Sunday, 8 February 2009

Papa John Pizza


This weekend, I wept.

Sadly, somewhere in the UK this past week....the greatest CEO who ever lived...the Papa Johns boss....John Schnatter, spoke at an interview with BBC....that eating too much pizza is bad for you.

John tried to qualify his statement...hinting that eating pizza in moderation is actually is nutritious. Then he spoke some pretty dismal words: "You can't eat five or six slices but if you eat one or two slices it's very nutritious."

Needless to say, just eating one or two slices of Papa Johns pizza....just isn't possible. So basically, I'm killing myself every time I eat pizza.

Why would a guy say something like this? Especially on BBC.

I'm stuck in Germany, with a rare....ever so rare....trip back to the states every twelve to eighteen months. For a ten-day period, I might be able to get two rich and delicious pizzas during that period. I've come to miss American style pizza.

I'm hoping, in the interest of Papa Johns....that few if any Brit's listened to the interview. It would be sad if the interview came back to harm the Papa John's invasion of Britain.

Monday's White House News Conference

For you folks who were all set for Monday night's episode of CSI Miami....and you were expecting Horatio in some investigation of a prominent defense attorney who was involved in the cover-up of a murder....I'm sorry, but the Obama press conference is more important.

We will likely get a 30-minute speech over the people who were saved by the Senate's action. These are the little people...."Joe the Homeless guy", "Joe the hair stylist", "Joe the Pepsi truck driver", "Joe the chiropractor", "Joe the lumber sales guy", "Joe the transvestite from Calvin's bar", and "Joe the dude who hasn't paid his taxes for ten years but has a cabinet post lined up"....who will benefit from the glorious senate action.

We will be naturally curious about how this kept irreversible recession from happening, but he probably won't use that word again. We might even be curious if this stopped the catastrophic event from occurring or if it just delays the catastrophic event.

I'm the guy who would like to be in row two....when he opens the floor up for fifteen minutes of questions and answers. I've picked my five questions already:

1. Mr. President...have you actually read the entire package that Senate has passed? (he won't answer that question).

2. Mr. President....if this doesn't work....are you prepared in six or twelve months to have Pelosi Stimulus version 2.0 up on the table and working on it? And if so, can we expect the same amount of pork or less? (he won't answer that question).

3. Mr. President...is it true that the states are lined up at the end of the month to ask for one trillion dollars in stimulus as well? Is this the second stimulus package? (no answer).

4. Mr. President....can you define pork? Can pork stimulate the economy? (still no answer).

5. Mr. President....do you have any comments to make to Mr. Limbaugh? (he'll spend five minutes answering this question....foolishly though).

As you sit and watch the opening of the press conference...you will see him eyeball a certain reporter, and then another, and then another. He's likely got five guys lined up with set questions. You will notice that one will be a national network reporter, one a AP reporter, one a national newspaper reporter, and likely a CNN reporter, who get the questions. These guys will be smiling as they ask the question, and maybe even winking back and forth as they get the answer.

And don't worry...CSI Miami will be back next week. But please note....the state stimulus/recover package comes up in four weeks and will have to be slammed just like this one....so you might get another Monday night press conference in six weeks....and screw up another episode of CSI Miami. Maybe we should ask the Senate to pass a law that says the President can only have televised news conferences on Saturday or Sunday nights (after 60 Minutes though).

Your Census

Not that I really care, because I always thought it was bogus....but a curious event occurred with the census folks on Friday. You won't hear about on ABC, NBC, or CBS...it'll get just a brief mention on CNN...and just a bit more on Fox. The Census folks, which was under the Commerce Department....have been removed and placed under direct authority of the White House. The chief of the Census, reports straight to the President himself.

Most folks are rather shocked once they understand the entire story. You see, in 2010...the Census will be in full swing. The director of the Census folks will likely report weekly to the President. Vital instructions from the President to the Chief of the Census folks will be passed. The Census department is expected to collect an absolute and full Census....meaning that they actually visit each and every residence.

A number of Democrats....Bill Clinton in particular, would like to see a sampling-collection....meaning that you visit twenty people out of one hundred and then you base the entire Census off these statistics. The plus-up here is that you might intentionally pick a Latino or Black area, then pump the stat's up by twenty, thirty, or even forty percent. You could say this one county has 250,000 people....when it only has 244,000 people in real numbers.

Why make this big change to the White House? There are two explanations. First, after our buddy Governor Richardson got into legal trouble and couldn't pass to the Commerce Secretary job....there was a long pause, and then....they decided a Republican Senator could be the choice. This made the Obama team happy but then some minority leadership folks got involved and felt that the Republican Senator would be a threat to the Census. He might actually count real people, as they are directed to do by the Constitution. So that forced up the idea of bringing this group under Presidential control.

The second big explanation is that the President can openly task the Census folks in one way....taking all the heat and handing out Presidential pardons later if some folks are brought in for state or federal court action. Various members of the Obama team would have personal insight and direction over this entire mess.

Whats all this mean? Well....come the end of 2010...there will be a fury in Washington DC. The numbers delivered won't be realistic or they will be too realistic. States that were noted as decreasing in population will suddenly find 300,000 extra folks. States that were noted as growing....will lose 500,000 folks. Naturally, some upset congressmen, state folks, senators, and lots of media attention. The President? He'll come out....smiling....winking....and eventually, you will realize that the entire Census is suspect and cannot be used for anything.

What should a guy do when the Census folks come to the house? Well....if it were me, when asked what type of race I am....I probably would respond American Indian, and understate my age by 25 years. If I suspect the results will be skewed, then why be honest? The curious thing is that alot of Bama folks might take this advice, and then we'd discover in 2011 that half the population of Bama is American Indian. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing.

What I'd like to see here....is eventually the President removes all functionality of the government from the various cabinet posts, and just run everything himself from the oval office. If this Census move is smart, then moving the operation of the FBI, the CIA, the Parks Service, and even the Coast Guard....to the President's direct authority....would be real smart. Course, maybe this isn't very smart anyway? Just another day in America.