Tuesday, 22 December 2009


I have an associate who got into trouble around a decade ago....over a football pool. It was a curious episode. He joined wits with three or four guys.....wrote up a spreadsheet with a weekly pool. The thing about the pool....no money was involved. Yep, this was agreed upon by all the guys.

So weeks passed, and then the security dude for the organization happened to trip over this football pool and got all upset. This was a government agency, and against all rules to have a football pool.

So naturally, an investigation occurred. The ringleader....turned out to be my associate who started the spreadsheet. They brought him in and were preparing for a massive disciplinary action. At some point, he kinda interrupts them and asks if no money was exchanged....how could this be gambling. There was a long pause then.
They went back to the other participants....and all said the same thing.....no money was ever pledged.

You would expect the whole thing to fall apart at that point....but no....the security chief decided that the government regulations read in such a manner that if you just smiled in glee...from winning the weekly pool...you violated the government’s ethical situation. So they ended up with some disciplinary action anyway....just not the most serious.

I sat there....being from Bama....and pondering this.

How can you gamble....without money or money-associated items involved?

Now, in Bama....you could put up twenty bales of hay.....a hundred pounds of corn feed.....a cow or two.....a dozen goats....or just cash....to gamble in such a pool.
That would readily be called gambling. They involved something of true value. But to bet on something....with nothing paid at the end?

In Bama, a money-less bet....just wouldn’t fly.


I had to go by the German Auslanderamt this week. That’s the office....where we foreign guys with visas....do our “in and out” business.

It’s down at the Kaiserslautern county office. They had the same furniture and run-down condition that I noted back in 1999. I was next in line as I arrived....with two Turkish gals dressed in some green satin get-up behind me.

I came to discuss my “leaving” of Germany....which I tended to think it shocked them that anyone would ever want to leave their lovely tax heaven (hell would be a better term to use).

Basically, they didn’t want to anything at all. Once I leave, and I announce this to the local Rot Haus (the city hall).....and then leave for six months, then this whole visa business is finished.

Then the lady said a strange thing. Had I waited....up until the 15th year to leave.....the visa would never....ever...end. Yep, this was passed in 2002, and is the unlimited and forever situation.

I sat there....mostly shocked. Had I waited four more lousy years to restart my predicament with these idiots.....then I could never have dumped this stupid visa.

Then the lady said that would arrange me to have “protections” with this fifteen year deal. When you mention “protections” to a guy...it tends to mean a condom....you know. But in this case....I start pondering this....what the hell kind of protection would these guys offer me? I was already a member of the Bama delegation and felt that Bama “protection” was just about all a guy really needed in life.

I thanked the lady....and left.

So on the fifth, as I take off from Frankfurt......my visa will start to end. Tears will likely flow from my eyes.....and relief from taxation will make me want to use the toilet quickly to release some of my German frustrations.

Why To Never Buy Used Vehicles

I worked with a guy here in Germany....who owned a vehicle and was a hunter. The day came when he needed to part with the vehicle, and sold it to a co-worker.

Today, around a year later....the co-worker and I were chatting....and the vehicle came up in discussion. She admitted....it was a really nice vehicle and well maintained....but there was this smell. After purchasing it....she noticed this faint but always present smell.

Our friend used the vehicle as his hunting vehicle....and always brought home the dead boars or birds in the back. Needless to say....a bit of smell ended up permanently staying there.

I asked her how bad this got....and she just grinned. She hinted that it was now a daily smell and she was ready to take drastic measures.

I paused over this.....I’m a Bama guy and always supportive of hunters and their passion. In the old days.....real Bama hunters all had pick-ups and you could always dump a cup of bleach on the bed and just hose down the situation. Today....using an SUV.....you’ve got problems with hauling dead boars.

I will predict that within a year.....she ends up selling the vehicle to some guy and putting up some fancy smell stuff to keep the animal smell down. Eventually, that new owner will start to suspect that a dead something was in the vehicle....and eventually pull up the carpet in the back....to freak out when blood stains are obvious. This guy will call the cops....they will haul my associate in for possible murder charges, and then tests will confirm the dead animal situation.

If she were smart then, she’d just announce to the new owner and the cops that she was into satanic rituals and butchered up wild boars as part of the ceremony....just to end this entire discussion. The new buyer is not going to desire to get his name in the local paper having bought some vehicle from a lady satanic worshiper who butchers up her own wild boar.

You can imagine the look on the faces of the cops when this blonde gal mentions all of this....and the animal part of the ceremony....and they might be all weepy eyed over finding a gal who got into their same interests.