Week of 30 September 2005

Entry for September 30, 2005

So the President approval rating went up 2 points. I sat there and thought....you know....no one ever asked me this kinda question. In fact, I don't remember anyone asking regular questions. So I sent out veteran Redneck reporter Homer....to Ripley to ask real no-kidding questions to folks to form a real-life consensus of things. Question 1: If you had to invite one person to dinner from these three (George Bush, Pamela Sue Anderson, or Jerry Springer)....who'd you invite? Our audience responded with 80 percent for Jerry Spring, 19 percent for Ms. Anderson (with several folks asking if she would be sipping brandy during the meal), and GW got 1 percent. Things seem to go against GW in social environments. Question 2: If you had 3 guys at the front door asking to borrow money (Senator Harry Reid, Slugger Barry Bonds, or Pete Rose)....who would loan money to? 98 percent responded Pete Rose....because both Barry and Harry are open faced liars. Pete at least admits he gambles a bit, and might be more likely to return the money. Question 3: If GW shot your hunting dog, and said it was a accident....would you believe him? 41 percent said no way, 20 percent said yes, and the remainder said they whop his butt anyway....didn't matter how he answered. Question 4: Who is more likely to lie amongst CNN, Fox News, and National Enquirer? National Enquirer gets the boot hands down with 88 percent....but CNN runs second with 12 percent. 0 percent responded with Fox News. Question 5: If you were in New Orleans and you were told a hurricane would hit in 2 days.....would you leave? 98 percent of the folks in Ripley said "hell yes", and 2 percent said Moma didn't allow them to transit through sin capitals of the south. Question 6: If you were sitting in New Orleans....with 100 buses parked in a parking lot, and a hurricane barreling down on you....what action would you take? 98 percent said they'd hot-wire the bus and proceed north to Hot Springs, Arkansas. 2 percent responded that moma wouldn't allow them to transit through sin capitals of the south. Question 7: If you had a $100 billion in your pocket....would you rebuild New Orleans? 98 percent said "hell no", and 2 percent responded that only with god's good blessing and moma's permission would they rebuild it. Folks in ripley don't rightly care about questionnaires....and would much more prefer a catfish fry or a chili cookoff. Life doesn't come down to simple choices. And if you play by the numbers....moma ain't going to be happy.

Entry for September 28, 2005

Ok, so maybe 80 percent of those 500 cops who never showed up for work in New Orleans...never existed....if FBI indications are true on this. All this money....year after year....that went to these bogus cops....where is it today? This would take a number of people to run and manage...more than 20 or 30. It sounds like at least 100 folks in the police department need to find new employment, and they might be facing jail time. This would explain why the city had huge problems with crime....and things went way out of control during and after the hurricane.

Week of 24 September 2005

Voter ID:

Every election time in the US reveals these strange and rather eventful episodes where folks just appear, claim voting status, and vote...even though there are questions about their residency and exactly who they are. Frankly....its time to clean this up and move onto a clean election slate.

Voter ID apparently is a nasty term for alot of folks, but there is not an adult in the US who should have either a state drivers license or state ID card (it could be one and the same for all I care). If you moved to Texas...then within 30 days, you ought to be downtown getting a new Texas state drivers license....and get registered to vote at the same time. Then you show up on election day....at the right polling station we hope....and show the ID to vote. They write down your ID number and then you vote.

As we turn in the voting machines....we turn in the paperwork with ID numbers and names. It goes onto a national database. Anyone who appears twice....gets a visit by local law enforcement and a invitation to court. The minimum fine ought to be at least $5,000 and denial of voting privileges for 10 years.

Its silly for us to just continue on....knowing at least 200,000 nationwide are illegally voting....in the wrong state or multiple voting. Charge $8 for a state ID and force every state to work within the federal program. After all....we do want fair and correct elections....don't we?

Entry for September 24, 2005

A lesson in history for any environmentalist who wants to tag hurricanes with global warming.

1900: Galveston, 6k to 12k deaths. Before global warming.

1919: Atlantic Gulf. 1k to 2k deaths. Before global warming.

1926: The Great Miami Hurricane. 300 to 400 deaths. Before global warming.

1928: The San Felipe Hurricane. 1800 to 2000 deaths. Before global warming.

1935: The Labor Day Hurricane. 408 deaths. Before global warming.

1938: The New England Hurricane. 600 deaths. Before global warming.

1944: The Great Atlantic Hurricane. 400 deaths. Before global warming.

1954: Hurricanes Carol and Edna. 100 deaths. Before global warming.

1954: Hurricane Hazel. 95 deaths. Before global warming.

1955: Hurricanes Carol and Diane. 500 to 1000 deaths. Before global warming.

1957: Hurricane Audry. 390 deaths. Before global warming.

1960: Hurricane Donna. 114 deaths. Before global warming.

1969: Hurricane Camille. 256 deaths. Before global warming.

Assuming that we pinpoint global warming back to Nixon...then the environmentalists have problems explaining the various hurricanes before 1969. I doubt if any of those guys ever took a class in history or understand the implications of history. The problem with environmentalists is that they created their own science. They rarely if ever took classes in weather or history. It is almost amusing to listen to a intelligent discussion amongst these folks....and they never look back to other events of similar comparison. History is the least of their skills.

Entry for September 19, 2005

The German elections and muddled mess. To be in charge of the German government, you must have 50 percent of the parliament...so all this conservative party did was win 35 percent, and their buddies (the pro-business party) won 10 percent...so they don't have 50 percent.

Then the liberal Demo's...won 34 percent...and they have basically said they would join up into a partnership, but not with Merkel in charge...hinting they want their guy to run the government, which Merkel isn't about to do.

Then you have the issue of the communists left party which took 8 percent, which the conservatives said NO...they would not allow them into the team.

Then you have the last group, the greens...which would not really mix...but Merkel was open to the idea....but the head green dimwit said he would not participate in such a team.

The next seven days will be total disaster in the German business sector...because they will see absolute confusion and stupidity.

If Merkel can't get a team together in a week...then the number two guy....with the liberal Demo's...gets his shot...but his problem is that he can only partner up with the Greens...which gives him only 44 percent. And his absolute most hated politician runs the communist left party...so count them out.

Even the papers are sitting there and pondering how this can possibly work out now. Its like 1932 all over again, when Hitler got his invitation to take charge. all of the little jokes about how Bush won and how he cheated on votes....really doesn't compare to this episode. I doubt seriously any government formed will last more than 12 months. And lots of Germans are in the disenchanted category....they just don't care for the employment and tax situation....and blame the politicians for the issues.

Just to Defy Logic

Just a moment of redneck reflection upon ethics. In your grimy hands (from putting axle grease on the combine all day)....you hold an object in each hand. In the left hand, there is an object which kills over 400,000 Americans per year. Its simple to operate and manuever. Its compact. It can be readily hidden in your purse, under the car seat and in your chain-saw bag. Its dirt simple to operate, and kids can even pick it up and operate as well. You can buy it down at the Thrift-mart....25 of them for less than $5 almost. Every government guy is happy you buy them cause you help finance salmon fish tank up in Oregon or pay for some congressman to travel to Bermuda to investigate local conditions there. In the other hand, there is a object which is basically the same....although instead of killing 400,000 a year....it more or less makes folks think and operate at 20 percent of what they were doing before (even less than Aunt Polly on a good day). After people use this object, they walk around smiling....eating a bit more than they should....and tell stupid stories about themselves that they might better be quiet about. This item ain't legal, and its not taxed. Although you can buy this item just as easily.....down the street at Little Frank's house. Frank even grows it locally and guarantees that nothing has been added to the object other than organic material....something that the first object can't guarantee. One can actually get you jail time (in Cudzo, Missisissippi and various other locations). Folks can get all upset if they fnd you have the second item in your possession....although you can use the first item all the time and literally die on their front doorstep and they will will just say some kind words over your grave.

There are these occasions where things defy logic....and this is one of them. Perhaps both ought to be illegal, or both ought to be legal. The amusing thing is that nothing will ever change....and 400,000 people will die next year only because they held an object in their hand. And that's the really sad part of the entire story. Common sense ought to override temptation, but it can't.

Iran: The Trailer-Park Scenario

The 400 pound Iranian Neighbor and his toys (Nuclear of course). Well...Mullah Marty has established himself in your local trailer-park. Of course, Marty has this fantastic gun and weapon collection that increases each month. Most of your trailer trash neighbors think that Marty might be getting to a point of being a problem...and they've gone to the trailer park chief...Mr. Anan (pronounced A-Nan in Louisiana). But trailer park management really has its limits. They don't want to really get onto Marty too much....and besides....what can you say when Marty is mostly within his rights to have as many weapons as he wants.

So now, the neighbors have stopped going to Mr. Anan....and instead are looking at you...Big Bob...who also lives in this trailer park....and you have a fantastic collection of weapons as well. But you've always been known as just a good guy....just going half-cocked five or six times in 30 years where you did something stupid with your weapons. There was that time 3 years ago where you shot up Woody's trailer because you thought he had a huge gun collection illegally in the first place.....which you tried to tell Mr. Anan that....but you discovered after the trailer burned to the ground....that there weren't any guns in there....although Woody was a character that needed to be run out of the park....so everything worked out in the end (well....kinda).

So its your mission now to handle Mullah Marty. You've gone to the neighbors....Little Frenchy (the dude in the pink trailer who drinks sour wine and sings happy songs all the time), The Schmidt (the guy who drinks pure warm beer only, has life as a routine and is mostly obsessive compulsive), and Dippy Dinah (who has bad teeth, sips tea all the time, and cites Churchill quotes that really don't fit the occasion). None of these folks can think of anything to change Mullah Marty and they'd prefer you fix the situation. You on the other hand....after the burnt-trailer episode...would prefer to kinda keep low for five years....not to worry about ethical questions again (usually not a southern trait, but you've been wrong a tad once too often).

So what to do on Mullah Marty. If you let him go, and he starts talking some other bud's of his into getting weapon collections in the trailer park....then things really go down hill and that just ain't right. So you might have to talk to Yu-Lan (the fellow down the block who sells most of the weapon collection to Marty).....and maybe he will just get smart and stop selling. Maybe you could talk that other neighbor....Levi Luke....into just quietly setting fire to the Mullah Marty's trailer....just quietly, one night, no questions. Otherwise, there ain't much else to do.

Dang, where is that Jerry Springer-guy when you need him? Just drag Mullah Marty onto the show with wife, and let her surprise him with her affairs with Boris the one-eyed butcher, and Marty might start thinking about other issues....and dump that dang collection.

Blogs from the week of September 16th, 2005

Entry for September 16, 2005

Cindy and Peace-lovers. My patience runs almost nil with the peace campaign underway in the US and the amount of blame dumped upon the executive office. I keep looking for a history of when these folks stood up and "stood" their ground on other episodes...but strangely enough...you can't find it.

They should have been screaming for the Palestinian Liberation Organization to stop killing Jews but they didn't

They should have been screaming for Hamas and Islamic Jihad to stop killing Jews but they didn't

They should have been screaming for the Hutus and Tutsis to make peace but they didn't

They should have been screaming for that madman Saddam to stop killing Kurds or Iranians, but they didn't

They should have been screaming for the Turks to stop killing Kurds or Greeks, but they didn't

They should have been screaming for the Chinese to stop killing Vietnamese in 1982 but they didn't

They should have been screaming for the Angolan Army to stop killing with the help of the Cuban Army in the 1980's, but they didn't

They should have been screaming for the Muslims to stop killing Christians in Indonesia, Malaysia, and China and North Korea, but they didn't

They should have been screaming for the Sudanese to stop the torture and slave trade which continues today in Darfur, they haven't said a word

They should have been screaming when the Syrians invaded Lebanon in 1985 and have continued an occupation of Lebanon since the 1980's, but no a word

They should have been screaming when Pol Pot started a genocide in 1975, but not one single word

They should be screaming now about Mugabe killing all the white farmers in Africa in Zimbabwe, but they haven't done a thing

They should have been screaming at the murders caused by the African National Congress and their necklacing of prisoners and at Winnie Mandela who was convicted of murder, yet the they remain silent;

They should have been screaming about Tiananmen Square, but they remained silent;

They should have been screaming about the repression in Cuba and why so many people have chosen to flee in rickety little boats, but the silence deafens

They should be screaming at the Palestinians for their suicide bombings that intentionally target innocent school age children, but they kept their mouth shut

They should be screaming at the Palestinians for their suicide bombings that intentionally target innocent people on buses, or pizza parlors, or weddings, or wheel-chair bound invalids on cruise ships, or Olympic hotels, but they won't do that

So here we sit...with fools who pretend to be pure of thought and demanding peace....and yet they really haven't earned any points. Wonder why?

Saturday September 17, 2005 - 06:10am

New Orleans and Its Rich (Poor) History

New Orleans and its "Poor" History. Ok, so lets step back a second and examine how NO reached its present state. The French came in the 1500's....with an idea of making the region a agricultural paradise. The rich delta of La and Mississippi were perfect. In the beginning, indigo and sugar cane were the major crops of choice...but the issue was where would get manpower? By 1600, the French attempted to bring 10,000 Germans, French, and Dutch...the down & out guys in debt prison or as down on their luck as you can be. After 10 years, they admitted total failure. No one wanted to work their butt off, nor work in the hot climate. This had already been discovered 20 years prior when the local Indians said the same thing as they were slave labor.

So they went to plan B....bring in African slaves. Disease was a major issue, and you had to have a continuous supply to make up for the deaths....but when blacks escaped...there was no place to really escape to....and the local Indians weren't going to be that friendly with them.

So the crops continued on....and the French eventually reached a point where money did pour in. And there were significant improvements with black slaves being set free (to some minor degree). But as you get up to the 1700s, and NO is becoming one of the top 3 cities in North America....it already has a funny taste to it. Its where you go as a rich farmer to pocket the money, sell crops, and have a jolly time.

In the 1800s....it went through the civil war and continued on with agriculture. And as they tumbled into the 1920s and 1930s....its fortune increased with oil and natural gas. Although the state simply poured what profits it made into the roads and hospitals. The standard of living throughout the state never truely advanced.

By the 1970s and 80s....the port was a major money maker...and some major businesses were pushing the city ahead. But blacks in NO were not getting ahead....nor did they try to leave. They were addicted to the culture and conditions. They didn't demand better circumstances. So when the mighty storm came....they sat and waited for the government to save their butt. And this time....it simply wasn't going to happen. All the fools who sat in the SuperDome, and thought they'd walk out in the morning, never asked their governor or mayor why extra food and water wasn't there at the SuperDome. They never asked why extensive plans were not tested. They really didn't demand that much....like a French attitude....they just stuck with plan A, and never thought about a plan B.

So life is forever different in NO. There will be less people in town by 2006...no doubt. But maybe thats a good thing. No one is demanding that NO be a certain size....so maybe some folks will find a better life elsewhere, where people demand such.

Tags: orleans, history | Edit Tags

Wednesday September 14, 2005 -

Tour De Farce: Bubba Armstrong & Urine

Armstrong and the French Urine. Ok, so lets get this simple and put down into the weeds for folks to understand. Lets say Bubba showed up in 1999 at the Ripley tractor-pull and they asked for urine prior to the event...and he gave (with help from a Budweiser). Bubba went out and won that tractor pull. Then he came back in 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, and 2005, and won all of those tractor pull's there at Ripley. The folks at Ripley are kind of aggravated at Bubba winning all these...cause he ain't from around those parts. They hush up though and wait. When Bubba finally says ENOUGH...no more tractor pulls...then those Ripley folks pull out a urine sample from 1999...and say that Bubba was using something. Of course, they only pulled his sample and none of the rest of the dudes who showed up that year. And they don't explain how they keep this sample all these years....might have been at the 7-11 at Ripley, or the high school refrigerator, perhaps in the cooler at Barney's Fish and Bait shop. Bubba is peeved. He ain't happy. But he wasn't going to go back to the tractor pull cause his new wife-to-be wants him to spend more time with her and the trailer.

So you have to ask yourself.....is there something wrong with this picture? Urine, kept in a French wine cellar perhaps? Urine, labeled in some unknown fashion...which might not even be yours. Kinda fishy....kinda funny....kinda Frenchy.

Sunday September 11, 2005 - 07:42am