Monday, 26 October 2009

Bodily Fluids

So I'm a pause-and-wait position right now on new employment. Basically, the boys in DC say I'm the guy....but they need some bodily fluid to prove that I've stayed straight and pure (not partaking of that mary-j-u-wanna stuff or flash-and-relive-your-life pills).

So at some point this week, I expect the phone call where I'm supposed to show up somewhere in the Ramstein area and give up five fluid ounces of bodily fluids.

Over my entire military career....I probably had to do this over thirty times.

Over the first eight years.....I had a total of three donations. I was always thinking this was the normal rate and didn't think much of this bodily fluid testing.

Then, I got to Panama....and I ended with twelve tests over three years. The boys got serious there.

Then, I came to Tucson. Over the first year....I had three tests and didn't think much of the issue. But then in the second year....came eight tests over eight months. I eventually came to the First Sargent and commented that it wasn't statistical anymore. He made a phone call and the next month.....the consecutive monthly thing ended.

Over my final five years in uniform at Ramstein....I probably did it three times.

It's not a big deal....as long as the idiots run a honest program. They expect you to fill a certain square and are willing to pay you to be that kind of person....no big deal. At some point, years from now....I'll probably run off to Amsterdam and smoke up a storm with mary-j-u-wanna, and finally grasp what I've been missing all my life.

Alien Pondering

There is this forum area that I frequent...and this week...some topic came up about alien movies and perceived aliens. It was a long-winded discussion. Basically, we come down to three types of aliens.

The first is the one that has come to suck the living life out of you folks and destroy civilization.

The second is the one who is a liberal or environmental type...wanting to help the Earth proceed to being a very nice friendly liberal society.

The last one...is typically the alien group who accidentally landed on Earth and would like to get the hell out of here but some bunch of American military guys or evil CEO guys are trying to stop them from leaving.

I sat there for a while....and asked why is it...just three types of aliens?

Couldn't we have some right-wing type of aliens...like Rush or Beck?

Couldn't we have some aliens who are here merely to study folks from Bama and report back on a highly intelligence class of human beings?

Couldn't we have some aliens who caught episodes of Andy Griffith and want to personally observe some real friendly folks?

Couldn't we have aliens who visit to have fantastic fried chicken or hot-and-spicy chili?

Couldn't we have aliens who seek eternal knowledge and Baptist living...and just wanna find a good dry county somewhere?

Couldn't we have aliens who left some planet for a place with a lesser tax burden?

Couldn't we have aliens who just want to disrupt American elections and vote in multiple states?

Couldn't we have aliens who just want the secret recipe for Pabst Blue Ribbon...and then they will leave peacefully?

For some reason....we get stuck with just three kinds of aliens. It bothers me. I actually waste time pondering on this and thinking about other scenarios. This is time that I could better spend on pondering about unusual piercings on ladies, or the best way to mix a whiskey sour, or perhaps the real reason for the White House to isolate Fox News.