Saturday, 31 May 2008
Sometime today....in the midst of democracy America....a DNC group will meet and determine the value of Michigan and Florida votes. The current belief (as of Thursday night)....is that they will agree to seat half the delegates at the Democratic convention from those two states....as punishment.
I'm sitting wiping away the tears of laughter from my face....as they openly declare every vote declared there in those two states...as half-a-vote....by a half-wit. These were registered half-wits....pure-blooded Florida and Michigan half-wits. To be honest....some of those half-wits actually were dually registered in New York, New Jersey, Ohio, etc.....and they got their real vote in there....and get a half-vote in this primary episode, which is fair to me.
Its hard to be a half-person, a half-wit, or even a half of anything....these days. It takes work....honest to God real American effort....to make something from a whole....into half. A half-vote? Is there such a thing? Well...from a historical view....we did have this prior to 1860...in most southern states....to actually count the slave vote but not declare the guy a whole person. The plus to this dimwitted strategy was to have a census every ten years and actually beef up the southern population to counter those damn yankees. But that all disappeared in 1860. We haven't had half-witted voting since that point.
I sat and pondered this. If we could do this in the senate....allowing for certain guys to have half-a-vote....after committing some crime or needing discipline. Like that Idaho fella who likes to toe-tap with other guys in airport bathrooms. We could have brought him in....and declared for twelve months....his votes were half-votes....thus making Idaho consider dumping him or just accepting 1.5 votes in their favor when Idaho legislation came up. We could have done this with various other congressmen....offering them a half-vote for a year or two as punishment. This makes good sense in this aspect.
But with such fine ideas...come problems. Folks would begin to question half-wits about why they stay on. Then folks would ask if you could quarter up votes....and then you'd have real trouble. So these DNC guys are going to have a great Saturday....and probably declare you folks from Michigan and Florida as half-wits. Be proud....the folks from 48 other states couldn't accomplish that feat. Be proud....you actually got the state into the weekend news....and it was NOT from a murder or crime. Be proud....you didn't even have to pay the DNC to accomplish this splitting of the votes. Be proud....America needs more half-wits like you.
So tonight, as you sit there at the porch....sipping your ice chilled tea....eating some saltine crackers....think of them poor folks from Michigan and Florida....and say a little prayer for them. They need it. They are the halves and we are the halve-nots.