Friday, 20 February 2009

16 September 1787

Reporting from Philadelphia amongst the Constitutional Convention crowd is that the quickly written constitutional document is simply too big and long for them to consume. Word on the street indicates that not a single member of the convention has actually read the document, except for perhaps the squirrelly Republican-wannabe Thomas Jefferson.

Several major news outlets say today that intense pressure is being put on the anti-constitution crowd. They readily admit that some things in the document are ok, but they just can't vote for the complete document...primarily because they are worried that some things in the unread document might trigger trouble later.

Unidentified sources say that the Constitution will pass through tomorrow, and find trouble in each state....but likely will eventually pass. Everyone admits it'd be nice to read the entire document.....but there just isn't time to waste on this. Considering the fact that tomorrow is 17 September 1787 and a Monday...everyone wants to rush in....sign the unread document....and then rush home (remember, it take two to fourteen days for most to return to their respective states).

Note, this is how things would have worked in 1787, if stimulus logic existed then.

Stimulus Let-Down

There's an excellent parody over at CAP today.....which got me to laughing about a minute into it:

President-elect Barack Obama continued to show he means business with regard to the economy when he announced this morning that he is providing jobs in his administration to all 400,000 unemployed Michigan residents. The announcement comes as Michigan is poised to be the first state with a double-digit unemployment rate.

"Drastic measures are needed, and drastic measures are needed now," Obama said during a speech broadcast on closed-circuit televisions at Michigan's unemployment offices. "And by drastic, I mean adjective, extremely severe or intensive, radical in nature, from the Greek word drastikos."

Obama's plan creates Cabinet-level posts for every Michigan resident who filed a jobless claim during the month of December, aligning each worker with a job that matches his or her skill level. Newly created positions include Secretary Of The Morning Paper, Facebook Status Update Administrator, and Chief Hot Food Tester. Economists say it is a bold initiative.

"What he's saying to Michigan and pretty much the rest of the country is that Uncle Barack will take care of you," said laid-off University of Michigan economist and newly-appointed Warming Up The Car Secretary George Helms. "And no need to worry, because Uncle Jintao will take care of him."

Additionally, Obama's latest economic stimulus plan also includes a guarantee to every appointee of being able to play at least one inning in his administration's summer softball outing, as well as an expanded dollar value menu at McDonald's and the desgination of a new number to represent the size of the national debt, obamillion.

However, critics desperate to find a chink in the armor of the Barack brigade say that reducing Michigan's unemployment rate to zero will then result in massive layoffs at the dozens of unemployment offices throughout the state. It's what some Republican lawmakers are calling the "Madoff approach" to fixing the economy.

"What's he going to do next, offer positions to every yahoo who loses out for the New York Jets head coaching job?" said Sen. Mike Bishop, who by his own admission is considering leaving his post in the Michigan state Senate for a new appointment as Obama's Secretary Of Finding The Remote.

Obama's advisors admit that the president-elect can't possibly hire every unemployed person in the country, so they are tailoring plans to states on an individual basis. Next week, Obama is expected to announce an economic recovery plan for South Carolina that involves a free iTunes download with the purchase of every Jonas Brothers song.

"Not only does it provide economic assistance to the Jonas Brothers and every South Carolina resident whether employed or unemployed, but it's also a mini bailout for Apple," said one advisor. "And after that whole Macworld let-down, they really need it."

I sat there for a good while....thinking damn....I need to move to Detroit. I actually pulled out my flask of Jacky D's....taking five or six chugs. I was already contemplating this move. I'd need more ammo for my pistol. I'd need a shotgun for the house. I'd probably have to accept a massive amount of change in my life. Then I came to realize it was all a parody....and I gulped even more Jacky D's.

Senator for Life Entitlements

There is discussion today....over Senator Ted Kennedy. Apparently, it is now strongly portrayed that Ted is dying....with only weeks to go. The belief is....that once Ted dies.....his wife, Vicki, is appointed by the governor. Several news sources in Boston are already committing on this.

I sat there and kinda laughed. Its like a 1700s-style British empire. The family controls the seat and the position....thus it must be a Kennedy in its place. Nothing else is accepted.

The Boston news sources aren't exactly positive or negative about this story....they are simply reporting what they are being told by Democratic operatives.

What may transpire? I'm thinking the governor will announce a 30-day period of morning after Ted's death and avoid any discussion on the topic. I'm thinking the public.....the longer that this goes on....will be less likely to support Vicki. The chances of Vicki winning a re-election? Zero at this point, again based on commentary in Boston news points. Vicki simply isn't Ted and doesn't draw votes like Ted.

This automatic appointment of some senator's something out of the 1700s.....and really doesn't fit into today's atmosphere.

How the Depression will Feel

So this is my portrait of the coming depression....utilizing Huntsville, Alabama as my focus point.

When you walk into the airport, which used to have 24 flights a day come and'll notice fewer people standing around and then look at the screen. There'll a total of 11 flights per day. Eight will run to Atlanta, with one each to DC, Dallas, and Chicago. In the past when you could talk to the travel agent and get a reservation in twelve days for a certain trip you you discover that you can't leave on Friday like you want....the plane will dump you in Atlanta for six hours before your connection....and you have to stay two extra days to find an opening for your return.

The 6PM local news on the four local stations? They used to have mostly car franchises financing the commercials for the news program.....six to eight 30 second Chevy or Ford or Honda or Nissan commercials. Now there's one car commercial max on each station for the news. The pricier commercials are now gone. The big video displays throughout the program? Gone. The old guy is still there but the two other folks are gone and these 22-year old kids are the assistants. Saturday news is completely gone, and Sunday night news only occurs for the 10PM slot.

Thirty percent of the restaurants in Huntsville have closed over 2009 and 2010. The pricier places are completely shut down. Half of the fast food establishments at the mall are gone.

The upscale hotels in Huntsville are begging for customers, going down to $45 a night throughout the week to attract folks.

People used to chat and talk about going to the casino over in Mississippi. No one goes much now.

Half the furniture shops in town are now closed.

Robberies have increased by 200 percent, with armed assault up by 100 percent. Folks don't go out after 9PM, and most everyone now carries a pistol in the car.

Churches that deep into bank loans for their construction...suddenly find that they can't make the payments. One or two mega churches in Huntsville fail.

People stop buy expensive non-seasonal fruit and vegetables. Wal-Mart is the number one place to buy your grocieres.

The hooker trade is failing fast. Guys don't have the money, and if they do....they are thinking twice about how they spend it.

This is my vision of just small-town Bama, and how things would go. As you start to focus across gets no better. Most everyone by the end of 2010....will be affected in some fashion.

"Mad" Chimp Cartoon

This week, a cartoon appeared in the New York Post. It came after the stimulus package, and after the shooting of the "mad" chimp in Connecticut. The Post was accused of being racist at one point, then by animal lovers as being inhuman in using the "mad" chimp. The Post was accused of alot of things. I sat and pondered over the cartoon.

At first, I laughed. They had attached the writing of the stimulus package to an ape, when no one in the Senate or House would dare admit in public that they had written the stimulus bill. Then the longer I sat and thought about the cartoon....the madder I got. The Post was basically saying that it would take a simple ape to write this stimulus package....and this made me furious.

An ape would have written a simple 30 line stimulus package....detailing a tax credit for banana operations, and probably a stimulus plan to build giant ape zoo areas....and nothing more. No ape would have been crazy enough to write 1,000 pages of crap.

So that's my feeling. The only folks that the Post insulted....were the apes....suggesting they'd be foolish enough to write Pelosi crap.