Friday, 2 May 2008

The Final Hours


There in the final hours....as the waters came higher and higher, the polar bears edged closer to the US consulate in Alaska, hoping for a chopper ride out before the mighty waters of the Beaufort Sea came up to their knees and drowned them.

There in the early days.....as everyone insisted that bears had lived for centuries and centuries....the bears were seen as simply another cute and cuddly animal. No one asked questions.

But then one day, there came Al Gore and he insisted over and over, that the polar bears were doomed. Al had spoken about the polar bears being unable to swim and that they were destined to drown as global warming came to the Artic. A spokesperson for the polar bears tried to illuminate the fight and the destiny of the bears, but unfortunately was eaten by the Polar Bears before he could get the message straight.

Later as friendly environmentalists took over the fight and wrote up a $7 billion dollar rescue scheme....an engagement with the polar bears was attempted with another spokesperson, but he too....was eaten by the bears.

Then came the word that the global warming emergency was in full swing and something drastic had to be done. So half of the troops in Iraq were withdrawn and sent as a rescue force to Alaska, to save the Polar Bears. Choppers came and went throughout the final days there on the northern region of Alaska.....attempting to take out all of the poor Polar Bears. Several chopper pilots were eaten in this attempt but most slugged on, with the guts and glory that they had learned in Iraq.....removing Polar Bear after Polar Bear.

Later, the environmentalists were seen at a major Polar Bear retreat in Midland, Texas where everyone was weeping with happiness at the sight of the bears in a manufactured zoo-like atmosphere which had been built with billions and billion of dollars. The facility, air-conditioned and kept at 28 degrees constantly......required four new nuclear plants to generate the power necessary. Medals were given to our warriors for carefully removing the poor bears from Alaska.

After everything was said and done.....someone asked if Polar Bears could swim.....but at that point, it was a moot point. Today, this operation....referred to in history books as "Operation Cute Bear" goes down as one massive operation.....which saved the Polars Bears.....well...maybe. There is still ice up in the Arctic, but we have hopes of any day now.....of it melting.