Sunday, 21 December 2008

X Plus Y Equals Z, But It Ain't the Kind of Z You Think

Somewhere in the midst of yesterday....there was announcement. Vice President-elect Joe Biden will apparently oversee a task force that will make recommendations on how to build the ranks of the middle class. For those of you from Rogersville on down to Orange beach.....in Bama.....this is the part of society that most of you folks claim to be.

Joe says that this task force will be high and mighty....with a bunch of folk working on this project. They didn't say where they might be meeting...but it has to be a swanky hotel out in Palm Springs or Butte. Joe says this is an attempt to make sure the middle class is "no longer being left behind." Joe says everything is on the table for discussion....for whatever that means.

I realize right now...you are sipping coffee, in your pajamas or that Wal-Mart evening gown that Bubba bought you last year....and thinking "hmmm"....this is awful kind of them Obama/Biden folks to build up on the middle class. A real Bama-ite would think...."damn, we need more folks like us". Then, after you added a shot or two of Jack Daniels to the coffee....then you came to your senses.

The thing you need to ask yourself....if there are 100 beans in a bag...and you shuffle them around from one bag to another...with three different bags in existence at the end....you still have one hundred damn beans left at the end. So, here's the deal, if you build on the middle class....unless you are handing out buckets of money to the poverty class (compliments of the rich and elite), or you tax the hell out of rich folks to bring them down to the middle class....thats the only way to build on the middle class. Get it?

I realize this might have spoiled your morning coffee. Yep, what Mighty Joe is saying...is that if there isn't enough of you middle-class folks now....we'll add more but we'll have to push the rich down and bring the poverty folks up....to make this deal work. Perhaps what you should have asked Joe...is it possible to make more of us super-wealthy and put you in the upper class...by taxing everyone more and just picking out 500 folks a month for a million dollar bailout each.

You have to wonder how they keep Vice-Presidents busy....and maybe this is just something to keep Joe out of DC and make him look busy when all he's doing is sipping government tap water and eating government procured jelly donuts. Sure wish I had a job like that .

Brickhenge (A Parody)

There, long ago, between the ages of Elvis and Pink, in the land of Bama.....were built mysteriously a small megalith. Few knew the reason or rhyme to this construction, only that it drew great crowds in the Bama land to come and reason why it was built.

Some felt it was a sign from the heavens.....that some UFO had dropped off. Some felt it was a bunch of drugged out freaky guys from the local Masons. Some felt it was four Auburn football players on a drinking binge. But truth be known.....it was simply left over bricks from a trailer placement.

Never mind the legends or temptation to make things mystic....just go with the flow.

What is important here....is that Larry used this formation to remind him exactly where the septic tank was placed.

Warships to the Rescue

CNN reports today....that a group of Iranian warships apparently steamed into the Gulf of Aden with the mission of joining up on the "pirate" situation off the coast of Somali. At present count, there are at least thirty countries with some kind of navy presence in the Gulf area. Some of these groups are way out of their "league" and normal coast patrol status. I'm waiting on the first warship to accidentally fire on another warship.....and trigger up some mini war between thirty nations over Somali pirates.

Lego Blago?


After looking at the picture for a while.....I kinda agree it is a Lego-version of Blago. I don't know how you'd work up the Lego scenario for this.....one Lego guy calling Blago Lego to deal a senator seat? It just doesn't work good in the "pretend-world". Now, if Blago had been getting a house or maybe a helicopter out of this deal....that would be a neat Lego scenario.

The Ten Things I Really Hate

I sat and paused yesterday....mostly while driving....and came to ten things that I really do dislike or hate. There might be a hundred items on that list....but these are the ten things that stand out.

1. Christmas shopping. I really can't stand the crowd, the parking situation or the experience itself. Given a choice, I'd rather sit at the computer and just order online to avoid this hassle. I'm sure my blood pressure goes way up and I'm sure that I'm taking a month off my life each time I go Christmas shopping. Its just not a pleasurable experience. Years ago....I spent an hour or two in the Ramstein BX shopping....and then came time to go out via the cash register....and there....with only six clerks at the station.....I stood in line for almost an entire hour.

2. That immediate feeling I get when a Jehovah's guy shows up at the door. The minute I open the door....and a couple are standing there...in the middle of the afternoon....wearing awful nice clothing (the guy has a tie on).....and its an immediate bad feeling. I know they are Jehovahs. I'm standing there and trying to think of a nice way to just tell them "move on"....and they continue to stand there....hoping to convince me its not a wise idea. Even in Germany, I've had two visits by these people. On one hand, I'd really like to be nice, but frankly....I really want them gone.

3. Fake numbers. When someone is presenting something to me....that has numbers or statistics....and somewhere in the presentation I realize the data is not accurate....I go ballistic. Wasting my time on just chit-chat is one thing.....but the minute you involved numbers and claim this as a basis for your argument....and then its fake....well, it just won't be pleasant with me.

4. Asian food. Nothing personal and I realize alot of you may partake of some Asian food on occasion.....but I just am not a Asian food kind of guy. When my peer group talks about lunch out for the day, and they come to get me to tag along....I ask "where"....and then they realize I have a problem. Almost thirty percent of the time....they want to go Thai or Chinese....and I just smile and say no. I realize I'm getting a reputation, but I'm picky about my food.

5. Women who dress slutty just to be noticed. I realize I'm a guy and its natural to look upon gals who are dressed slutty....but after a while, you realize its just eye-candy and some gal who is more of a exhibitionist than a normal person.....then I'm kinda left in a state of dislike.

6. Magic acts. Its pretty simple, I just won't accept magic at face value. I want to know how the 2,000 elephant moved 100 feet. I want to know how the woman was sawed in half. I'm a lousy viewer to take along to a magic act. I have no appreciation of magic and half the time...I dislike the show because its not obvious how they moved the elephant.

7. Political figures of any type or variety. Frankly, I put politicians into the same category as used-car salesmen.....I don't trust them. To watch Wolfe Blitzer's show and catch all of the "catch-phrases" or "winks".....it bothers me. Its open lies with a smiley face. I can't stand this behavior....and then the media guy pushes it to the ninth level by asking a really slanted question that he had to be given.

8. BAD movies. In my youth, I used to go out twice a week to a movie. Some were winners....but about twice a year....I went to a movie which was absolutely terrible. In my entire life, I've walked out a theater three times. But in recent years....I dropped theater attendance and simply rented videos....and discovered the same problem....bad videos. You would think that someone would discuss the script or the stars before they invested money or time into a mess like this, but apparently not.

9. The Today Show. Nothing personal, but I think the whole show is bogus. The hosts? I probably could get three guys from Tampa Bay to do just as good of an act. The news value? Zero. The concept of the show? Well....I guess to make 20-40 year old women happy....and not much else.

10. Economic experts talking. Frankly, I consider the study of economics to be ranking up there with the study of rabbit crap. They will spend thirty minutes explaining something....when they could have done it in three minutes. They will put a fancy name on something when its really something that has been around for 2,000 years. They wear fine suits which cost a fair amount of money, then you wonder if its the suit talking or the guy. Then you notice that its mostly guys who claim to be economists.....rarely if ever do you notice a woman in the field....which leads me to place them in the category of used car salesmen (they are mostly men too).

Just my two cents for today, from a guy who has drifted a far piece from the Bama land. Note, I didn't put down much of anything that I'd dislike from Bama. Well....except the sluttily dressed women maybe....well.....maybe. That topic would be best left for another blog....I've hit my fifty lines.

A Fifty Line Guy?

Years ago, in a general conversation, I had a person accuse me of being a fifty-line guy. I sat there puzzled and asked why I couldn't be a 51-line guy or a 71-line guy....figuring that would get the appropriate response. In essence, they said I could take any subject on the face of the earth, as complicated as it might be....and convert it to fifty lines of explanation....offering the truth and balance that the topic deserved.

I laughed over this comment....thinking that fifty lines basically covers one page. Could I explain the civil war in fifty lines? Well.....yeah. Could I explain the essence of global warming accusations in fifty lines? Well.....yeah. Could I take a complicated political situation and lay it out in fifty simple lines? Yes....I could.

So I've come to realize that most everything in life around me....as complicated as the media or scientists or political witchdoctors make it.....can be whittled down to fifty lines. And yes, you can break it into understandable paragraphs where a regular guy from Red Bay or Coos Bay could understand the whole picture.

I think I've always been this way....because I would read through forty page documents with lots of wonderful facts but it never got down to the essence of the topic discussed. I was kinda dismayed and always felt that most people really don't read much because it takes so much time and effort. Fifty lines? Its not very much....and a guy can accomplish this in less than four minutes. Its nice to be an expert and write an entire book on a topic, but if you don't get read or understood by the bulk of the population....the effort didn't return value or attention to your ability.

So when you read the bulk of my blogs....I repeated this same concept....taking complex topics and simply carving them up into readable chunks of material. You realize of course.....if life was really this simple....you'd be in serious trouble.