Saturday, 17 May 2008

Damn Good Policy (After the Fact)

For those of you who follow the Detroit, Michigan episode with Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick...this week was a 4-star week.

To bring you up to date.....Kwame had some gal killed at his mayor's mansion and by the time all the smoke cleared....no one knows nothing. To be truthful....today....we still know nothing about the dead woman. Then in the questioning of two cops who are part of his security detail....the story comes out that Kwame is doing his chief exec and discussing hot lusty sex via their Blackberrys. Kwame denied this and at the end of the court case against the city by the two cops who were fired because of their anti-mayor comments....the city had to pay the two cops off with $9 million. For months and months....no one was sure of nothing....until the media got ahold of the text comments and there they were in digital form.....Kwame wanting her hot lushy body and Christine Beatty wanted Kwame's curvey body (to be honest, he is pushing 350 pounds but don't hold that against the guy).

This week....Kwame, still as mayor of Detroit, started a city-policy that any texting between city officials on city-leased hardware....is private and not for public consumption. This basically means that you text your hot babe clerk in the city hall, and let her know your private desires....and its ok.....as long as its city-leased hardware and you are both city employees. I think this is a pretty neat city policy. Kwame is a 4-star political entitity and I think the dude ought to run for senator. We need more guys like him.

Sect News for the Week

So lets add up west Texas news on the Sect boys for this week.

First....the Texas authorities had to come out and admit that approximately twenty of the girls they took off the ranch....aren't "girls" but "women". They are legally over 18 and thus not controllable by the state (Texas law says any gal over 18 is uncontrollable and men should just be careful when hanging out around them). They didn't really want to admit this situation....and the lack of birth certificates probably complicated matters (lacking driving and hunting and fishing licenses also hurt a bit). So now they had to reaverage the numbers of pregnant "girls" and its way less than originally, but thank God....its still above the Texas average and thats good for all of us (assuming you are pulling for the Texas government in some fashion).

Second....the local folks (non-Sect folks), had to come out and admit the tax situation of the Sect. Here is another setback for the Texas government. The Sect last year, paid $420,000 in property taxes. The interesting thing is that they bought worthless property back in 2003, and have made the property into a ranch worth $20 million in nature. They now pay the second most in the entire county, on property taxes....which the chief folks in front of them on property taxes....owe primarily because of oil. The curious thing....the Sect never applied for church credit and have never denied paying any taxes to the state....unlike the damn Baptists or the damn Jehovahs or the damn Scientology crowd. The Sect simply said "no problem" and paid their fair share. Alot of the locals are looking at this and beginning to rub the few remaining hairs on their head and wonder if they really got the bad guys. Adding to this....the Sect found most of the land was not friendly for gardening....so they trucked in soil....ton up ton....and grew things where nothing had grown before).

Finally....at the Travis county Democratic party fundraiser....where you usually attend and donate $40 to hear some idiot Democrat chatter about the party and how bad the Republicans are....we had two of the Sect women show up and discuss their situation with political Democratic party members. Course, I should say that none of the fathers showed up....strictly two women. But they chatted real friendly....and tried to talk the Democrats in helping them. I'm pretty sure if they'd just toss some money into political welfare....the Sect would get more attention and maybe be declared a national treasure of some sort.

Aliens: Approved by the Pope

This week....a rather odd story came out which might shock true catholics. Apparently....the chief astronomer for the Vatican.....the Rev Jose Funes....a Jesuit (which is almost a Catholic but not quiet).....spoke for the Pope and said that belief in God and aliens was ok.

Yep....you can now be Catholic and believe in aliens. I realize most of you Catholics had other worries on your mind....but the Pope is thinking in your best interest.

Indeed, Jose even said that aliens could be perceived as "our brothers". You could say "hey" and "howdy", and it'd be ok with God. I'm pretty sure the Baptist guys are meeting in some church basement right now....contemplating how to twist this around and be as anti-Catholic as possible. The natural Baptist comment would be "would Jesus approve of aliens?".

Me? I'm thinking Jesus would probably not worry much about aliens....and just chill out mostly....sipping spring water and eating some saltine crackers off the front porch table. We've probably got better things to worry about....but we also probably need to find something for those Jesuit folks to worry about at the same time. They seem to have too much time on their hands.

Pray for Joe

This week....over in Plano, Texas....where men are men, women are women, Baptists....well....they are pure and holy in nature, and ministers are questionable....they had a episode of sorts.

It appears that a mega church up in the Plano area had this associate pastor with the church....by the name of Joe Barron. Joe apparently ministered to young adults in the region, as part of the mega-church activities. The church...makes up around 27,000 members.

Joe got into some kinda computer chat room area, and dang...don't you know....like any Baptist minister....he finds some 13-year old girl who needs ministering....in the personal way. So Joe jumps up into his car and drives 200 miles to Bryan...only to discover that the 13-year old girl doesn't exist and there was a cop involved now, which Joe apparently didn't have any interest in ministering to the cop. But the cop found interest in Joe....enough to arrest him. The cops did search Joe's car, and found some condoms and a cam. Joe hasn't said much about the episode (or if he had any previous episodes), and the church says they are praying for the guy.

I'm guessing a year in a state prison will be the situation with Joe. And its hard to guess what he does after getting out. Minister work appears to be out....although its not like teaching where you lose some credentials. He might be able to find a sect that would accept him....and if he were nice about it....they might allow a marriage or two to a thirteen year old girl....at least spiritually. Joe simply picked the wrong religion. If you need a younger gal....the sect folks out in West Texas are the ones to join up with....not them Baptists.

Stones and Worry

This week....we learned that global warming may lead to an increase in kidney stones disease. Seriously.

Apparently....dehydration has been linked to stone disease, mainly in warmer climates, and global warming can only make things worse....if you sit and think about it.....at least the researchers say so.

So logically.....as more stones develop, the cost of treating stones will soar.

To add further to this idea....they developed a "stone belt" around the southern part of the US where some poor pitiful fools will suffer more than those Yankees up north where they have cooler weather. Apparently, the rising global temperatures will expand this region so the folks living in high-risk stone zones are predicted to grow from 40 percent in 2000 to 50 percent by 2050. Yep, huge increase in stones. The fellows involved even wrote up the cost....soaring to 1 billion dollars annually by 2050.....with a 20 percent increase over present-day stones.

The entire study was presented at the 103rd Annual Scientific Meeting of the American Urological Association (ANI), held this year in the heart of the stone-belt....Orlando, Florida. Actually....most of the Urological fellas sat around the hotel bar in the evenings....sipping whiskey sours and telling stone jokes about Jewish guys. Luckily this year....none were arrested for indecent behavior.

I sat and pondered this entire story....thinking....back in the period before global warming (1990)...I never had hemorrhoids...and now?

I’m thinking my occasional bout of hemorrhoids now has to do with global warming. The thing I’m really worried about....if we all start to get hemorrhoids....then we all start buying massive amounts of Preparation H...and then they start having shortages. You know its the Arabs who own Preparation H and they will just try to control it and force the price up to $30 a tube. And with global warming at our front door....I’m fearful of having to spend $60 a month for my dose of Preparation H...to help me make it through Global Warming. Maybe...just maybe....some farmers out in Iowa can make a alternate to Preparation H, from corn oil....and help us make it through this difficult period?

I'm also worried that my occasional bout with dandruff is also related to global warming....and that that $4.60 bottle of Head and Shoulders may become a twice-a-day thing and thus drive up the market for special dandruff shampoo. If the Arabs owned that too....then the price could soar to $6.20 or maybe even $6.99. Course, if our Iowa corn farmers are as smart as they claim....they can make Head and Shoulders out of corn oil.

Lastly, I was also worried that my occasional bout with arthritis may also be related to global warming....and for a long long time....I was thinking I would need some special corn oil ointment or rub....to help me make it through the global warming period....which the Wal-Mart folks might sell to me for $9.99. Then it suddenly hit me....warm air is good for arthritis and maybe I won't suffer much during the global warming period. But then it hit me that maybe global warming is a farce, and its really global cooling thats about to occur, and damn, I'd need tons of salve, rub, and ointment to make it then.

I seem to be worrying twelve hours a day now. I can remember back to the old days when you just worried about bad beer, hot lusty women, and finding myself in a toilet stall with no paper available. It seems like things are just not simple anymore.

Just Another Day in Gitmo Paradise

For those who haven't been watching the mighty parade in Gitmo recently....trouble is brewing in paradise.

At some point last year....the administration suddenly realized that no one had ever been prosecuted out of Gitmo. Some folks had been released. But the hardcore crowd were still sitting there. And the administration quietly pushed along this idea to the Pentagon that it'd be surely nice if they could accomplish some legal actions before Bush left office.

So they have been pushing up some prosecution episodes, and brought in some fire-breathing Air Force officer who was supposed to charge up everything and get a prosecution done.

This week....the Navy officer who is the military judge over the cases....tossed yet another log onto the chilling fire of Gitmo. He is putting all the cases into a suspended file and asking the Supreme Court to advise if the defendants have the right to challenge their detention in US courts (not Gitmo courts). Adding to the mess is that the judge has ruled that AF Gen Hartmann who was the authority's top legal adviser, has unfairly tried to sway the entire episode. Then adding further to the mess is the fact that the first big case out of the docket....involves a guy that we know was heavily tortured by the US.

At the end of the year....I'm guessing zero cases will be decided and most of the military officers involved now have some heartburn over deciding a legal case where the prosecution had to torture the guy to get either real or unreal evidence. No one can be sure of nothing with regard to truth.

I'm thinking the day will come by early 2009...that we pack Judge Judy up and send her down to Gitmo....to clear up this mess right away.

Have a Fine Hitler Day

This week while on vacation or tour...depending on how you view things....Bush went out and make some comments about Barrack Obama. You must remember....I'm not a huge fan of Obama, to start with.

Bush wanted everyone to know that Obama was into the appeasement of "Hitler" when Obama discusses how he will work the fixes that the administration has left behind after they leave. As Bush chatted away....showing his remarkable knowledge and skills as a World War II buff....we were left to think that Obama is no more than Chamberlain in dealing with massive worldly problems.

Yes....Chamberlain, the loser....the dude who basically signed anything Hitler gave him....to appease the Nazis....and get out of the situation. A loser....a four-star loser. So GW gave the mighty impression of Obama for us to consider as we vote.

Whats amusing about this entire story is that the moment you pull out the "Hitler card"...you label the other guy as a loser and you automatically win the argument. So Bush accomplished exactly what he set out to do.

But for a brief moment...what the heck does Iraq and the current situation have to do with 1930s Nazi Germany? I am at a loss as to how Bush pulls this rabbit out of his hat and proudly proclaims it. I'm not a Obama-freak...but then I've come to recognize that this Administration in no manner measures up to the Ronald Reagan Administration.

If someone starts pulling out the Nazi label...then we get stuck with explaining Gitmo for the 99th time, the plan to "win the war finally" version 6.1 and the 1000 reasons why we can't secure our borders against Mexico with a real fence (just half a fence, thank you).

Bush basically bought a weekend of chatter on the Sunday talk shows and took Obama down a notch for a brief period of time. If Obama chooses to label Gitmo a concentration camp-atmosphere next week...then we get another weekend of Hitler-chat, and maybe even a TBS-featured weekend of World War II movies featuring Hitler. Plus we're have to sit at the legion hall another weekend and hear the WW II guys tell their war stories for the 1000th time....on how they personally defeated the Nazi empire.

I think I've "Hitlered" this discussion enough but I'm sure some folks may want to Hitler-flame me a bit or Hitler-chastise me a bit. Feel Hitler-free to do so...if you want.

Just a Fake, But a Real Fake

So, this is what we know. In the town of Gerald, in the midst of Franklin County, Missouri....a guy shows up. He says with complete authority....that he is a federal drug agent, and he is on loan to the town. The guy spends the next couple of months....actually helping them conduct drug busts.

The best we can say about this fake DEA agent...is that he is truly a 36-year old man from Washington, MO. They are fairly sure he is married. We absolutely know that he never ever has been a DEA agent. And that he has been arrested now for impersonating a federal law agent. So far, the prosecutors are a bit laid back on charging the guy.....because he didn't do anything much wrong and actually did bust a couple of meth dudes.
The fake agent seemed to know the ins and outs of law enforcement, according to investigators and those who worked with him.

The guy even had a cream-colored Ford Crown Victoria with a siren bar and police radio. You can't fault a dude who drives a Crown Victoria....they are in the style you need for law enforcement. The guy walked around with a black T-shirt with "Police" written across across the chest and even wore dark tactical pants with pockets down the sides. He carried a gun in a side holster. He even had a federal-looking ID card and a federal-looking badge. Locals even admit that he was sturdily built and clean-cut (unlike your typical local cop who was 40 pounds overweight and always with sideburns).

"He was everything that you'd think a federal office would be," Mayor Otis Schulte said.

The locals all fell for the act when the guy arrived.....believing the talk that DEA was footing his bill, and that he would leave his Crown Victoria there when the operation was finished.

Somewhere in the midst of this.....he even gave a telephone number for them to call and verify everything. One of the folks even called once and got a woman who answered, and right away....she piped up "multi-jurisdictional task force."

So the game kinda fell apart when some folks started pointing out to the local newspaper that these searches that he was making.....didn't involve any search warrants. Naturally, the reporter for the paper started to ask additional questions.

The amusing part about this story....is that he has told various stories about himself over the past few months while claiming to be the DEA agent. He said at one point that he was a Iraq War veteran, then he mentioned that he was a retired Air Force chaplain and a father of two. He claimed at one point to have worked briefly at the Treasury Department in St. Louis. He has claimed that he worked for police departments around the state (from Kinloch, to East St. Louis and even Sauget). Folks are checking on all of these stories, but believe none are true.

So the county stepped in last Friday, grabbing the fake DEA guy. Later this week....the mayor got around to firing the town police chief and two of his officers because of the compromise in law enforcement.

The county guys now believe that all of the arrests made in the past couple of months that involved this guy....are going to be questioned and likely thrown out.

The sad thing here....is that if this guy had merely shown up at the police station and wanted to do some volunteer time to help them out....they would have accepted him in the front door and likely used his services in various ways. In a year or two....he might have been qualified enough to go on stake-outs and authorized to conduct arrests.

I'm guessing the guy will likely get some local county jail time, but less than a month. After that....I'm guessing he will retire from "police" interests.....but you never can tell.

Smart and Smarter and Smartest

There is a fascinating project going on in Florida....where some kind-hearted folks settled on this idea of saving the Everglades....or maybe just restoring the Everglades.....or maybe doing nothing for the Everglades....depending on your point of view.

Somewhere in the midst of this....is the South Florida Water Management District. They went out and got the $250 million to build this manificent 25-square-mile reservoir....largest damn reservoir in the world. Some folks think the final cost will be around $800 million by the end (2010, maybe).

There is another organization out there....by the name of the Natural Resources Defense Council. Naturally, they are defensive in nature....otherwise, they couldn't exist.

These folks from the NRDC say that the state just isn't committed to restoring the Everglades and this is all a bogus project. Goodness....truly bogus? When the state started....they said 80 percent of this reservoir would be for the Everglades and twenty percent for agriculture or development. The thing is....no one actually wrote a legal document saying anything.

I almost wept when I read that. To be so dang involved in a $800 million dollar project and not have a single legal document to guarantee how the water is used at the end....just makes my eyes puff right up. Brilliant....just absolutely brilliant. Not even Karl Rove could have dreamed of such a episode. Getting the $800 million and proudly talking about saving the Everglades must have gotten everyone's attention and made this a legit operation. But now? Those NRDC guys must have suddenly awaken and realized that things just aren't what folks say they are.

What happens next? If I were on the water commission....I'd write a powerful 400 page document and guarantee the Everglades water eternal....everlasting....and permanent. And around 2015, when you need this water...you pull out the document and change it. I'm guessing the NRDC guys are smarter than that though, and maybe there has to be a legislative effort here. I'm guessing also....that the state will run up a quick "fix" here and vote it quickly in. And in 2015, when you need that water....you just have a quick "fix" wrote up, vote it in, and then you steal the water back.

Those NRDC dudes may be smart.....but they aren't "Karl Rove-smart".