Sunday, 13 September 2009

Bama and the Toys


A great moment of law, and order...came to Bama this week.

The Bama Supreme Court...with very little of importance to work on...took up the strange case of vibrators and sex toys...and rendered a decision.

You see....Bama got it's act together back about ten years ago and deemed it necessary to control the sales, operation, and "movement" (see how careful I was to suggest something of a lusty nature) of sexual toys. It was a necessity because Bama was becoming a hotspot for immoral women with no virtues. I would ask my brother to render a comment...but between his engineering background and working out of "sin city" (Huntsville)...this might turn into a 12-page commentary.

So the decision? Well....if you were a sex shop selling vibrators and other sex toys...then things were kept at the norm...meaning it's still against the law to sell sexual toys unless it was for "limited purposes".

Sadly, I'm not a lawyer...and I've often sat and wondered about this "limited purposes" statute. In the Air Force, if we insert this into a document....it kinda means that the Colonel can waiver anything he wants but he has to sign a document saying why.

In Bama...it kinda runs the same way.

As long as you are an adult....then the sex shop simply requires you to sign a copy of the receipt saying you just need this thing or whatever....one of the approved reasons. Naturally, they don't mention the approved reasons. They don't ask if you are married or a Baptist or on welfare or a graduate of University of Auburn or if you've held political office before. Just "approved reasons" will do.

I did some looking...and apparently approved reasons typically involve: bona fide medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial, or law enforcement purposes.

I sat there and pondered this. I could easily see scientific research being required and several instruments might have to be purchased to prove some theory. I could understand some legislative requirement where you had to make some state law maker "happy". I could even understand law enforcement purposes falling into this with several small town Chiefs of Police tied down and made happy by local meth hottie. I'll try to control my imagination over this discussion.

Naturally....our Attorney General....Troy King was key in getting this fixed up and passed through the Bama Supreme Court. Troy is courting with running for governor and needs things with the Baptists to stay the same. Most folks have already forgotten that male assistant episode and Troy seems like likable kind of guy.

The Alabama Supreme Court issued a 7-2 decision siding with King and Hoover.

The neat thing about this legal writing stuff from the Court....is a comment from one justice: "public morality can still serve as a legitimate rational basis for regulating commercial activity, which is not a private activity."

It basically means that we Bama folks are keen on protecting you....through thick and thin....from booze, prostitutes, sex toys, Yankees, NCAA rivals, and corruptible things.

So, things kinda continue. You can still buy what you need and just sign the receipt. You can rest assured at night that Bama folks are trying hard to protect your morals. You can still feel secure in knowing that the majority of Bama are decent and without any corruptible values. And if you don't feel safe or secure....just toss back the six shots of Jacky D's from the illegal bottle you brought over from the state line. Things will be better in the morning.

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