Saturday, 31 May 2008

Sitting & Thinking

So I sat and pondered this question about environmentalists....what makes them a bit lacking? I sat and thought over the various readings and discussions that you witness on TV...and finally came to several conclusions this week.

First....for the most part.....most of these environmental freaks....have no idea what the actual percentage of CO2 in the atmosphere is. You could make up any number, from a professor in English to a professor in Greek Literature and just state a number, and they'd accept it.

Second....it would strongly appear that the bulk of these folks don't know that
H2O is the most potent greenhouse gas in the atmosphere. Again....probably because they fell asleep or they just know very little.

Third.....most environmentalists don't understand a thing about
methane, nor would they realize that its the more potent greenhouse gas. Sadly, you can't find methane credits (like carbon credits)....and if you did....I'd run as far as possible in the opposite direction. Methane is like crack or meth....its a killer of an absolute nature.

Fourth....El Nino to a true environmentalists (one who never took a single class in science)....is like nuclear science. Even when you bring out the expert and have it explained to them.....they act like
they are still too stupid to understand that the El Nino affect is far more powerful on global weather patterns.

Fifth....maybe its just me....but most environmentalists seem to be socialists at heart and really hate people of wealth. They can't stand a society where people accumulate money and use it at their own discretion. The size of your house, the type of car, the vacation you took....all matter to this guy. They want to size you down. They want your wealth distributed to others. Don't work hard....because you shouldn't get ahead. If this mentality bothers you....smoke some mary-j-u-wanna, and feel good about yourself....in a different world.

Sixth....I get the opinion that 90 percent of the folks who claim to be an environmentalists (even the English Literature freaks)....have no
education on climatology or meteorology and got most of their information from Al Gore...who is the guy who failed miserably at all of the science related SAT tests.

Seventh.....no matter how its explained to a environmentalists....the earth's weather pattern can have nothing to do with the sun or solar activities. Even if all of the other planets are reacting....we, the mighty Earth, can't react (Al Gore rule number 44).

Eight....there are more environmentalists in California, Oregon and California....than in Alabama, Mississippi, and Tennessee. In fact...I could tally in South Carolina, Kentucky, and Arkansas as well....and still not meet the 50 percent point of the three western states. Lack of education? I kinda doubt it....the same percentage of idiots in school in Portland fell asleep during science class as they did in Red Bay. Strangely enough....there are more Christians in Bama, Miss and Tenn....than in Cal, Oregon and Washington....so could I envision this as a cult thing? They merely made up for a lost religion by accepting the Gore chant? They had to believe in something. More Washingtonians believe in Bigfoot than Bamaites....so this might lend to the idea of cult-acceptance.

Simply rumblings and chatter from a man in a pondering state of mind.

Half-Votes....Half-Wits


Sometime today....in the midst of democracy America....a DNC group will meet and determine the value of Michigan and Florida votes. The current belief (as of Thursday night)....is that they will agree to seat half the delegates at the Democratic convention from those two states....as punishment.

I'm sitting wiping away the tears of laughter from my face....as they openly declare every vote declared there in those two states...as half-a-vote....by a half-wit. These were registered half-wits....pure-blooded Florida and Michigan half-wits. To be honest....some of those half-wits actually were dually registered in New York, New Jersey, Ohio, etc.....and they got their real vote in there....and get a half-vote in this primary episode, which is fair to me.

Its hard to be a half-person, a half-wit, or even a half of anything....these days. It takes work....honest to God real American effort....to make something from a whole....into half. A half-vote? Is there such a thing? Well...from a historical view....we did have this prior to 1860...in most southern states....to actually count the slave vote but not declare the guy a whole person. The plus to this dimwitted strategy was to have a census every ten years and actually beef up the southern population to counter those damn yankees. But that all disappeared in 1860. We haven't had half-witted voting since that point.

I sat and pondered this. If we could do this in the senate....allowing for certain guys to have half-a-vote....after committing some crime or needing discipline. Like that Idaho fella who likes to toe-tap with other guys in airport bathrooms. We could have brought him in....and declared for twelve months....his votes were half-votes....thus making Idaho consider dumping him or just accepting 1.5 votes in their favor when Idaho legislation came up. We could have done this with various other congressmen....offering them a half-vote for a year or two as punishment. This makes good sense in this aspect.

But with such fine ideas...come problems. Folks would begin to question half-wits about why they stay on. Then folks would ask if you could quarter up votes....and then you'd have real trouble. So these DNC guys are going to have a great Saturday....and probably declare you folks from Michigan and Florida as half-wits. Be proud....the folks from 48 other states couldn't accomplish that feat. Be proud....you actually got the state into the weekend news....and it was NOT from a murder or crime. Be proud....you didn't even have to pay the DNC to accomplish this splitting of the votes. Be proud....America needs more half-wits like you.

So tonight, as you sit there at the porch....sipping your ice chilled tea....eating some saltine crackers....think of them poor folks from Michigan and Florida....and say a little prayer for them. They need it. They are the halves and we are the halve-nots.

Missing the Billions in Iran

What you won't really notice this weekend on the news....because of the incompetent nature of our analysts.....is the Iran story going around. The missing money.

The Shahab News folks out of Tehran are talking about an audit that the parliament has launched into....trying to find the location of $35 billion. Yep....BILLION.

Oil money that was supposed to come in from 2006 to 2007....taken by the President's office and given to the Central bank to dispense by the directions from the Iranian parliament. The audit indicates that the president had this money, but never delivered it to the central bank. No one can explain its location.

In the real world....where billions are moved daily....I'm guessing that a guy could hide a million or two each week and no one would ever notice. Ammi-dang-ding-do could have easily hidden $300 million in a year and no one would say a word. He could have taken $700 million out of $35 billion easily. But to take $35 billion and simply make it disappear....thats very risky. Where would you hide money like this? How would you invest or make this kind of money disappear? $35 billion is a sum of money that you'd have to move far from the middle east and keep hidden. So where is it?

I sat and pondered this event. If you really wanted to hide money....you'd have to take it into third world countries....like Malaysia or Singapore or Brazil or South Africa. You'd have to find ways to invest it....to build. But then I thought....why build? Maybe my strategy as the president of Iran isn't to build a fortune....but to unsettle someone else's fortune. I could easily take oil profits.....$35 billion....and bulk up the futures market....to double the profit that Iran would get into the future. I could probably even make a profit....by accident. I could launch oil prices from $80 a barrel to $130 a barrel....and screw up the American economy....without firing a shot.

So I'm sitting here looking at an enormous story...which the Bush administration likely just gazes over and moves on....especially with their fantastic CIA finance folks. It wouldn't be hard to find $35 billion....if I wanted to find it....but then....maybe I wouldn't want it found....because it would explain why I'm paying $4 a gallon for gas, and how a dimwit idiot from Iran outstaged the American geniuses. Maybe....or maybe I'm wrong. But its a curious story.

Life in a Different World

So this week....we were told of a "lost" Amazon tribe whose never seen real world. The Brazilian government has reason to believe that no one has ever contacted this tribe....out in the further reaches of the jungle left in Brazil...near Peru. Personally, I have doubts....and probably think otherwise.

They apparently did try to shoot arrows at the helicopters involved. I'm pretty sure this week that a dozen US journalists are on the way and want to the first ones to engage the "lost" tribe and ask if they support the Bush war on terrorism. Somewhere in the translation....I'm thinking that a couple of knives come out and the journalist might be lucky to walk out alive.

If we did bring the "lost" tribe Oprah, or Countdown, or Ultimate Gladiators, or Baskin Robbins ice cream....would it really help them recover from being "lost"? I'm having doubts. Personally....I'd rather just stay "lost"....sip water by the stream....have two or three girlfriends from the tribe to entertain me....have fresh pig every Friday night.....discuss the virtues of sharp arrows versus dull arrows....and just lounge around the camp seven days a week. Sure....there might be a hunting trip or a couple of hours fishing each day. Life would be awful damn simple. Course, I would miss Battlestar Galacticia, waffles, whiskey sours, Katie Couric, Mountain Dew, real soap, bottled glacier water, and reruns of Scooby Doo....but it would be a tough choice.

I'm thinking just let the guys be. They got real girlfriends now....no marriage or divorce problems...no taxes....and a pretty healthy diet. Ain't no need to mess this up.

Miserable Work

After the big nuke episode last year....Minot Air Force Base got on the bad boy list. The commander got fired. The base lost its accreditation and had to go through an entire process to recertify everyone. So they had an exercise to test the base in mid-May, after everyone was satisfied that things were right and normal. Apparently, the base failed the exercise. So after almost twelve months of constant hassle....they now get to endear another month of preparing for a major exercise. My guess is that everyone on base would like to leave because there is a bad image to the base and the man-hours they are putting in...are way more than forty a week.

The inspectors at exercise in mid-May said two big events stood out (this from a tiny report in CNN where most of the results were apparently classified). One airman who was a guard at the bomb facility was playing a video game on his cellphone while he was supposed to be guarding the bombs, and a second airman was "totally unaware" of her duties and responsibilities. The second airman....I would guess....probably got to the base within the last two months and probably has actually been working for less than four weeks. She probably is simply manpower amongst a organization that has had its manpower trimmed and cut as far as possible....so every person who arrives gets immediate duty after in processing and initial orientation. Every base in the Air Force is now operating in this mindset.....sadly.

So 90 days will pass....with no time off for the summer period, except for maybe the 4th of July weekend. I would guess that all of the officers will be doing a minimum of fifty hours a week....with some even pulling sixty. The senior NCO's? Most are likely to pull a full ten hours a week....Monday through Saturday....and two or three hours on Sunday. Miserability scale? They are all maxing at 9 right now. The lucky guys have assignments coming up and can leave the base. The unlucky guys? The ones coming straight out of basic or tech school....a young 19-year old airman...arriving on a base like this and working long hours for several months until a satisfactory grade occurs.

The amusing thing to me....is that across the entire Air Force....I think few bases could pass any close inspection currently. They all cut manpower enough to own bragging rights to get the perfect management technique but now they have a chaotic situation where they can't do the real work required. They all spent lots of time on initiatives to reorganize their unit or base....then turn around a year later to reorganize their unit or base again. They all have senior NCO's who don't stay in a job long enough to fix or improve the situation....in fact....its hard to really learn your profession in this current trend.

So I pity the fools at Minot Air Force Base. Because of the nuke episodes of last year....they got a big red zero on their chest and they have to climb out of a pit. The pit as of mid-May....is four feet deeper now. I wouldn't be happy there....I wouldn't desire to stay....and I wouldn't brag about ever being assigned there.

Friday, 30 May 2008

One out of 2,000,000


A bunch of smart dudes in the UK, calculated the odds of dying from a fall out of bed in the UK, where 20 people die normally per year. So far, no one has calculated the risk to cats.

Catholic Church & Reality

The Vatican went to the extent this week….of announcing it will excommunicate anyone….absolutely anyone….who attempts to ordain a woman as a priest, and the woman priest herself. Some dude named Cardinal Bill Levada felt that this was necessary, with things going out of control. Officially, the best we can say….is that around 40 to 50 women priest exists today….although none are recognized by the pope.

Its an amusing situation. The number of guys desiring to be priests drift downward every single year. You can’t readily recruit these guys, and you can’t contract out. In fifty years, I’d be guessing the population will be half of the current group….and you will have to wonder how the religion will be able to carry on.

Why continue the fight against the idea? Well….its more of a historical thing….because why change when history sits on your side. Then you add in the situation where women always want rearrange things and it’d just trigger trouble. Then you have the issue of voting on the pope and potentially it being one day some old lady….and most Catholics just can’t see that scenario.

The best answer here? Give up….let the Baptists win, and just take the gold and silver back to Rome. Face it….its a lose-lose scenario otherwise.

A Story

So this is a story that an associate told me about ten years ago. It involves his aunt & uncle, and his cousin. I will assume for all practical purposes on the truthfulness of the story, for at least he knew the three parties involved.

The aunt & uncle had been married for almost 30 years and had three daughters. Daughter one and two had finished high school and dad had paid for both to attend a local state college. Daughter one finished and ended up as a teacher, and daughter two finished to end up as a advertising hiree with a local TV station. Both had a decent salary….one was married….and both owned their own houses.

Daughter three came to finish high school, but two months prior to finishing….she announced that she wasn’t going to college and was now engaged to marry in June. Shock settled in for mom and dad. The groom? He was a local guy who wrapped up one year of college and quit. The guy spent a year with some commercial delivery service before becoming a salesman with some brick & lumber company. After five years of working as the salesman, the guy had a corvette and a rented apartment to show for his earnings….and little else. The guy spent money freely between casinos and weekends, so nothing was ever saved.

With the college plans shoot, dad had plenty of money to pay for the wedding and then intended to give a $15k check to the couple for whatever they wanted. That wasn’t the dream of the third daughter. She looked at the other two sisters and then determined that “Junior” and her deserved a house (bought and paid). So pressure came to bear, and dad came to the idea of a starter house and paying down $20k…which starter houses in the area were in the $120k range and thus this check of his and the grooms input would make this an affordable mortgage.

This logic held for a day, and then the daughter summarized the unfairness of the situation…her sisters had houses of value in the $150-200k range, and sadly…”Junior” had almost nothing to put down on a house. His salary was such that he could afford more than $700 a month. Dad then hinted that “Junior’s” parents ought to help contribute….which they agreed to funnel $5k into the contribution….thats it….no more. $25k total….with a $700 a month payment….didn’t equal a $150k house.

So eventually the deal was made with dad putting almost $35k into the deal and the daughter ended up with a $145k house.

The marriage ceremony came and went, and for a year….this deal worked. Then one day, the daughter came and asked dad to cover a month’s payment on the house. The two wanted a trip to a local casino and needed the $1000 to cover cost. Dad didn’t agree this time, and it triggered an argument.

A month went by, and a major car repair came up, with the daughter asking for $1000 to cover the bill, which Dad paid….and then discovered the couple left over the weekend for a casino trip.

A few months passed and the daughter appeared, asking for money to cover another car repair….which dad refused. The daughter insisted that this was a real necessity and yet no money came.

Somewhere toward the end of the second year….the couple broke up. Amongst the chief reasons, money. They couldn’t make the mortgage payment every month and cover lifestyle requirements. The daughter moved out and moved into Dad’s house. The divorce came and went….and the house had to be sold. The daughter came to be shocked in that the house barely made what it originally cost. By the time the bills were figured and the bank costs….the couple basically split $30k between them….with her share being $15k.

The daughter then insisted that she needed to go to college and dad should cover it like the other two sisters. Dad refused and told her to use the $15k that she had from the house sales….because that was her original college money. Needless to say, she wasn’t happy. After two semesters at college, she dropped out and ended up marrying some forty-year old guy who already had a house. There was no ceremony, and no cost for dad….he was happy about that part.

My associate went back to visit after this part of the episode….and the cousin was sitting there in a corvette that the new husband had given her. She was the trophy wife and enjoyed the attention. She lived in a huge house and lived lavishly….more so than the two sisters. No one appreciated her company.

I asked my associate what he thought she’d be doing in twenty years, and he figured married to husband number five. Its curious how you can see the path of someone start, and predict how the path will go.

Thursday, 29 May 2008

One of a 100,000

This week, in Austria, quietly and without worldly fanfare, Natascha Kampusch announced that she would be starting a interview show on Puls 4....network starting up on cable in Austria.

For those who don't remember Natascha....she was the kid who was kidnapped around age 12 and kept a prisoner by a guy in his garage (the grease bay pit). For eight years....he kept Natascha a prisoner......and only by a mistake....he put her into a position to escape....and she finally got away.

I sat and watched her a few weeks after the escape....where they had a live interview with her. I expected a "lost" individual....someone with issues and no ability focus. I was wrong. Out of 100,000 individuals he could have kidnapped that day.....he picked the only one who had resolve and could survive. Natascha took the TV he offered, the books, and the magazines.....and simply forged ahead. She learned things the hard way....but she learned from a vast audience....with only time to absorb and perform self-analysis. The other 99,999 would have become idle and despondent.....seeking no information or reality. She was different.

I find this career move to be unusual....but probably the best job in the world for a person like her. She absorbs the situation.....the information....and mentality comes to conclusions. Its hard to think and react like this. Most folks are always a step behind.....Natascha likely thinks a step or two ahead. She is not "lost" and certainly not a nut as one might expect.

I have high expectations from this young lady.....who is capable of so much in my mind. I'm thinking in the years to come....she will emerge as a major interviewer in Europe.....and probably be respected for thinking beyond what would normally be expected.

The McGreevey Case

Dina McGreevey is the gal married to former NJ governor James McGreevey, who turned out to be gay and also hired some idiot from Israel to be on his staff, but to serve as the boytoy. Dina wants a divorce and lots of money from Jim. Jim says....as does this other guy....that Dina and the governor, and the third guy....before the marriage....had lots of meetings....very lusty hot meetings (you know). Dina has kinda hinted maybe so, but she deserves lots of Jame's money.

So today, we learn that Dina had to pay $30k for her wedding....and the husband didn't pay a dime. In fact, she had to invite a number of political friends....as part of this deal.

I feel kinda sad for Dina....she got into a pretty sour deal....tossed in $30k.....and just wants her fair share.....but to be honest....I doubt that James has that much money (having paid off the boytoy probably).

Dunkin Dimwits?


First, I really don't know who the hell Rachel Ray is.....maybe being outside of the US for fifteen years triggered that. But then this week....my favorite donut company got into a big fit over their ad with Rachel.

Apparently, Rachel is a spokesperson, who wore some kinda Jihad scraf for the picture taking there for Dunkin Donuts. After this appeared in public....they yanked the picture saying that it was inappropriate. So I went out and looked at the damn picture.

Dunkin Dimwits....has a problem. In fact....I'm kinda wondering why the hell I buy my donuts from them....other than they make damn good donuts, particularly the glazed edition.

So I sat there and thought long and hard on this. Do I buy donuts because of a picture of some Jihad mama or do I buy glazed glazed donuts because they are damn good? This is a great Socrates question. It took 3.5 seconds for me to make my decision. I eat damn good glazed donuts from Dunkin Dimwits....because they are that good. I don't really care if Jihadists run the organization or some green nutcase who likes polar bears runs the joint or if the sugar is carbon-free (which it isn't).

So, my message to Dunkin Dimwits. You have heavy competition from Krispy Creme....who has leftists and democrats running their organization. Don't be fooled into a Jihad war with Krispy Creme. You can win. Dunkin Dimwits has the best round donut that money can buy. The glaze....is like stuff you'd only get on Xmas day from Grandma. Don't sit and worry about Jihad pictures....just let the damn donut sell itself. Put the donut on the ad....and have a steaming cup of coffee next to it. Thats all we really need. And tell that Rachel Gal.....to quit shopping at Jihad Mart....get a real American shawl over at Walmart for $6.99 (made in Mexico of course).

Sunday, 25 May 2008

Don't Ask


I'm guessing a 480 DDDDDDD.....but its just a guess. Picture is compliments of EnglishRussia.com.

Saturday, 24 May 2008

Envy of the Rich?

The Financial Times did a country-by-country study...to find out how bad folks are envious of the rich. The score?

Japan — 77%
Spain — 65%
Germany — 64%
U.S. — 62%
China — 60%
Italy — 59%
U.K — 56%
France — 51%

This is a fascinating situation. Most of these countries have a very high level of folks who'd like to tax the rich....even if they are already taxing the rich to a significant degree. More so....would be the best analysis. The fascinating thing is that most of the rich are at a point where they know they have to hide their wealth or face persecution (as humorous as it sounds). Its almost like being a Christian in the Jesus-ages or a Jew in Nazi Germany.....you gotta pretend to be only so-so rich, and not filthy rich. You need a large house, but not a ;mansion. You need to go out of country to enjoy your riches but still feel as though you are actually in your home country.

I see schools and training seminars in the future...where you are teaching Johan how to be maxed out on wealth but not to show much of it. Johan needs to drive a fancy car, but not a $500k Italian sports car. Johan needs to dress well...but wearing German clothing is preferred over fancy Rome-designed clothing. Johan needs a trophy wife, but a simple Polish or Russian gal is sufficient, and not one of those princess gals from Italy or France. The sad truth is that Johan will eventually turn sad and depressed over this lifestyle in "lacking", but the truth is that he doesn't need to show off the vast empires he's acquired. This way, he gets to keep it all instead of giving to the government who decides to build a opera house in the middle of Bavarian village where they all yodel instead of enjoying opera.

Monkey Republic


The fella on the right is Than Shwe, a fine outstanding dictator from Burma. To be honest...there is a hunta there, but for all practical purpose, Than is the fella who kinda tells the Junta what is hot and what is not. This week, Than had to meet with that UN guy....Ban Ki-moon. It was a very friendly meeting. You have Ban who'd rather not be there and have to deal with a bunch of idiots. You have the shy and incompetent general Shewe who hates guests and visitors.

In the thinking of republics....where you have a banana republic (such as Panama), the Texas republic (well....Texas of course), raghead republics (like Yemen), the Irish Republic (which is mostly one giant bar where you can whine), the Republic bar in Tasmania (where Blue Juice & Paper Scissors played last night), the Republic Bar & Grill (in Corpus Christi, which is a step above my standard), and finally in Burma....you have a Monkey Republic, where general Than Shwe runs a moderate but 1-star Junta operation.

The thing about Than...is that when he slips into military garb for visitors...there's about two pounds of starch used to press his uniform and prepare it for observation by the guests. Than has a thing about impressing the folks who visit.....a guy in uniform....is like Pamela Sue Anderson in a bikini....he's hot.

Its hard to find another country in the world that would classify as a monkey republic. You have to have idiots running the place that limited in intelligence and scope. You need a junta that is more concerned with the number of stop signs in the country than the number of jobs. You need family members in the junta who know they are filthy rich and don't even think about it. Its a tough life and I'm pretty sure most of us would be utter failures at running a monkey republic.

Sect with the Sun Setting

So this week, the Texas courts announced that there wasn't a good enough reason to hold those 400-odd kids from the sect. The state has a couple of days to come back and explain itself, but I have serious doubts about this.

End of the episode.

Everyone can go home. The good part of this story is that some guys are going to get their thirteen year old wife back (well, at least spiritually, she's his wife). I can see a big welcome sign at the door, with old Bubba holding his princess and pronouncing the great defeat of the evil in Austin (lots of evil there but half of it is alcohol-related or named Wanda).

If I sound sarcastic....the entire story is like some Mel Brooks script. I can see the movie already. It has Texas Rangers, Texas political hacks, LDS ministers of questionable intelligence, women in long cotton dresses running around to get back their kids while dad isn't in the picture, TV figures who want the discuss the damage to the kids, social workers who talk of the "recovery", dynamic nightly hosts who talk on and on about the "Waco mentality" displayed, Texas judges who are a bit outside of their league, women from the "View" who share their pity, cafe hostesses who share their moral view of the sect to some hopeless reporter who is lost between San Angelo and Midland but just needs 45 seconds of feed for the nightly coverage, and lawyers who argue that a sect is unto itself and not to be governed by some state officials...even if a 15-year old girl was married to a 45-year old guy. HBO could make this into a 12-episode series and probably win various awards, except in Texas.

As for the young girls under 18 who had kids already....well....the last time I looked...there are around 1,000 in the Houston area who fit that profile....and I don't see the cops swarming around Houston to take up custody of that 1,000. Sadly, life goes on.

If the sect was doing something wrong....its kinda fixed now. And if we are unhappy....just flip the channel over to the Bass Fishing Channel and get some tips on frying fish.

Friday, 23 May 2008

The Spin or Anti-Spin

Lets gaze upon politics for this week.

Karl Rove got a subpoena to speak to congress. Karl hasn't said anything but the White House says that all conversations between Bush and Karl are privileged talks. Congress still wants Karl to come on down. If I were Karl....I'd show up with a two eight-hour speeches to give before I'd hand over control to the congressmen. They've sat and developed some type of judge-power that no one has been able to readily explain how they can act but not convict. They can hand everything over to a special prosecutor but then that has to be appointed by the president, who doesn't have to do anything.

Karl's troubles arise from the firings of nine US district attorneys who work for the president. The accusation is that the White House was trying to cleanse a Clinton group who were in position (so says congress)....but then the group of district attorneys are all appointed by the president and work for the administration....not congress or the Supreme Court. Somewhere in the middle of this...is the Alabama governor episode where Siegelman took massive bribes to appoint a buddy to be the state health insurance guy. Some folks think that Siegelman got caught because Rove arranged the bribe although they can't explain why Siegelman took the bribe in the first place. Bush could fix this by giving a pardon to Siegelman but that would infuriate Siegelman who thinks he is innocent but hasn't explained why he took the bribe money.

Turning to VP activity....McCain is having a bar-b-q this week....which 25 individuals are invited. Most folks think all of the 25 are candidates, but the truth is that probably only four are candidates and the other 21 are folks to gauge the four and their worthiness. My three picks? Gov Charlie Crist of Florida, Mitt Romney, and Gov Bobby Jindal. Crist is the guy who looks sharp on tv and can at least act like a VP. Mitt brings money, Massachusetts, and can easily debate anyone. Then we have Bobby....who probably is seen as the coming President of the US in eight years. By picking Bobby....McCain is leveling the deck and arranging things in 2016. My guess is that Charlie Crist will be picked, with Mitt Romney given the post of Secretary of Treasury, and Bobby Jindal might end up with some cabinet post.

Was Huck invited to McCain's bar-b-q? Yes....but Huck had a marriage anniversary to attend and begged out. I suspect that Huck knows he won't be picked....period. Huck ends up with a radio-chat show by September, with fifty stations carrying him...my humble guess. I don't see his career lifting too far.

Obama and his VP? Well....Hillary thinks she is number one. She wants it bad. Obama would be a fool to bring her in and face weekly criticism over his methods. He could offer her a cabinet post, but I doubt that this would be enough for Hillary. So she's out.

My Obama picks for VP? Wes Clark (a fool of a general), Mr. Bloomberg of NY City (used to be a Republican and now a indepedent), and the Washington state female governor who shall remain nameless. Basically....Bloomberg is the guy that makes Obama unbeatable. Bloomberg brings money and competency into the White House. Bloomberg can do a debate and take down anyone.

So thats my view of the political week.

The AF Cyber Command?

So the AF stood up this week and mailed out the requirements for the headquarters for their new cyber command. There are eighteen states that are begging to get this operation. The AF finally picked the criteria:

- Susceptibility to floods, earthquakes, ice storms, and tornadoes matter
- Power supply must be no question
- Runways and airports must be nearby. I'm guessing they mean international airports too.
- Plenty of office space available
- High-tech corridors nearby
- High-speed bandwidth without question
- Existence of similar cyber activities such as intelligence or space work

So from the 18 states: Ala, Col, Cal, Ark, Iowa, Lou, Mass, Neb, NJ, Miss, Missouri, Mich, NM, Ohio, Texas, Utah, Virginia, and Penn....those criteria really trimmed off most of them.

I'm guessing the only three states in running at this point are Colorado, Massachusetts, and Virginia. All of the them see this as a billion-dollar episode, with tons of construction money and jobs. The amusing thing...the AF has kinda set up Barksdale AFB, Louisiana as the temp site of this deal...and those folks actually thought that this was going to stay there. They've been busy in Louisiana trying to puff up the situation and make it permanent. There's already some construction on base and some folks are scratching their head wondering why build anything if this wasn't the "real" site?

I'm thinking Bobby Jindal of Louisiana (Gov) is working hard on McCain to ensure the pick is going to be his state. If you use the criteria that the AF listed...Louisiana fails miserably. I would suspect some AF folks want to rig this deal so Louisiana won't be the final choice (the comment of susceptibility to floods and such normally never falls into a base description...so its kinda obvious). The funny thing is that Alabama is on the list...and probably hoping to rig every vote possible.

HBO & Recount?

So this week...HBO announced that its producing "Recount" which is a half-fiction, half-fact movie on the Florida election episode of 2000. Kevin Spacey is set to star in this fictional part...to cover a somewhat real event.

I can see this already. Relive the dream, relive an "ugly election", relive a fiasco, relive the drama and chaos, relive the pain and agony, relive the deceit and jolt, relive the triller, relive the intensity, and just relive period.

This was basically a state where a bunch of guys played election commissioner in their country for the past thirty years and always did a half-ass job. In a landslide election, it didn't ever matter about numbers. You could screw up and drop 3,000 votes in a county and no one really grasped that screw-up. But this one particular year, it mattered. So then you toss in a Gore team that wanted to recount votes...but not state-wide...just certain areas...to ensure that the Republicans didn't get extra votes. Then you toss in the chad cards and the desire to screw up the military absentee votes state-wide. Finally, you add in 50,000 dual-voters from various states that simply come down to Florida for six months out of the year and are registered voters here and in the other state.

The amusing thing, is that people actually want to relive this and recount this all over again. Across the entire US...this Florida episode taught everyone that a group of half-ass voting commissioners simply were the wrong answer to running a democracy...but we really don't want to admit that this is the common practice of most counties. Life goes in Florida today....and sadly...we'll get to relive the whole experience again.

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

Young Enough or Old Enough

The UN Committee on the Rights of the Child, with the ACLU pushing....is challenging the US government on allowing 17-year olds to enlist. They also are upset that ROTC is allowed down into the high school level as well...with fourteen and fifteen year old kids involved in that.

The UN Committee is hinting that they think the US is complying with the rule of law based on the UN rules. Basically....the US is allowing enlistment of seventeen year old kids.....but none deploy until after the age of 18.

I sat and pondered this situation. There are fifty different versions of "adult" in America. Generally, we all agree on license age at 16....but then everything is up in the air. You want to get married....there are some states where a 14-year old can marry with the parent's permission. You want no permission of Mom or Dad? Well....you generally have to be 18, except Michigan. In Mississippi....if you are 20.....you still gotta have dad's permission.

You want to drink? There are fifty different versions to the drinking age. In some counties in Bama....you could still be 75 years old, and you can't drink.

You want to buy a car? In some states....at 16....you can buy and own the car yourself. In some states its 18.

You want to get a hunting license? Some states allow it at 17.....and some at 15.

Its funny how the ACLU doesn't say nothing negative about these situations. Who is mature at 14? Who is mature at 15? Who is mature at 25? Who is mature at 45? The answer varies depending who the heck you are dealing with. I've known some 16 year old punks who were fully capable of thinking and acting like an adult. I've known some 40-year old folks who should have been sent back to high school and couldn't maintain themselves in public.

The Air Force years ago set up a rule that you had to have a high school diploma in your hands to join. It was a tough standard....which some might laugh at....but we tend to expect a guy who can read and comprehend. I can understand the Marine situation....and the concept of taking a young punk who can be molded into a top-class Marine.

The puzzling thing here is that while the ACLU is busy fingering the US.....there are Muslim kids at age 14....picking up a weapon and trying to kill and American GI....and our guy is going to respond and probably kill the 14-year old kid. Thats the sad truth about this entire mess. Its nice that ACLU works so hard on our case, and can't fix the other folks situation....but then the ACLU is non-existent in Afghanistan today....primarily because the Islamic folks decided the only good lawyer....was a dead one. We won't do that in the US......we have some morals left in our basket....at least I think so.

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

What Would Have Been: Alabama

Its been a rather odd week in California. First, you must understand that they are short around $12 billion...well....some folks claim its actually $20 billion...but hey....after $1 billion....its all zeros, you know This Assemblyman there....Charley Calderon (sadly a Democrat from Wittier) wanted to levy a 25 percent tax on gross revenues from the sale of pornographic magazines, photos, books, films, video, and even the gross earnings of explicit entertaimnt...and yes even tax those pay-per-view porn movies they serve for hotel guests in California.

This bill.....AB 29414....met some still opposition in California. Numerous folks from all over the state started to get scared. They fought and fought HARD to stop this idea....claiming that it would rive a multi-billion-dollar industry out of the state. The neat thing is that it would have brought in $665 million per year.

"AB 2914 would tax adult entertainment and adult entertainment venues in a manner similar to the way in which cigarettes and alcohol are already taxed in this state,” said Calderon.

There at a meeting last week....some folks met to testify about the problems in doing this.....claiming that imposing a 25% tax on porn industry profits could drive the business out of California, at a cost in jobs and other revenues of as much as $3.5 billion. Some folks even offered direct analysis that this potential tax would drive porn out of the San Fernando Valley, said to be the “porn capital of the world.” Sadly, this is something that folks around San Fernando were simply not happy about. Its hard to get some kind of world identification...and once you got it....you sure don't want to lose it.

The amusing thing in this entire mess....the state Republicans in the legislature indicated they would have to vote against the bill. The reason? Its a tax increase and they said up front that they would oppose any tax increase of any type. Everyone sat in shock....that Republicans wouldn't naturally vote to tax porn....while Democrats were desperately trying to save the state by taxing another item like cigars, gas, booze, etc.

Sadly, the porn tax bill appears limp at this point.

I sat and pondered what would have happened if it had passed. The porn industry would have been desperate to leave...to maintain its profit margin. At this point, Alabama would have done what they'd done so well....voice up Bama as a alternate location. They wined and dined the Germans to build the car plant. Bama talked up the state to get EADS and the Air Force tanker contract. Bama talked up the marry-j-u-wanna folks to make Bama the top plant producer in America.

I can see the state delegation...getting onboard the greyhound bus and driving out to the San Fernando area to meet with top porn officials. The political dudes from Bama would wine and dine....then discuss hard numbers and suggest regions of Bama for certain segments of the industry. Maybe the unusual stuff could be set to the Muscle Shoals area....the lesbians to the Mobile area, and the rest centered around Gadsden. They might offer up tax incentives and even property for studios.

Word would quickly get back to Bama about potential jobs coming to Bama soon, with a wide variety for young and old. Folks would get all pepped up about the new industry....and start to refer to Bama as "The loving lusty state". The state would start up a porn Hall of Fame over in Bessemer and even discuss a state porn holiday.

The Baptists....would openly display dislike about the idea...but behind closed doors....they'd all be happy to have a new target to complain about....and plus they'd have more money that they could ply off membership with the porn revenue soaring in the state. All in all...Bama would be a great state to place the industry.

Narco State?

Across the border into Mexico this week….the comment from the narco guys who are killing political figures and cops…is “join us or die”.

For the past five years, some folks across the border have been talking about the slide of Mexico. Even the political authorities won’t argue about this. You can’t find a single mayor in the northern part of Mexico who will make a comment against the cartels.

What happens to us on the US side of the border? Eventually, the cartels will come to Tucson, Phoenix, Dallas and Houston….to ensure that our political figures are in tune with their concept of operations. We will eventually see some mayor killed in the US for interfering with cartel operations. The FBI will draw up a report and hand it to the President who will file it under things to do in the next election. It’ll be 2025 before folks in Texas or Arizona reach a point where they realize that their safety is in serious jeopardy and that the cops can’t protect their own state. Maybe at that point….active duty military will be deployed in our own country….just to defend our own back of the yard.

Burma on the Run

So we are told this week that a 134,00 folks may be dead in Burma from the storm. So far, the help from the outside has yet to really flow and the junta are trying hard to just get folks to forget about everything.

Rumor has it that disease is already starting up and some folks are expecting various diseases to start sweeping the country. The thing that the junta hasn’t grasped about interfering with this mess….is that their own troops and their own family members will be affected. I’m guessing that a number of the junta members have already shipped their family members out of the country…to probably Malaysia. As for the number of deaths in phrase two? I’m guessing in the 100,000 range as a minimum. It’ll be difficult for the junta to explain the situation in the international community….but I doubt that they travel much and don’t really care. And the UN? They don’t really care either. So life goes on. You either take care of yourself and your country….or you don’t….thats YOUR own choice.

Sunday, 18 May 2008

This Kwame Don't Sink

As Kwame Kilpatrick works to counter the city council's agenda to dump him as mayor....apparently there on Thursday....very quietly and appearing in few news organizations....someone turned in a recall petition against the entire city council.

The petition suggested abuse of power and negligence of the council members....then offered no evidence of such. The petition will have to be accepted. It'll be curious if Detroit's mayor may have taken this entire game to a new level.

Just Another Day at the Office


It had been a long day at the office and Ammi Dang Ding Dong was bushed. Running Iran takes alot more sweat and effort than most folks think. It means you have to constantly address Imam's as "sir" and always act friendly and cordial in front of them but really think they are silly old geezers in private. Added to this is the fact that you simply can't get a decent donut or serious T-bone steak. Then you have issues with those dang students who keep complaining that things just aren't right....when you already know that but have simply accepted the lesser version of right.

So you settle back into the living room and gaze at the funny picture some British guy sent you and yearn to escape....maybe to Ripley....maybe to Oxford....maybe even to Bangkok. You'd like to just pack up and escape to someplace where you can buy decent clothings and look "GQ". You'd like to be around big bulky blond babes who wear tube tops and flip flops. You'd like to smell bacon and eggs cooking in the kitchen. You'd like to drive a F-150 pick-up with a dog in the back and a set of long-horns mounted on the hood of the truck.

EUstan: Just another Arab Republic in Europe


This week, the Dutch police arrested a serious criminal...a cartoonist. Gregoris Nekschot. Yep....no joke.

Actually Nekschot is simply is pen-name, but the Dutch police didn't care. They showed up and began this search episode....USB-sticks, memory, CD's, hard drives, computers, etc. It actually took ten big burly girly boys....from the Dutch police....to capture this serious criminal of sorts....a cartoonist.

To be truthful.....Nekschot got into this position by making a number of cartoons which disturb the Arabs of the Netherlands. To say anything negative about Arabs or Middle-Eastern dudes....gets you into a heap of trouble in Europe these days. There are EUarabian laws which seek and protect those with fragile minds and souls. Apparently, the more you worship per day....the less functional your brain becomes after a couple of years. Sadly, if you have a European political figure in front of you....he'll kiss the EUarabain on the lips and tell him how lovely he appears.

The cops say....and the prosecutor involved....that Nekschot may be spending a couple of years in prison. So far, they've avoided discussing this in public or on TV....which you can apparently get away with in EUstan. I'm guessing that public sentiment might be going going against the prosecutor in this episode and a number of protesters....from Porky Pig to Charlie Brown....just might be coming to the rescue of Nekschot....defending cartoon liberty. And if all else fails....we've got Johnny Bravo and Dexter waiting in the wings.

Saturday, 17 May 2008

Damn Good Policy (After the Fact)

For those of you who follow the Detroit, Michigan episode with Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick...this week was a 4-star week.

To bring you up to date.....Kwame had some gal killed at his mayor's mansion and by the time all the smoke cleared....no one knows nothing. To be truthful....today....we still know nothing about the dead woman. Then in the questioning of two cops who are part of his security detail....the story comes out that Kwame is doing his chief exec and discussing hot lusty sex via their Blackberrys. Kwame denied this and at the end of the court case against the city by the two cops who were fired because of their anti-mayor comments....the city had to pay the two cops off with $9 million. For months and months....no one was sure of nothing....until the media got ahold of the text comments and there they were in digital form.....Kwame wanting her hot lushy body and Christine Beatty wanted Kwame's curvey body (to be honest, he is pushing 350 pounds but don't hold that against the guy).

This week....Kwame, still as mayor of Detroit, started a city-policy that any texting between city officials on city-leased hardware....is private and not for public consumption. This basically means that you text your hot babe clerk in the city hall, and let her know your private desires....and its ok.....as long as its city-leased hardware and you are both city employees. I think this is a pretty neat city policy. Kwame is a 4-star political entitity and I think the dude ought to run for senator. We need more guys like him.

Sect News for the Week

So lets add up west Texas news on the Sect boys for this week.

First....the Texas authorities had to come out and admit that approximately twenty of the girls they took off the ranch....aren't "girls" but "women". They are legally over 18 and thus not controllable by the state (Texas law says any gal over 18 is uncontrollable and men should just be careful when hanging out around them). They didn't really want to admit this situation....and the lack of birth certificates probably complicated matters (lacking driving and hunting and fishing licenses also hurt a bit). So now they had to reaverage the numbers of pregnant "girls" and its way less than originally, but thank God....its still above the Texas average and thats good for all of us (assuming you are pulling for the Texas government in some fashion).

Second....the local folks (non-Sect folks), had to come out and admit the tax situation of the Sect. Here is another setback for the Texas government. The Sect last year, paid $420,000 in property taxes. The interesting thing is that they bought worthless property back in 2003, and have made the property into a ranch worth $20 million in nature. They now pay the second most in the entire county, on property taxes....which the chief folks in front of them on property taxes....owe primarily because of oil. The curious thing....the Sect never applied for church credit and have never denied paying any taxes to the state....unlike the damn Baptists or the damn Jehovahs or the damn Scientology crowd. The Sect simply said "no problem" and paid their fair share. Alot of the locals are looking at this and beginning to rub the few remaining hairs on their head and wonder if they really got the bad guys. Adding to this....the Sect found most of the land was not friendly for gardening....so they trucked in soil....ton up ton....and grew things where nothing had grown before).

Finally....at the Travis county Democratic party fundraiser....where you usually attend and donate $40 to hear some idiot Democrat chatter about the party and how bad the Republicans are....we had two of the Sect women show up and discuss their situation with political Democratic party members. Course, I should say that none of the fathers showed up....strictly two women. But they chatted real friendly....and tried to talk the Democrats in helping them. I'm pretty sure if they'd just toss some money into political welfare....the Sect would get more attention and maybe be declared a national treasure of some sort.

Aliens: Approved by the Pope

This week....a rather odd story came out which might shock true catholics. Apparently....the chief astronomer for the Vatican.....the Rev Jose Funes....a Jesuit (which is almost a Catholic but not quiet).....spoke for the Pope and said that belief in God and aliens was ok.

Yep....you can now be Catholic and believe in aliens. I realize most of you Catholics had other worries on your mind....but the Pope is thinking in your best interest.

Indeed, Jose even said that aliens could be perceived as "our brothers". You could say "hey" and "howdy", and it'd be ok with God. I'm pretty sure the Baptist guys are meeting in some church basement right now....contemplating how to twist this around and be as anti-Catholic as possible. The natural Baptist comment would be "would Jesus approve of aliens?".

Me? I'm thinking Jesus would probably not worry much about aliens....and just chill out mostly....sipping spring water and eating some saltine crackers off the front porch table. We've probably got better things to worry about....but we also probably need to find something for those Jesuit folks to worry about at the same time. They seem to have too much time on their hands.

Pray for Joe

This week....over in Plano, Texas....where men are men, women are women, Baptists....well....they are pure and holy in nature, and ministers are questionable....they had a episode of sorts.

It appears that a mega church up in the Plano area had this associate pastor with the church....by the name of Joe Barron. Joe apparently ministered to young adults in the region, as part of the mega-church activities. The church...makes up around 27,000 members.

Joe got into some kinda computer chat room area, and dang...don't you know....like any Baptist minister....he finds some 13-year old girl who needs ministering....in the personal way. So Joe jumps up into his car and drives 200 miles to Bryan...only to discover that the 13-year old girl doesn't exist and there was a cop involved now, which Joe apparently didn't have any interest in ministering to the cop. But the cop found interest in Joe....enough to arrest him. The cops did search Joe's car, and found some condoms and a cam. Joe hasn't said much about the episode (or if he had any previous episodes), and the church says they are praying for the guy.

I'm guessing a year in a state prison will be the situation with Joe. And its hard to guess what he does after getting out. Minister work appears to be out....although its not like teaching where you lose some credentials. He might be able to find a sect that would accept him....and if he were nice about it....they might allow a marriage or two to a thirteen year old girl....at least spiritually. Joe simply picked the wrong religion. If you need a younger gal....the sect folks out in West Texas are the ones to join up with....not them Baptists.

Stones and Worry

This week....we learned that global warming may lead to an increase in kidney stones disease. Seriously.

Apparently....dehydration has been linked to stone disease, mainly in warmer climates, and global warming can only make things worse....if you sit and think about it.....at least the researchers say so.

So logically.....as more stones develop, the cost of treating stones will soar.

To add further to this idea....they developed a "stone belt" around the southern part of the US where some poor pitiful fools will suffer more than those Yankees up north where they have cooler weather. Apparently, the rising global temperatures will expand this region so the folks living in high-risk stone zones are predicted to grow from 40 percent in 2000 to 50 percent by 2050. Yep, huge increase in stones. The fellows involved even wrote up the cost....soaring to 1 billion dollars annually by 2050.....with a 20 percent increase over present-day stones.

The entire study was presented at the 103rd Annual Scientific Meeting of the American Urological Association (ANI), held this year in the heart of the stone-belt....Orlando, Florida. Actually....most of the Urological fellas sat around the hotel bar in the evenings....sipping whiskey sours and telling stone jokes about Jewish guys. Luckily this year....none were arrested for indecent behavior.

I sat and pondered this entire story....thinking....back in the period before global warming (1990)...I never had hemorrhoids...and now?

I’m thinking my occasional bout of hemorrhoids now has to do with global warming. The thing I’m really worried about....if we all start to get hemorrhoids....then we all start buying massive amounts of Preparation H...and then they start having shortages. You know its the Arabs who own Preparation H and they will just try to control it and force the price up to $30 a tube. And with global warming at our front door....I’m fearful of having to spend $60 a month for my dose of Preparation H...to help me make it through Global Warming. Maybe...just maybe....some farmers out in Iowa can make a alternate to Preparation H, from corn oil....and help us make it through this difficult period?

I'm also worried that my occasional bout with dandruff is also related to global warming....and that that $4.60 bottle of Head and Shoulders may become a twice-a-day thing and thus drive up the market for special dandruff shampoo. If the Arabs owned that too....then the price could soar to $6.20 or maybe even $6.99. Course, if our Iowa corn farmers are as smart as they claim....they can make Head and Shoulders out of corn oil.

Lastly, I was also worried that my occasional bout with arthritis may also be related to global warming....and for a long long time....I was thinking I would need some special corn oil ointment or rub....to help me make it through the global warming period....which the Wal-Mart folks might sell to me for $9.99. Then it suddenly hit me....warm air is good for arthritis and maybe I won't suffer much during the global warming period. But then it hit me that maybe global warming is a farce, and its really global cooling thats about to occur, and damn, I'd need tons of salve, rub, and ointment to make it then.

I seem to be worrying twelve hours a day now. I can remember back to the old days when you just worried about bad beer, hot lusty women, and finding myself in a toilet stall with no paper available. It seems like things are just not simple anymore.

Just Another Day in Gitmo Paradise

For those who haven't been watching the mighty parade in Gitmo recently....trouble is brewing in paradise.

At some point last year....the administration suddenly realized that no one had ever been prosecuted out of Gitmo. Some folks had been released. But the hardcore crowd were still sitting there. And the administration quietly pushed along this idea to the Pentagon that it'd be surely nice if they could accomplish some legal actions before Bush left office.

So they have been pushing up some prosecution episodes, and brought in some fire-breathing Air Force officer who was supposed to charge up everything and get a prosecution done.

This week....the Navy officer who is the military judge over the cases....tossed yet another log onto the chilling fire of Gitmo. He is putting all the cases into a suspended file and asking the Supreme Court to advise if the defendants have the right to challenge their detention in US courts (not Gitmo courts). Adding to the mess is that the judge has ruled that AF Gen Hartmann who was the authority's top legal adviser, has unfairly tried to sway the entire episode. Then adding further to the mess is the fact that the first big case out of the docket....involves a guy that we know was heavily tortured by the US.

At the end of the year....I'm guessing zero cases will be decided and most of the military officers involved now have some heartburn over deciding a legal case where the prosecution had to torture the guy to get either real or unreal evidence. No one can be sure of nothing with regard to truth.

I'm thinking the day will come by early 2009...that we pack Judge Judy up and send her down to Gitmo....to clear up this mess right away.

Have a Fine Hitler Day

This week while on vacation or tour...depending on how you view things....Bush went out and make some comments about Barrack Obama. You must remember....I'm not a huge fan of Obama, to start with.

Bush wanted everyone to know that Obama was into the appeasement of "Hitler" when Obama discusses how he will work the fixes that the administration has left behind after they leave. As Bush chatted away....showing his remarkable knowledge and skills as a World War II buff....we were left to think that Obama is no more than Chamberlain in dealing with massive worldly problems.

Yes....Chamberlain, the loser....the dude who basically signed anything Hitler gave him....to appease the Nazis....and get out of the situation. A loser....a four-star loser. So GW gave the mighty impression of Obama for us to consider as we vote.

Whats amusing about this entire story is that the moment you pull out the "Hitler card"...you label the other guy as a loser and you automatically win the argument. So Bush accomplished exactly what he set out to do.

But for a brief moment...what the heck does Iraq and the current situation have to do with 1930s Nazi Germany? I am at a loss as to how Bush pulls this rabbit out of his hat and proudly proclaims it. I'm not a Obama-freak...but then I've come to recognize that this Administration in no manner measures up to the Ronald Reagan Administration.

If someone starts pulling out the Nazi label...then we get stuck with explaining Gitmo for the 99th time, the plan to "win the war finally" version 6.1 and the 1000 reasons why we can't secure our borders against Mexico with a real fence (just half a fence, thank you).

Bush basically bought a weekend of chatter on the Sunday talk shows and took Obama down a notch for a brief period of time. If Obama chooses to label Gitmo a concentration camp-atmosphere next week...then we get another weekend of Hitler-chat, and maybe even a TBS-featured weekend of World War II movies featuring Hitler. Plus we're have to sit at the legion hall another weekend and hear the WW II guys tell their war stories for the 1000th time....on how they personally defeated the Nazi empire.

I think I've "Hitlered" this discussion enough but I'm sure some folks may want to Hitler-flame me a bit or Hitler-chastise me a bit. Feel Hitler-free to do so...if you want.

Just a Fake, But a Real Fake

So, this is what we know. In the town of Gerald, in the midst of Franklin County, Missouri....a guy shows up. He says with complete authority....that he is a federal drug agent, and he is on loan to the town. The guy spends the next couple of months....actually helping them conduct drug busts.

The best we can say about this fake DEA agent...is that he is truly a 36-year old man from Washington, MO. They are fairly sure he is married. We absolutely know that he never ever has been a DEA agent. And that he has been arrested now for impersonating a federal law agent. So far, the prosecutors are a bit laid back on charging the guy.....because he didn't do anything much wrong and actually did bust a couple of meth dudes.
The fake agent seemed to know the ins and outs of law enforcement, according to investigators and those who worked with him.

The guy even had a cream-colored Ford Crown Victoria with a siren bar and police radio. You can't fault a dude who drives a Crown Victoria....they are in the style you need for law enforcement. The guy walked around with a black T-shirt with "Police" written across across the chest and even wore dark tactical pants with pockets down the sides. He carried a gun in a side holster. He even had a federal-looking ID card and a federal-looking badge. Locals even admit that he was sturdily built and clean-cut (unlike your typical local cop who was 40 pounds overweight and always with sideburns).

"He was everything that you'd think a federal office would be," Mayor Otis Schulte said.

The locals all fell for the act when the guy arrived.....believing the talk that DEA was footing his bill, and that he would leave his Crown Victoria there when the operation was finished.

Somewhere in the midst of this.....he even gave a telephone number for them to call and verify everything. One of the folks even called once and got a woman who answered, and right away....she piped up "multi-jurisdictional task force."

So the game kinda fell apart when some folks started pointing out to the local newspaper that these searches that he was making.....didn't involve any search warrants. Naturally, the reporter for the paper started to ask additional questions.

The amusing part about this story....is that he has told various stories about himself over the past few months while claiming to be the DEA agent. He said at one point that he was a Iraq War veteran, then he mentioned that he was a retired Air Force chaplain and a father of two. He claimed at one point to have worked briefly at the Treasury Department in St. Louis. He has claimed that he worked for police departments around the state (from Kinloch, to East St. Louis and even Sauget). Folks are checking on all of these stories, but believe none are true.

So the county stepped in last Friday, grabbing the fake DEA guy. Later this week....the mayor got around to firing the town police chief and two of his officers because of the compromise in law enforcement.

The county guys now believe that all of the arrests made in the past couple of months that involved this guy....are going to be questioned and likely thrown out.

The sad thing here....is that if this guy had merely shown up at the police station and wanted to do some volunteer time to help them out....they would have accepted him in the front door and likely used his services in various ways. In a year or two....he might have been qualified enough to go on stake-outs and authorized to conduct arrests.

I'm guessing the guy will likely get some local county jail time, but less than a month. After that....I'm guessing he will retire from "police" interests.....but you never can tell.

Smart and Smarter and Smartest

There is a fascinating project going on in Florida....where some kind-hearted folks settled on this idea of saving the Everglades....or maybe just restoring the Everglades.....or maybe doing nothing for the Everglades....depending on your point of view.

Somewhere in the midst of this....is the South Florida Water Management District. They went out and got the $250 million to build this manificent 25-square-mile reservoir....largest damn reservoir in the world. Some folks think the final cost will be around $800 million by the end (2010, maybe).

There is another organization out there....by the name of the Natural Resources Defense Council. Naturally, they are defensive in nature....otherwise, they couldn't exist.

These folks from the NRDC say that the state just isn't committed to restoring the Everglades and this is all a bogus project. Goodness....truly bogus? When the state started....they said 80 percent of this reservoir would be for the Everglades and twenty percent for agriculture or development. The thing is....no one actually wrote a legal document saying anything.

I almost wept when I read that. To be so dang involved in a $800 million dollar project and not have a single legal document to guarantee how the water is used at the end....just makes my eyes puff right up. Brilliant....just absolutely brilliant. Not even Karl Rove could have dreamed of such a episode. Getting the $800 million and proudly talking about saving the Everglades must have gotten everyone's attention and made this a legit operation. But now? Those NRDC guys must have suddenly awaken and realized that things just aren't what folks say they are.

What happens next? If I were on the water commission....I'd write a powerful 400 page document and guarantee the Everglades water eternal....everlasting....and permanent. And around 2015, when you need this water...you pull out the document and change it. I'm guessing the NRDC guys are smarter than that though, and maybe there has to be a legislative effort here. I'm guessing also....that the state will run up a quick "fix" here and vote it quickly in. And in 2015, when you need that water....you just have a quick "fix" wrote up, vote it in, and then you steal the water back.

Those NRDC dudes may be smart.....but they aren't "Karl Rove-smart".

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Afghanistan and $50 Billion

Proudly yesterday, Afghanistan went before the international community and requested a gift of $50 billion to rebuild the nation. Yes, proudly.

By 12 June of this summer, the Afghani government says that they will produce a 5,000 page document, to explain how to rebuild the country, and will require $50 billion to accomplish this.

I was very impressed. Since I am a writer of sorts....when some guy says he is producing a 5,000 page document...it brings tears to my eyes. I start weeping, and then start thinking about grammar and paragraphs....then creativity....and finally a title for a masterpiece such as this.

How would I write this rebuilding document, to spend $50 billion?

Well...first off...a real country has to have a interstate, from one side of the country to the other, complete with rest stops and scenic view pull-offs. Additionally, you need a sea-world somewhere, and a six-flags. Somewhere in the middle, you typically need a real arch of sorts...like those St Louis folks have. Then you need five-star ski resort for the rich to enjoy. Then you need a major international airport where ladies meet you at the plane and escort you to the VIP lounge.

A major country needs a NFL football stadium, preferably a indoor joint with a retractable roof. They also need a 1st class NFL team, which in this case...the New Orleans Saints would be more than adequate and we could move them out there for the right price (the Kabul Saints).

Then we need strip joints, tattoo parlors, and fish-bait joints leading on the main highway out of Kabul. We need a hooters. We need a Philippine massage parlor. We need a beer garden and at least a dozen Wendy's joints.

We need a 10,000 acre catfish lake, and at least a dozen world-class golf courses. We need a Motel Six just outside of the Kabul Int'l Airport. We need a real Grand Ole Opry. We need at least a dozen national parks, with various paved roads and trails for folks to travel around. And we need a real international zoo, with polar bears and dolphins available.

I realize I'm asking for alot in $50 billion.....but you gotta feel sorry and weepy for my country.....Afghanistan. They don't even have a hooters.....and they deserve it. And lets face, you didn't give a damn about the New Orleans Saints. Its not like I'm sending the Oilers or the Cowboys out to Kabul.....you know.

Polar Ruckus

In 1960, the US Fish and Wildlife Service proclaimed the polar bear population of North America at a top level of 12,000 bears.

Sadly, we must report that the number of polar bears in the same region today have decreased down to 25,000. We use negative-negative numbers.....in order to show a negative number today.....even though you may think 25,000 is more....its not.

Proudly this week.....we can proclaim the polar bear an endangered species, thanks to the environmentalists and George W. Bush. We believe we can use positive-positive numbers in the future, but we aren't promising anything.

I pause here, to ponder a radical Bama-like idea.....to bring a thousand polar bears out of Alaska and resettle them in Bama. The logic here....is that they would learn to adjust to Bama heat, and later adapt. As my point is proven, we would relocate all of the poor polar bears out of the drying up regions of Alaska.....and prepare them for a better life in Bama.

Bama would be proud to accept the polar bears and even put a polar bear across the state flag, if the administration would support us. We would set up a national forest area south of Boaz.....to be called the George W. Bush Polar Bear Preserve. We would allow guided tours and run a special restaurant on the facilities for visitors to eat at, with fresh black bear grilled steaks and baked potatoes.

I'm guessing as things warm up.....some folks will be shocked to see a polar bear population increase....and by 2020....we might be up to 30,000 polar bears, which will still be endangered. In fact....by 2050.....we might have 80,000 polar bears.....and they'd still be endangered. Somewhere.....there has to be a light at the end of this tunnel.

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

The Gov

Out in California....the state government is about $15 billion short on funds. Somewhere amongst this massive mass....they really haven't grasped how to run a state government and make cuts.

So Gov Schwarzenegger has now indicated that he intends to borrow on future lotto profits to make up the $15 billion. The state has some financial institution who is willing to loan the money against the value of the lotto. It is rather amusing to read this little story and wonder what they would have used the lotto money for.....but can't.

How far does this carry thing? About one year....at best. Cutting in the future? Oh, if Vallejo can't cut or rearrange its weird salary structure....I'd give up on California. I would speculate that you will see the state in some kind of bankruptcy situation within three years. They will ask for a massive hand from the US government.....who probably will find that most senators aren't that willing to help out.

Folks notice today that businesses are leaving the state on a weekly basis. Few people want to start new businesses in the state. Property taxes are on the high side. And crime is a serious issue in most of the cities of the state. This is really a major indicator of the problems to come....when they try to swap the lotto profits to just get by.

Sunday, 11 May 2008

Junta 101: Ripley-style

So with so much chatter on Burma (Myanmar) and Juntas....it comes to pass that a fair number of folks don't grasp what a Junta is. So allow me to present an introduction of a Junta, using Bama as an example.

There in the state of Bama, twelve national guard Lt Col's and sixteen sheriff's have this meeting down in Bessemer. Its in the private catering room of the local catfish grill. The twenty-eight fellas sit and chow down on some fine catfish, and then chat on the comings and goings of Bama.

Frankly, they are all unhappy with the Republicans and Democrats in the state. In fact, all of the guys at this meeting are unsatisifed with the lifestyle presented to the state. Folks are heading to hell. Folks aren't acting mature or adult-like. Corruption is rampant.

So out comes national guard general Larry. He is the 29th member of the elite group there at the fish grill. Larry has spent 32 years in the Bama guard and frankly is very dissatisfied with the state political scene. He thinks it ought to be fixed.

So Larry directs up an idea. Toss out the Republicans and Democrats from the state political process. Toss out the Bama constitution. Toss out the remaining sheriffs and military leadership. They, the 29, would run the state. The boys all look at each other....half of them sipping ice tea at the moment....and thinking....man, that Larry is pushing the system.

They eventually all agree and go back to start the plan.

A month goes by and the 29 start their campaign. Using all of the national guard members of Bama, they move in quickly to unseat all local and state government offices. They move to the interstate and major highway system of the state. They cut off all access to Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, and Mississippi. The port at Mobile is put under the control of the 29. The airports in the state are closed off, with only the airport at Montgomery allowed to be operational but under the control of the 29.

Every TV station and cable TV network is cut off. Every radio station and newspaper is terminated. No news....is good news.

The 29 gather up every Baptist minister in the state and lay out the plan....absolutely no alcohol sales whatsoever. No strip joints. No immoral behavior. No internet. Mandatory Sunday attendance at church for every state resident. The ministers are thrilled and believe the hand of God has personally made this event happen.

The universitys are closed. High schools are allowed to remain open but are mandated to graduate kids by age 15. No demanding classes are required and everyone must participate in mandatory physical training. At 16, all kids are required to attend two years of military service, with half required to spend two additional years. They are paid $44 a month for essentials.

Right away, there is trouble. So you bring in the guy, his wife, and both their families. The 29 have the guy beaten severely, and then have the wife whipped in front of her family. Any future trouble from them, and you will have them killed.

Most border states look on and are dismayed but won't do nothing about this. In fact, they are worried that they may have national guard idiots like this, so they fire all of their leadership in the guard.

Without tourism, the state revenue box becomes bare. Without the export of Bama products, there is little to tax. Folks grow enough food for themselves and little more. Electrical power becomes difficult to produce, so they go to eight hours a day of power.

You have some coup-plotters, but then you roust them out and kill half of them to make a point to the public. You make sure the executions are in the city square so everyone can watch.

Without new cars, the public takes to using vehicles as long as possible, and mechanics become the most treasured state asset. Fuel becomes difficult to come by, and the state uses half of its corn supply to brew ethanol which cuts into food production across the state.

You start to allow TV again, but only one channel and one of the 29 personally reviews everything. You get eight hours a day of Hee Haw and the rest filled with state propaganda from the 29.

You allow in some CNN reporters but have them trailed constantly....threatening them and intimating them.

Strangely enough, the 29 all get vast tracks of property, into the tens of thousands of acres. They have private staffs of 100 folks waiting on them. They each have a security detail of 300, who are fully armed and ready to go. Each of the 29 has a area of Bam that is their personal area to manage. All of the 29 have trucks that secretly cross the border into Mississippi each day and bring back vast amounts of booze, clothing, and DVDs. The 29 own or control 95 percent of the state's wealth. No bank operates without the permission of the 29. If you were to deposit $10k in an account, the bank would report it and someone would come to your house to ask how you acquired the $10k.

As each of the 29 comes up and dies....his family is able to appoint the nearest cousin or son to replace the guy on the position chart. Coups come and go....no one is ever able to overthrow the Junta. The Junta survives because they have just enough power to control things but not threaten each other.

Eventually a hurricane arrives in Mobile and destroys all of the city. The US government and the state of Mississippi....would like to come in and offer up equipment and emergency supplies. But the Junta of Bama refuses that. Eventually, they agree but want everything marked as "donated by the Bama Junta". The US government and the Mississippi state folks meet and discuss the situation into the night. The problem is....you don't want to upset the Junta. It just wouldn't be right. So you hold back....waiting....day after day....until 40,000 people in Mobile die from starvation or disease.

So the Junta survived on....never really challenged.

Saturday, 10 May 2008

Men, Real Men, Real Honky Tonk Men, & Otherwise

You will notice off my list of magazines to read.....I did leave Esquire off the list. Frankly, its hard for me to get into Esquire....I believe its for a certain type of guy....just not me (normally). This month's issue features an interesting article (not that I would normally read Esquire, you know). There are 75 skills that every man should have....or at least in Esquire's opinion. I was open....I read it.

Frankly, some of these skills are precisely what I have today. Yes....I can tell someone advice that matters in one sentence, if necessary. Yes....I can tell if someone is lying. Yes.....I can name a book that matters (you just won't read it though). Yes.....I can write a letter or even a blog. Yes.....I can calculate square footage. Yes.....I can shuffle a deck of cards and jump-start a car if necessary.

But then the skills got tough. No....cooking something like meat on something besides the grill.....why? Tell a woman her dress size.....doesn't she know already? Explain a light year.....I don't intend to travel in such a manner that requires a description. Know some bird types....sure....ok....chicken and turkey (turkey is better for a sandwich, I know). Negotiate a better price...if the guy put up a sign for $99....I'm assuming he is pretty sure about the price. Chop down a tree? Well...a chain saw is alot faster.

These skills that Esquire wrote up....just aren't on my list. My important skills would include (1) knowing the in's and out's of septic tank replacement, (2) making perfect ice tea, (3) slicing damn thin lemon slices for my ice tea, (4) setting the timing on a 1974 Chevy pick-up, (4) Grilling six different meats (including Ostrich) on the grill at one time, (5) knowing how to speak very very very low to the lady in the tube top at Dairy Queen so she has to lean over the counter, and (6) knowing how to evacuate New Orleans if a hurricane is forecasted. These are remarkable skills to have....and guys ought to learn them.

It Ought to Be a Joke, But Its Not

For those who've never noticed...all government buildings have florescent lights. They are usually the two foot version or the four foot version. In the typical 15 by 15 foot room, there are at least twelve of these four foot bulbs in the ceiling. To be quiet honest, everyone likes the lighting but they can't stand changing the bulbs or the starters that go with them. There is mortal fear that as you "twist" the bulb...it'll shatter. In a typical year across a base....there will at least two dozen incidents where the guy unscrewing the bulb will suddenly find the bulb shattering in his hands....because it was tough to twist or it just wouldn't twist all the way. So folks let burnt bulbs sit there....for weeks and months and even years.

This week....at some base in the Air Force....this email came out:

From: (Building Manager) Civ USAF AFMC 753 ELSG/OM
Sent: Thursday, May 08, 2008 12:24 PM
To: 753 ELSG Bldg 1607 Occupants
Subject: New Burnt-out Bulb Replacement Program

The IAP (Replaced Del-Jen) Civil Engineering Contract does not provide for burnt-out bulb replacement and it is considered an “Occupant” responsibility for all lights at 10 feet and below. Our ceilings are 9 feet. IAP will replace bulbs in stairwells.

If you have any burnt-out fluorescent bulbs that need to be replaced, we have made a cart that has a ladder, safety goggles, and a supply of new straight and curved fluorescent bulbs. It also has separate boxes to place the burnt-out bulbs in.

It will be located in the Demo Room lobby.

It is recommended that you form a team of three. Bulb replacer, ladder holder, and bulb handler to give and take new and used bulbs. Safety goggles are provided and must be worn.

The lack of volunteers necessitates this new approach.

Call (the building manager) at x3-6718 if you have any questions.


It is truly a fascinating E-mail. So to take out a stupid bulb....it takes three Air Force personnel. Using the old joke....it would have taken five Polish guys....but then maybe the three Air Force guys are a bit smarter. Sadly, they are not.

After twenty-two years in the military...I retired to become a systems contractor for the Air Force, and work in a vault...with lots of florescent bulbs. As indicated in this E-mail that they sent out.....none of the airman or NCOs I work with are volunteers to ever replace the bulbs.

But here in this case.....I would not want them to (try twisting a four-foot florescent bulb). I open the fixture and with a time-tested method of twisting the bulb... I remove the bulb. I've never broken a bulb in my life. It takes me 60 seconds to switch out a bulb. If I went around looking for volunteers, then searching for safety gear, and conducting the proper removal...I’d spend 30 minutes per bulb. Maybe I should rent myself out....just to change bulbs for the Air Force....but then I'd have to actually get paid REAL money and they wouldn't like that.

Burma

I'm really the last guy around who wants to use the term Myanmar for Burma. It doesn't work.

In recent days, the Junta of the country....who really run everything....have probably made themselves look as foolish as they possibly can. They don't care. They don't ever leave the country....and if they do...its strictly to run out to Hong Kong or Malaysia for a weekend. The country has no industry and makes almost no money. Tourism is non-existent. Nothing really matters. Folks have been talking about this for twenty years and the UN never grasped that this is a serious situation.

So close to a 100,000 folks are dead in Burma. And within a month....there could be another 100,000 dead from starvation or disease. By August....maybe even another hundred thousand. It doesn't matter.

So the UN will sit there and argue and argue and argue....while people die. You can't force help upon these idiots. Even the US Air Force is debating just dropping tons and tons of food and water to the affected areas....to avoid landing there. They aren't worried about being shot down because Burma doesn't even have the ability to defend their air space.

Code Pink Black Magic


Out in the real world....out past Ripley, Red Bay, and Iuka....there is Berkeley, CA. For a number of months there....in this one-horse town....the Marine recruiting station has been confronted by Code Pink.

For those from Iuka, who haven't heard of Code Pink....they are a bunch of liberal wussies....usually dressed in pink, very anti-Bush, anti-war, anti-this, anti-that. They confronted the Marines at the downtown recruiting facility using just about every tactic possible.

This week.....they started using black magic. They even admit it in public. They took to wearing the witches black hats and reciting incantations (although we can't confirm if these are Harry Potter-authorized or just random made up incantations). The Marine captain in charge of the station says it really hasn't fazed him much. He hasn't grown a tail yet or found a dragon out in his front yard.

I was sitting there and pondering the situation....thinking that these Code Pink folks need to feel reality....which a voodoo doll might give. If the Marine captain was smart....he'd get a couple of these and position them in the front window of the recruiting station. The Code Pink crowd might get a bit disturbed over that, but then they may have earned a minute or two of voodoo.