Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Gitmo Parody

After deep discussions over the topic of Gitmo being moved.....the Mayor of Thomson, Illinois, Governor Pat Quinn, and President Obama met to discuss the final requirement.

The key part of this final deal....renaming Thomson to “Gitmo”. For the mayor, it was a bitter pill to swallow. The CIA folks quickly pointed out that it simply made sense.....Gitmo was Gitmo, and the prisoners were all part of this renaming effort.

For the town to get the millions in aide....they had to go along with the renaming effort. The Governor was enthusiastic about this effort....more cash for Thomson....meant more cash and taxes for Illinois.

The Mayor keyed in on the biggest part of this....the new signs for the city along the entrance of the town....but the President quickly piped up that he had a stimulus package for that....and had a 32-man unit “shovel-ready” crew that’s prepared to manufacture 32,000 signs over a two-year period. The Mayor was a bit worried about the massive number of signs, but the President assured him that half of these were for the Gitmo gift shop out at the entrance of town.

The conversation then turned to the jobs created by this arrangement. The Mayor was peppy and determined to get a real number. He mentioned 300 jobs. The Governor was more peppy about this topic, and casually figured the number to be closer to 900. The President just grinned and said the final tally would amount to 6,000 jobs created in this endeavor.

The Mayor scratched his head and tried to figure out where the heck the 6,000 number came from but the President reassured him....don’t worry....these are statistical numbers, and don’t really matter except for the press.

Then finally, the question came around to security. The President then mentioned that a work-release type program might be necessary as each resident of the jail was stamped “innocent”. The mayor got a bit jumpy at this hint, but the President assured him....there was already a program “shovel-ready” for the released prisoners, and that they’d be given local residency and a $100k home as part of the apology from the government. The mayor felt happy about this because none of these guys would be left homeless then.

As for the town of Gitmo, Illinois.....it soon became legendary....and a Triple-A baseball team eventually moved there....with the team referred to as the “Gitmo Pleasures” and sponsored by an erotic oil company.

A "Oz" Moment

Someone requested of me an item or two to bring back from Germany….to the states. Once I realized the item….I responded….”can’t you get that at Woolworths?”

That comment had a crispy and cynical response back….asking how long I’ve been gone from the US?

I then realized that in these fifteen years of living in Germany….there are more than just a couple of things that have changed. Some businesses…like Circuit City…have come and gone.

There on the streets of Arlington….I’ll likely be standing…..confused, dazed, and gazing off into the distance.

I can see that I’m going to have issues. It may take six months for me to realize this isn’t Kansas anymore and Oz might have been better in the end.

The Bush Emails

At some point in the Bush administration….they decided that all these emails that were going back and forth out of the White House….weren’t real documents, and thus….shouldn’t be kept in the archives group. So they deleted them.

Naturally, a bunch of folks were upset, because there were all kinds of gems of “intelligence” that they could get their hands on.

The curious thing is that most folks don’t write in an official capacity when responding to something in email format. A guy might easily say: “Joe, this is crappy and an only a dimwit would be happy with this”.

So now, thanks to a couple of smart guys who knew how to undelete things....twenty-two million of these emails have been brought back to life.

For the next year or two....dozens of people without real lives or real jobs....will pour over these documents and announce proudly that Bush used the phrase “dumbass” forty-eight times....twelve of these involving some Democratic senator. Then they will proudly announce that 480 of these emails revolve around the choice of food for some state dinner that was held in honor of the President of Nigeria.

The curious thing is that email just appeared in the past fifteen years. Richard Nixon....never had a single email. Truman, Roosevelt, and Wilson....never a single email. So now, we will privy to an enormous collection of meaningless nothing.

Imagine if the White House staff started an official Twitter site....and we could get our hands on these worthless pieces of Twitter?

Finally....when you sit down and figure there are only 90-odd folks working in the White House....and that over 8 years, you’d be talking about 240,000-odd emails on average from each position....then you’d start to wonder....just what the heck were they sending 240k emails out on and then you start to ask if that’s going to be more, or less than the Obama team.

So now a word of advice for folks with email “pst’s” where they storage hundreds, if not thousands of emails. If you were to delete the pst....it still resides somewhere on the disk and could be brought back with a little bit of effort. The longer that you wait....the more issues that exist. If you want to ensure nothing gets brought back.....open the pst with anything....even word....and delete the interior contents......till fill with X’s....save....then delete. When the guy finally does undelete this and finally bring back the file....it’s loaded with X’s, and nothing else.

Just a Silly Statue in Indonesia

Normally, a story like this....I wouldn’t really say much about. Some folks over in Jakarta, Indonesia....put up a statue of a young President Barack Obama....as a school kid....when he was there for four years. A number of folks have come up and as members of the Indonesian society....they now say they feel insulted by the statue.

The complaint generally lies around the idea that he wasn’t really an Indonesian....and he’s not a national hero of Indonesia.

The pro side of this....tends to say that this example is supposed to inspire local kids to follow their dreams.

I don’t have much negative or positive to say about this....at least up until the discussion turned toward the cost and who paid into this statue. Somewhere....in the midst of these ten organizations responsible....was a disaster relief charity.

I paused at this point....and wondered what exactly fits from a disaster relief group. There are thousands still suffering in the country....and these guys pulled out hundreds....if not a $1000.....to pay for some statue? That part doesn’t make sense.