Friday, 28 March 2008

Bama Logic

Don Siegelman is the luckiest man on the face of the earth....and maybe in Alabama as well.

You see....Don was a former Democratic governor of the state....who happened to have a chance to appoint the state regulatory board member....who happened to be a big-wig for the HealthSouth organization. Course, somewhere in this mess of appointing folks....the governor did accidentally take some type of cash pay-off....NOT a bribe....but just some cash to help the governor out....NOT a bribe.

An investigation erupted and wouldn't you know it....those damn idiots felt that this cash pay-off....was a bribe....which it wasn't (NOT a bribe). Then the court decided that Governor Don....who was a honest church-going dude.....needed to go off to state prison. Satan took Don aloft and flew him off to state prison....for seven years. With him....was ex-HealthSouth CEO Richard Scrushy....who got a similar sentence. The sad thing here....the $500k that Richard gave to Don....was NEVER a bribe....and was totally mishandled by the legal folks. Governor Don could have appointed anyone....from Southern Baptists to former NFL quarterbacks. Governor Don could have appointed some poor dude from Red Bay or Selma or even Owens Crossroads....but God bless Governor Don....he picked Richard....who had vast experience with handling medical stuff as the CEO of HealthSouth and knew precisely how to regulate and pay off the right folks.

So as ex-Governor Don sat in prison....the hands of God were at work. Thankfully....the folks at CBS news and 60 Minutes came up and declared that Karl Rove had targeted Governor Don and this was strictly a political attack on poor Governor Don. With the exception of Channel 19 out of Huntsville....across all of this magnificent state....folks saw the "truth" by 60 Minutes and realized that Karl Rove is in league with Satan. Governor Don was unfairly picked on and this was a mess that had to be cleaned up.

So this week....thank God.....Governor Don was released from jail six year early....to work on his case....which has several issues apparently. Governor Don was apparently convicted on bribery, mail fraud and conspiracy to commit mail fraud. The US congress is eager to call a session and order Karl "in the league with Satan" Rove to appear before....well.....they are hinting.

Don is sitting out tonight probably....sipping some booze and quietly wondering what the heck can be done to really toss out these damn charges. Personally....ifing I were Don....I'd call up Karl Rove and ask if he can put in a good word with President Bush and just ask for a pardon....but knowing Don....he just want be happy in dealing with the devil on this issue.

Retrying the case? Well.....they'd like to....except most folks think that Don would be convicted a second, a third, a fourth, and maybe even a fifth time.

The amusing part about this entire mess this week.....Richard Scrushy is sitting there in jail....with six more years to go....and no one got him out. I'm pretty sure Richard would be more than happy to offer $500k to someone....NOT a bribe....but just to anyone who'd treat him the same as Don. But the thing with Don....is that his arch enemy is the Republicans....and that helps him in this case.

So what should we pray for in this case? Should we ask God to help Don or help Richard or maybe both? Should we tempt fate and just redo the case? Well....I'm not partial but I'm thinking if President Bush would just read my blog....he might see the wisdom in just giving poor ole Don a pardon.

The other side of this coin....is that congress is thinking about bringing Karl Rove in for questioning. And you know....that a fellow from Bama....loose there in the capital building.....might say some really hurtful things....like asking if they'd prefer criminals to just walk free if they are Democrats or remain in jail if they are Republicans. Then Karl might ask if it would have been better if he...Karl Rove....had offered up the $500k to Don. That might frighten some folks a bit....and I'm guessing they sure don't want Karl up and talking.

So things are a bit disturbing over in Bama this week. We need all you Baptists who are Democrats.....praying hard for Don....and wishing Don the best of luck. And if you are Republican....you might pray for Karl....and laws to just stand as they are. Only in Alabama...is such possible.


Fighting Nipple Jihad (Lubbock Style)

So out in Lubbock this week....some gal was flying from the major international airport there....in lovely Lubbock.....to Dallas. Personally....I'd question why she didn't ride Trailways or just have mama drive her over....but she had to fly. So the TSA boys.....here after referred to as the Nipple Police....were duly at the standing position and ready to fight nipple jihad if necessary.

The gal.....Mandi Hamlin...apparently (at least in several sources)....got past the radar door frame with no issue. I'm guessing she was wearing a loose fitting outfit and one of the fine Nipple Police noted this. So they wanted to do a wand check....and caught some metal activity on Mandi's chest. Mandi didn't mind....she was a nipple-pierced gal....no big deal. Well....the Nipple Police decided that just showing the female member of the Nipple Police was not enough. Nope....they insisted that it be removed. Mandi tried and tried to just take them nipple items off....but they wouldn't come off....and then one member of the Nipple Police pulled out his multi-tool.

You can just imagine this scene.....folks backed up....Mandi standing behind a screen.....a bunch of TSA Nipple Police laughing and giggling like little kids. And Mandi ended up cutting it off.

The TSA crowd claimed later that there are ways to handle this....and would have been more appropriate but they are standing by their Nipple Police in Lubbock. They won't apologize. Mandi has a lawyer now....and went public today....and I'm guessing the head dimwit of TSA....the head NIPPLE himself.....is going to have a bit to take from public reaction.

How serious is the threat of nipple jihad? You Americans simply don't grasp what this all means. Once you allow one woman to wander through with a nipple piercing...then dozens will do it, and then hundreds....and then thousands. We in America don't need the threat of nipples upon our front doorstep. This nipple jihad is wrong.

So for the brave boys who mount the Nipple Patrol at the Lubbock Airport.....we in the sissy-boy world salute you. You did your very best and hopefully can protect us from various nipple piercings...include naval, and even more private places where both men and women keep things real private. America can rest quietly and securely tonight...knowing the Nipple Police is on the guard....protecting us.

Somewhere in the midst of this mess.....I'm kinda wonder where a guy can apply to be a member of the Nipple Police....and if they'd just accept a redneck character from Alabama. I'm also wondering if any member of the Lubbock Nipple Patrol...has a nipple piercing himself and if so....how did he get past the magic wand without having his removed? Oh....maybe this is too personal....but then....Mandi would be curious to know too.

The Nuke Inventory?

Yesterday....Secretary Gates ordered the Pentagon to conduct a one-hundred percent inventory of all nuclear related material....from testing tools to batteries, from moving containers to triggers. He gave them 60 days to report back with any discrepancy.

After this weeks admittance of the Air Force accidentally shipping a couple of triggers to Taiwan....which those kindly folks never asked for.....things got a bit heated. Even the Chinese were damn upset about those Taiwanese folks holding nuclear triggers....but without the nukes. Although to be honest....the US Air Force might have accidentally given them a dozen nuclear bombs and no one noticed that.

So by Monday....Airman Snuffy at Wicky Air Base....will standing there when the Captain runs up with the big 188-page inventory of the nuke storage facility. The Captain will be chomping on his cigar.....crying and weeping over this mess. Airman Snuffy will take a deep breathe...and tell the Captain not to worry...and begin the inventory. To be honest....Snuffy probably knows where every nuke item is located and stored....and even knows where the special picture of Rumsfeld is hid in the big bunker. Snuffy will report back in a week....and the Captain will feel all good, and then report back to the Langley office who controls this stuff.

The sad thing here....in the old days of Strategic Air Command....when episodes occurred.....of such a magnitude.....you fired lots of people and even kicked some folks out of the Air Force. That really isn't true today. So the true fear that folks used to have....is gone. They believe that they can screw up a little....and not get drastic punishment. Its a sad state of affairs....but its the world we live in....and the world that we count on Airman Snuffy to do his best because none of the other idiots can do theirs.

The "Madam"

So in Texas this week...the cops were busy...arresting a 13 year-old "madam". This is the girl who convinced other girls...in the same age bracket to go down to the Club Metropolis....and hire up as dancers....strippers in fact. The Dallas cops aren't talking much about the deal...because there is an investigation underway.....and they can't really hold this girl in a real jail. My guess is that they would have to haul her to the middle of New Mexico....to some town in the middle of nowhere....to ensure she doesn't get into more trouble. The parents? Well....it would be curious what their reasoning would be or how they supervised her. I'm guessing that they were rarely around the house and didn't question anything about money she flashed.

The network news guys were a bit shocked but the cops really didn't seem that surprised....like they get this on a monthly basis. If true....something is wrong here....damn wrong.