Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Two Orders

We were given two executive orders yesterday (at least if you work for the government).

Basically, the first deals with texting on cellphones. We are now forbidden....by Presidential order, from texting while driving a vehicle. The backend of this deal is that if you work for the government....get into an accident....and they discover you were texting...they can readily fire you.

Personally, I always wondered who the heck could text off some tiny screen with tiny buttons, while driving. It never made any sense.

The second Presidential executive order was more interesting. We in the government world have all been tasked to help lessen our carbon contributions. The President wants all of the groups and agencies to come back and identify goals for the future.

I sat and paused over this for a while.

Here in the military, we are very wasteful. We have fighters carrying missiles which end up taking up more fuel and therefore we are wasting precious resources for silly missiles. We have bombers with bombs, which take up more weight and waste more fuel. We have cargo planes carrying cargo, which take up more weight and waste more fuel. We have tanks with heavy rounds which take up more fuel. We have ships with torpedoes which take up more weight.

So my idea is to dump every bit of weight....makes sense....right?

What I see is a bunch of statistical bunnies running around government offices...particularly the Air Force....and then starting to measure things in a fashion that can’t be measured.

Some idiot will discover that 1-ply toilet paper makes sense and force us to only use that in the office building. Some guy will discover that if you turn the water pressure on the bathroom sink down by 60 percent, you save eight gallons a day of water per sink. Some idiot will discover that most airmen at the chow hall won’t eat turnip greens so they just stop buying them.

Things progress and spiral though at this point. Then we have some idiot who comes up and wants the building temperature in the evenings during January and February lowered down to 48, and then slow raise the temperature at 7AM back up to 68. The sad thing is that it takes hours to raise the temperature like that and you literally freeze for three hours out of the duty day.

Adding to the mess...there will be the guys who question how many vehicles ought to be on base and then just decide twelve percent should be dumped. So then folks waste man-hours running around to find one lousy truck to transport six computers from one building to another. Or you have someone who questions the necessity of printing everything and arranges for one printer for the whole building and reviews everything you printed.

I worked in an organization in 1978 that ran out of fuel funds in July. We had to take thirty percent of the vehicles in the Air Force squadron (a Civil Engineering unit) to the parking lot and just leave them. We had various jobs that sat there and could not be acted upon because we just didn’t have the trucks to do the job.

Maybe somewhere in the midst of this mess....someone will even come to the idea of getting rid of toilets and just give folks a bucket to do your business into and we just dump that into some pit out back of the building at the end of the day.

Everyone would get their own personal bucket and just squat there to save water for the government, and save the Earth.

Cynical about this? Yes, I am. In the end.....we all end up taking extra steps to do something and burn just as much energy with the alternate process....as the original process. Something’s not right....but we just don’t grasp this.

Promi-Love & Health Care

Word on the street today is that if the public won't buy the health career proposal deal from their Democratic senators or congressmen....or their President....then the heavyweights of Hollywood are being called in.

Apparently, President Obama is now going to call up Hollywood promis like actress Rosario Dawson and musician Will.I.Am, to help in the war to pass the health care deal.

There is some contest underway where supporters are supposed to be making up various 30 second commercials to be placed on the networks and sell the package next.

I sat there and pondered this a while. I couldn't really remember the last time that I took any Hollywood type serious...well...at least after John Wayne died.

It would appear that if a dumbass congressman or senator can't effectively get the message across and sell the product....and the public just isn't going to buy off with the President's charm anymore...then Hollywood and TV commercials will make the sell? Am I missing something here?

It would seem like that this is going to become a dead horse by mid-November and almost every single political figure in DC is going to pack up around the second week of November and just go home and rest. I don't think anything can pass after that point this year, and it'll be mid-January before the boys all come back from vacation.

The Hollywood angle sounds neat and keeps the boys out there busy and out of trouble because they really want to be part of some agenda. At some point, they will start to why no one is taking them serious as artists anymore...and the game will come to an abrupt end.

Entering a Bold New World

The Mail (a great UK paper) reported yesterday a bit of business news. Apparently, a Japanese airline (Nippon)....has now started asking folks boarding to go over to the airport toilet before boarding...to reduce carbon emissions. The logic here? Empty bladders mean lighter passengers onboard, with a somewhat lighter plane (maybe forty pounds) and thus lower fuel use.

I've been waiting for this thought process to arrive. I've been pondering this for a year or two....quietly.....on my way to work.

So the logic would be....a toilet at the bottom of every building with a elevator....and have folks "dump" prior to boarding the elevator. The same logic works before boarding a ferry. The same logic works before getting on a escalator. The same logic works before entering a car to drive to work.

I call it...."the crap and save the world" theory.

I realize some of you....have a personal thing about when you do it....and don't want to be rushed....but think of the Earth. You can save us....by taking a dump and doing it before you use energy. Surely you can grasp this and come to our reality.

Imagine holding 2 pounds of pee for half an hour while on a bus? If you had simply stood by the bus and peed against the tires before entering....you would have saved two pounds against the force on the engine. If we all did it....we would have saved sixty pounds of pee (considering 29 passengers and one driver) from being part of the movement cycle.

I also have this idea about a open window area on all buses where you might feel the urge to pee and you could just swing around to that window....let loose and pee out on the right side of the road (away from traffic)....letting a pound of pee free from the carbon usage of the bus.

If we only took the right steps here.....and peed and crapped all the time.....the world would be a better place.....you know?