Saturday, 15 November 2008

Your Friendly Government Manager

It appears likely by the spring of 2009, that the US government will own vast amounts of companies throughout the US...from Ford, Chrysler and GM....to various airports in the country....over to possibly several telecommunications companies. In fact, there is no limit to how far this government ownership situation may go.

Naturally, being from Bama....I have a vastly different prospective on government ownership of companies. Allow me to offer some analysis.

First, as screwed up as Ford is....on a incompetency scale of one to ten....they currently rate 8.5. Government ownership and management....might actually help to bring them down to a incompetency scale of 7.5. Maybe this might be a good idea....and the 8-cylinder F-150 can survive on.

For some reason, I have utter fear of Catfish Cabin and its various restaurants....along with Sonic and Dunkin Donuts falling into the hands of the US government. I believe government ownership would condemn these operations to fall within weeks.

Hooters, under US government ownership? What idiot congressman or senator signs off on this and expects to be reelected. Will any government representative even be willing to show up in a Hooters?

Midas Muffler, under US government control? As hostile and angry as folks get now with poor service with a few operations....that government representative would have to exit the US and live in Costa Rica to avoid the heat.

Hustler magazine, under US government control? Well....maybe the idiot would be smart enough to add a stero column and a special section for former Playboy readers....to help them become accustomed to a bold new world.

Burger King, under US government control? 100 percent Argentine beef whoopers or would we be forced to have American beef loaded with steroids?

NBC, under US government control? Would we get more US government commercial activity....like buy bonds or get tested for worms? MSNBC under government control? Would Keith Olbermann be allowed to stay or would have to move to Montana and work for channel 9 as a local anchor?

Dallas Cowboys under US government control? Would we get a lousy quarterback dumped on the team or would we get a special deal with the US government owned Chicago Bears? Would the only NFL team not owned by the US government....the Green Bay Packers....seek to dissolve the league because of incompetent management across the entire league?

Preparation H, under government control? Would the formula change? Would the government screw up a perfect preparation? Would alot of truckers weep and cry when the formula simply didn't work?

Finally, we come to Pepsi. Alone in the shadows....they are the last company on American soil that will allow some idiot government guy to come in and take control of the company. They will be hundreds of Pepsi men standing tall and fighting to the bitter end....to keep Pepsi "government-free". I believe, in my heart of hearts....that Pepsi can survive, and thrive when all other companies fail.
So quietly, I sit here now....awaiting the arrival of government men....who will tear the heart out of Six Flags, Budweiser, Victoria's Secret and Fox News. The blame clearly goes onto the laps of those Princeton, Harvard, Colombia and Yale business graduates....who plotted from day one to bring down America....and here we are.

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