Thursday, 10 December 2009

Problems of an Unusual Nature

My associate at work....who has finally moved to paradise (she claims this anyway)....came up and admitted that there had been one minor problem with this fantastic apartment that she had in downtown Kaiserslautern....which concerned the neighbor.

It was a 4-star place....in the midst of the heart of Kaiserslautern. Parking in the basement. A balcony gave a great view. She could walk to the walkplatz in a matter of minutes. So I sat there and asked what could be possibly wrong?

Above her....there was this apartment with a “lady” (we shall not use any less language in this description)....who had a rather active lusty lifestyle. Some might say that they wished they were her, or could be so lucky.

The lady happened to have a gentleman....with exceptional ability. So as the lady arrives home from a social date....she would readily utilize her bed....a wooden one of course....with the bottom of the legs briskly rubbing the tiles. Then, around 1 or 2 AM....there would be another demonstration of exceptional ability. And finally around 6AM....there would be another demonstration of exceptional ability. This went on daily.....apparently.

So after a number of days...and sleepless nights....my associate surveyed the problem and tried to think of a nice way to approach the lady. She didn’t want to embarrass the lady. She didn’t want to make this into a bad thing. She didn’t want a ‘bad neighbor’ tag attached to her after the meeting.

So after a week or so....she came to this short speech which she developed....and then knocked on the door. It was a simple speech....if lady could simply put carpet against the wood and tile....or some way to soften the exceptional ability of her gentleman.

You can imagine the awkward nature of this meeting. A guy would have handled this in a lousy fashion....or at least I would think that. Guys would hate to just knock on a door and comment on a problem like this.

Well....after the meeting....the noise did lessen....at least 80 percent of it. It’s barely noticed now. I didn’t ask questions although I would have been curious over the final solution.

Years ago....I lived in the barracks and next door to me...was a guy with some lady friend who would show up in the middle of the week (never on weekends).....for three or four hours (always after ten). This meeting of sorts became this dramatic event that you could easily hear and you tended to think you were right in the room with them.

My room mate and I often listened to it and we would debate if we should say anything (it would be near midnight and we both worked regular schedules). But we always came around to thinking how lucky the guy was and then we stopped our complaining. Later, we found out that it was some officer’s wife...who eventually divorced her husband and then married “Snuffy”....this neighbor of ours.....from Texas...who was twelve years younger than her.

This stuff always ends up as an opera of sorts...for some odd reason.

My Copenhagen "Anchor"

The ten things that hurt the global warming effort:

- Meetings are held with private airplanes and limousines ferrying global enthusiasts like rock stars at some mega week-long concert event. Any town hosting such a climate conference makes a hundred million easily on profit...with caviar flown in from Russia, Champagne from France, and lobster from Alaska. We all watch this...and just over the rock-star status of the entire event.

- Bringing up polar bear decline. Frankly, the facts are easily found via both the US and Canadian government...and polar bears have been increasing in numbers since the 1960s. Consider the fact as well....that polar bears will migrate to where the seal population shifts to (that’s their primary feasting food). Seals aren't going to die with a lacking ice scene.

- When asked of the impact of sun spots on the earth’s weather pattern...you notice a twinge to every Earth Sciences expert. Solar studies wasn't required in college for their Earth Sciences degree...so they don’t know a thing about sun spots and if you challenged them to explain sun spots in general....they generally can’t give you a three-line simple explanation.

- When history is brought up and the Roman era with a vastly warming period is put on the table....the Earth Sciences expert will say little about this....because he didn’t study any history during his period in college. The same could be said of the mini-cooling period of the 1600-to-1700’s when temperatures went down around five to ten degrees on average across the globe.

- True weather data....actual real numbers....start in the 1850s in England. Before that, we are stuck with ice collection and tree rings for any period past that 1850s. It's the best we can do....but then folks want some scientific graphic to patch this altogether....and then you start to pick data from here....but not there.

- Peer review is a major problem with any Earth Sciences expert. They hate it. They never want to share the data set that started their project with anyone. Even Al Gore will not sit down to discuss any of his “facts” with anyone except to get a general agreement with everything ahead of time.

- If you bring up the question....”Has the ice ever melted before around Northern Canada to allow boats to pass?”.....the typical answer given by a global warmer is no. The fact is....the Russians passed through the area in the early 1800s....using it as a routine passage.

- Has the climate on the Earth maintained itself at “X” for the past 250 million years? If not, has the climate on the Earth maintained itself at “X” for the past 500,000 years? If not, has the climate on the Earth maintained itself at “X” for the past 1,000 years? At some point, you have to admit to a weather pattern and climate situation...that changes year by year, decade by decade.

- If you were going to declare this an official real emergency with climate change....why would attach the entire game to a tax game where you the guilty party could continue on with your habits but then fund third world countries with the tax revenue? It’s like two sets of hands in this taxation game....one wants to rob like Robin Hood and give to the poor....the other wants to hinder industrial country growth and limit profit amongst the industrial developed.

- When you drive around and start to notice weather and data collection sites.....you start to notice thermometers that are within three feet of concrete/asphalt, or next to a concrete building, or near an exhaust duct for an air conditioning system. Ever wondered how much heat could put on the temperature reading? One degree? Two degrees? Three degrees? Ask a journalist “why this matters” and watch them sweat. They hate seeing pictures like this because it really confuses the numbers game. Is it really three degrees hotter in Phoenix now than in 1977?

I’m not a rocket scientist but when you stand there and start to make observations like this....and then some guy says “just trust me”..... it just doesn’t work.

The problem for NPR, CNN, Time, Newsweek and all of these newspapers.....people finally got around to reading up on things and getting smart. They ask questions now. They want a real explanation, which they typically aren’t getting.

One of the great moments for me getting smart on this global warming business....was to sit down and read around fifty pages of the Kyoto Treaty. I eventually came to this paragraph....talking about the measurements and method of plusing up countries on carbon. They came to suddenly agree that technology would eventually develop these wonderful shrubs and trees...which would double the transformation of carbon (basically fixing a major problem). Then the Kyoto guys said that this was an unallowed technology. Like a game of Monopoly....they said that you weren’t to use such massive acreages in subtracting your carbon mess.

You could have fixed the whole carbon number problem in two or three decades....but they came to suggest that this was a bad thing....never with any explanation in the text.

I came to look over the discussion of coal fired plants and how certain plants of a particular age were to be graded in a harsh fashion. All you had to do was build a new plant....and you suddenly got upgraded. But then they wanted to punish you in another fashion because it was coal and not renewable resources.

So I’ve lost confidence in global warming and the numbers. I’ve lost confidence in journalists who say “trust me”. I’ve lost confidence in reports which lack peer review. I’ve lost confidence in people who meet at 5-star resorts to discuss climate control but they flew 100 people in private jets to the same conference....to make this point. I’ve lost confidence in polar bears who aren’t declining in population (like they really should be declining).

If you really wanted to have an impact on the whole “industry” and scare the journalists....make a funny rule up. Either the actual polar bear population is actually declining....or we go out and shoot enough of the polar bears until we can actually show a decline. Radical? Maybe....but this is the mentality of folks that we are dealing with.

There Are Rules, You Know

There are a couple of unwritten rules about the Nobel Peace Prize.

First, there's always a dinner event with the bigwigs of the Norwegian Nobel committee. You sit down...eat up some fish...drink some local booze...and grin over these Peace Prize committee member's jokes. These guys aren't exactly brilliant or great conversationalists....but then you are a guest in their country and accepting some chunk of medal from the guys. Naturally, you should play the game.

So the next rule....is that you come up to a press conference and gush over your appreciation for folks...in Norway and the Peace Prize Committee. You get to answer some stupid questions from mostly Norwegian reporters who never get to travel to real places...like DC, Atlanta, Red Bay or Gadsden.

Then the next rule is that you come up to a state-run TV channel and doa real Norwegian interview. It don't have to be sixty minutes. Alot of guys get antsy, so just twenty minutes would be fine. These guys never ask hard questions. It's always cheerful and they are trying to make you look like Marilyn Monroe or Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant. The chief thing is just smile and say some stupid crap about teachers in school or professors in college or your hunting buddy from down the road.

Then you come up to a children's event that happens to promote peace and happens to generally be a concert of sorts. Well....a concert of classical or opera music....not country or jazz or Lady GaGa. You can just sit there for an hour...smile....act like you like this opera music and then shake hands with everyone...then jump in the car to escape.

Then finally, here comes the meeting with the king of Norway. This is a pretty dandy event where you come up to him...shake hands....get some pictures taken with the King...and then go back for thirty minutes to talk King-stuff with the guy. Naturally, I'm from Bama....and I'd be thinking mostly hunting and fishing being discussed with the King...maybe some general car repair stuff....and maybe even a note or two about difficult women in your life. The King will share his wisdom....maybe offer up some premium snuff and a shot of Norwegian Jacky D's....and then kiss you on both cheeks. Bama guys would take offense to this but you have to understand that European royalty tend to kiss alot....and a kiss or two between two guys doesn't really mean you are "funny" or such.

This is the expectation and general rules about accepting your prize.

So, President Obama and the White House...canceled almost all of these events. Yep....almost all of them. The Norwegians....are a bit upset over this treatment. They kinda thought that he was bigger than that. Course, they thought alot of things...and were basically wrong on them.

So....deep in the frozen northland of Norway tonight.....a couple of Nobel Peace Prize committee guys are likely sitting there. They sip on a whiskey and kinda ponder what the hell happened over their selection process...and why this guy acted this way. Shouldn't things have gone differently? Didn't this guy know the rules?

I'm guessing somewhere else out there....deep in the Texas outback....is George Bush....grinning ear to ear. He's thinking....these stupid dimwitted Norwegians. If they had invited George...he would have met up with every single Norwegian at the airport, the capital building and made women cry with his opera house mannerisms.

My own guess? He really has some deep emotional problems over an event like this and showing real character or personality. He can't deliver a genuine performance.....because he simply isn't that guy that everyone likes to believe in. So he did the best he could....and you can't ask for more.