Thursday, 19 June 2008

Al "The Mighty" & His Woes

So....lets get this all straight. Al "The Mighty" Gore.....decided last year he was in deep crap and wanted to make his home in Nashville more energy-efficient. So , Al "The Mighty" added solar panels, installed a geothermal system, replaced existing light bulbs with more efficient models, and overhauled the windows and ductwork. He had experts all along the way....to make damn sure this was a show-house later.

This month....the Tennessee Center for Policy Research went out and got the electrical power usage for Al's house....which apparently....they can do in Tenn....and discovered that Al's radically designed house.....now consumes.....10 percent more power than it did before.

From Bama.....this is practically impossible for me to imagine. The Center says that Al's home used up 213,210 kilowatt-hours (kWh) of electricity, which oddly enough is enough power to support around 232 average American households for a month. Al's current bill.....almost $16.5k a month.....is a whopper.

So being from Bama....I have made four observations.....which....if Al is reading this....this is free advice.

First....it just ain't possible for Al's home to be using 10 percent more power than before....therefore, I am left with the belief that the guys who installed all of this.....are working for Karl Rove.....and they've installed a massive power device beneath the swimming pool which burns up $8k worth a power a month to make Al look foolish. Karl would be the likely guy running this....since he is from Bama....and would pay off guys with Saudi slushy money.

Second....it is my firm belief here....as a second possibility....that Al accidentally turned the solar reflector switch to the right....and is currently pumping solar power back out via the devices....toward the sun. I saw this once on a Simpsons episode. I believe Al was simply an idiot and threw the switch the wrong way.

Third.....I think Al never read the instruction book that came with the crap he installed....thus has never used a single bit of its potential power to save energy. Al is that stupid....if you didn't know.

Fourth and final.....Al....if you are reading this and really are red-faced over this crap....then listen carefully. The best way to fix this problem....is to quietly buy the property next door, and run a PVC pipe under the turf one night....while Karl Rove is not looking.....and join your power consumption switch with the next door's house. You buy the house next door under an assumed name....like Homer T. Picklebody....and just use this fake home front....to hide your real usage of electricity. Let your home show 1kWh of power for the entire year. Make Karl weep. Make the Tennessee Center for Policy Research weep. Make Fox News weep. Make Rush weep.

You don't deserve all this harsh treatment Al. Just because you run the sauna twenty-four hours a day.....have a pizza oven running around the clock.....and have twenty-two plasma LCD panels in the game room....doesn't mean you have to suffer. Get real....cheat....be a real American and beat the system. Don't let them knock you.

1 comment:

Momma Bear said...

He's waiting to see if they'll offer him another prize!! lol