Monday, 1 June 2009

How I Feel

Lately, I've been thinking that I have way too much money.

I realize this bothers some of you....and you'd like for me to give you the money....but instead....I'd just like to give it to the US government....in the form of taxes. I feel that this is the only way that I can properly get rid of excess money....and feel a itch gone from my fingers.

How would I accomplish this transfer? Well....it's difficult. You don't just want to hand those kindly folks at the IRS the money. It needs to be creative.

Originally, I was thinking a sales tax of twelve percent. That would help take the $2,500 that I'm thinking about as being totally wasted. As I buy beer, wine, potato chips, catsand, VHS tapes of Madonna's workout routine, self-healing books about Egyptian God's, and jock itch spray....then I'd be giving those folks the money without even thinking about the transaction.

Then I got to thinking....why not make it a gasoline tax....making gas $5 a gallon....and I could just drive that $2,500 a year away. As I passed Austin or Charleston, I could feel the pleasures of just giving the money away. I could feel good in January or July.

Then I started to imagine this steak tax of $2 a pound. So as I was eating my $15 steak....I could not only enjoy the steak but feel better about the money being gone. Naturally, it bothered me that some folks might give up steak and become vegetarian in nature....so this wasn't a great tax idea.

Then I came to the idea of taxes on any car but GM and Chrysler...thus forcing everyone to buy a loser car or pay a swell $2500 tax on anything else. I would have easily paid the tax, then felt good about the Toyota I bought.

Then I started up with the idea of a beer and alcohol tax....mostly a dollar here and a dollar there. It'd take a while to tax the $2,500 out of my pocket. I'd have to consume alot of booze to make this a successful transaction.

Maybe I've got the wrong idea and should just settle into the old logic of holding onto my own money. Even if I were successful and got the money over into the government's hands....then what? Would they spend it on hot tubs for congressmen? Would they put Senator Tubby up in a five-star joint in London? Would they fly the President over Manhattan two or three times so he could see everything up close and personal? That's the problem in giving them the money....they just might waste it on stuff and you'd never feel right about it.