Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Coffee Freaks

Reports today indicate.....consuming seven cups of coffee a day....could make you more likely to see, hear and smell things that aren’t there. The numbers here...from British researchers show those who drink at least 330 milligrams of the caffeine stimulant a day were three times as likely to have hallucinations as those who consumed less than 10 milligrams a day.

I sat and pondered this. I was safe...never consuming more than two cups a day.

The bad thing...is that I know folks who consume seven cups a day. It gave me a bad feeling...kinda like sitting in a place with a bunch of potential zombies.

So I started to wonder about folks who claim to be kidnapped by aliens and UFOs...or they've personally seen Bigfoot or Nessie. Not that it might matter...but if we asked them about coffee consumption, and they agreed they were doing seven cups a day....would this make think less of their claim?

Years ago, when I was in Panama...I came across this Army sergeant who asked a friend to pick up some "real" Colombian coffee....the heavy duty stuff, while they were in Colombia. So the guy comes back...with four containers of this heavy-duty coffee. She began to use the stuff daily. She went from five cups a day to eight cups....all within two weeks. By the third week....she was doing ten cups a day. She was starting to freak out....saying things and thinking things that were way out of the norm. Her husband got concerned...as did her boss. They finally drove her over to the military hospital mental health unit. She was going nuts. The doc checked her out and after a couple of tests....mandated that she spend a week in their hospital unit...detoxing. A week later, without any coffee for a week...she was normal.

I'm wondering if coffee ought to be dealt out like a prescription....but I'm thinking you coffee drinkers will go ballistic and chase me out of the house.

Students and Teachers

Today, out of Washington state.....a legal decision was issued.

Teachers are not barred from having consensual sex with 18-year-old students.

The guy involved....a teacher...Matthew Hirschfelder...was charged with first-degree sexual misconduct. His challenge to the entire case...was that the student involved....was already 18, so she couldn't be a minor.

So a judge panel met and they unanimously agreed that the case should be dismissed.

Naturally, a bunch of folks are upset about this. A student is a student.....in their eyes. This guy is kinda correct in my eyes.....the girl is 18 and of legal age.

Course, I could see a mad rush here by the 40 to 50 year old teachers....to make their pass on some 18-year old girl in the school. So we need to do here...is make a simple law. Teachers ought to be limited to sex with strictly adults over the age of 50....either male or female....to ensure the purity of American teachers. I realize this is going to upset a number of teachers.....but there are an awful lot of teachers in their fifties missing out on this hot lusty sex stuff, and we need to ensure some kind of equality here. Just my take on the situation.

Dear Abby

Almost daily, I read Dear Abby. Most of the time....its something to forget. Today, there were two items...that I desperately wanted to respond to. So I am including both letters, and then I am including "my response" to each lady.

DEAR ABBY: I am a female who is "over 21." I have always been a tomboy. I love to wrestle with my 200-pound boyfriend. Our struggles are vigorous, but never violent, and always end with a kiss or more.

My friends are horrified. They say I could be injured and that any man who would physically "fight" a woman is a potential wife-beater or worse.

So many people have warned me to "watch out" that now I'm beginning to wonder. To me, it's a good way to have fun and burn off calories. What's your take on this, Abby? -- LOVES TO TUSSLE IN GEORGIA

Dear Wrestle Lady:

Basically, you've got some kinda weird and kinky fetish. Don't advertise to your friends.....because then everyone will want to get into this. Meanwhile, you may need to learn several additional moves and learn to take your fella down as cleanly and as smoothly as possible. Don't let the bast*rd win, at any cost. For those folks who might want to tell you to stop....they aren't getting any enjoyment out of life. Americans have all always been wrestlers and they are born to wrestle. So don't any puny wussy tell you otherwise. If you have to.....slam them with the Ric Flair move.

DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like I hate everything, but I don't think I'm depressed.

I hate working, but love my salary. I hate my co-workers, but realize they're probably no worse than any other workplace. Nothing excites me, nothing motivates me. I don't like anything in particular and have never known what I wanted to do with my life. I don't want to be married or have children. I often wonder what the point of living is. I feel like I'm living every day just to get to the end of life.

I'm sure I'm not alone. Please help me and others out there who seem to have lost hope. -- NOT HAPPY IN CANADA

Dear Canada Lady:

Basically, this happens to all Canadians eventually. They don't have the drive or ambition to get anywhere in life. Between the snow, hockey, lousy beer, no social life and two weeks of summer....its a lousy life. What you need to do, is pack up your gear....get in the truck....and drive south. Bama is likely the best place for a person of you to be. It'll twist and turn your life around....giving you energy, religion, and the Braves. You haven't lost hope.....you've just become too Canadian to really live. Dump that big "C" stuff and get a life.

Naturally, its a good thing that I ain't Dear Abby....because this would turn into a daily and full-time job, thus taking away from my blog.