Saturday, 14 June 2008

2100: Doom, Doom, Doom

Since reading of the coming Armageddon in ABC's 2100: End of Civilization.....I've been pondering these "end of days.

After blogging that bit yesterday on 2100....and its impact....I can readily see the vision now.

Yes....now with the evidence from the anticipated September viewing of 2100: End of Civilization....I can now chill out and relax. I feel better now. It has been haunting me for years....this continual year after year....no end....just the same old crap. But now....knowing that its official and ABC is going to help publicize it.....the end is near.

For those of you who bought the life-long warranty on the riding lawn mower that you paid $8k for.....yep....you can feel cheated now. That mower won't exist after 2100.

For those of you who had money set aside for nephews and grandkids....don't waste a minute. Take that money out and spend it on hell-raising, gambling, hookers, drugs, and wasted weekends in Mexico. Buy four hundred pounds of play-doh and drink whiskey like a champ.

That greasy stuff that isn't real grease that you've been using for fries and catfish....dump that stuff down your toilet and buy yourself 100 percent real fatty grease.

The pallet at Wal-mart of 500 pounds of charcoal....buy the pallet you idiot....and burn that stuff as quickly as possible. Eat beef....eat it like its going out of style.

Enjoy every last glorious day until 2100 and the end. Don't let this bit of pessimistic behavior hinder your lifestyle. When your buddy gets tickets to a New York Jets game, and you gotta drive 36 hours to get there from Mobile....DO IT. Drive every bit of the way in a luxery SUV and toss every aluminum can of beer out the window along the interstate. Don't worry about trash....we got less than 90 years of life left on this damn planet. Use or lose it.

Those idiot neighbors who have bothered you and the wife constantly....walk over and dig on their septic tank and fire fifty rounds of ammo into the bottom. To hell with them. Shoot their car tires out while standing there...for good measure.

The pontoon boat that Uncle Jeff denied you last summer....go down and sink the damn thing at the dock. Don't worry about retribution....we got 90 years of life to go, and then the big damn end.

ABC was right.....don't lie....don't fake the truth.....just let us have it. We need to live like giants and enjoy what little remains in our miserable lives. The high school reunion where you were going to skip next year? Don't skip it....dump that husband of yours and hire some NY City male model to escort you.

The Baptist minister who kept talking about your future standing in the church and moving up as a possible deacon one day....forget it....go to Vegas, Memphis, and New Orleans. Get a real life and lose all the reputation that you've wasted time earning.

ABC is absolutely right....we needed this show of theirs in September....to set our compass on the right direction. And when they sit there....quietly suggesting "change"....don't even fake yourself out....its the right kind of "change" that needs to be done. Its not Obama that you need....it's giving up on life and living for the moment and knowing this new improved "change" will make the end so much better.

I'm whacked out on "change" now. I've sipped three or four Mountain Dews, and had half-a-box of cheese crackers....and damn....I feel good. So when the September show of 2100: End of Civilization comes on....get the right message. Feel the "change", and then enjoy. Life never felt better.

I'll probably wake up in the morning with a headache from the Dew....but damn....it was a good caffeine attack.

Oh, and rumor has it that ABC has some plan for a special two-hour news piece...."The Wonderful World of Technology in 2100". It'll be a damn fine show....I'm sure. Other rumors include a two-hour news piece called...."America: Holy Hell in 2100", and "2100: Our Land on Mars" and "Freaky Hollywood Bimbos in 2100". Its all probably one guy from Red Bay, Bama writing this stuff for them.

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