Thursday, 19 August 2010

Legal Advice

Yesterday, a federal grand jury came out and indicted the mighty Boston Red Sox pitcher (now retired) Roger Clemens, for apparently lying to Congress about using steroids. So there's charges on obstruction of Congress, making false statements and perjury. Jail time is very possible.

I offer legal advice once in a while...while I will absolutely will profess not being a lawyer. After twenty-two years in the Air Force....I came to note three golden rules on legal stuff that are important to answer.

First, if a cop asks you something...generally respond with what you know unless it's harmful for you. Tell them about the neighbor, your boss, or even your cousin who is always doped up or high. In this case, the cop gets what he needs and moves on. If you act suspicious and refuse to detail information that has nothing to do with you....you automatically become a target.

Second, if called to a grand jury...appear and just plain state nothing. You don't have to answer a single question. You can act stupid or smart....but if this is about you....you'd best never admit nothing under oath. If they want to drag you into court...don't give them information that would help or information that would indicate a confession, or anything.

Third, if the cops come and demand you give a statement, or some congressman wants a statement in front of bunch of dimwitted political folks...don't volunteer to go. If they demand you....show up but don't say a word. Talk about the weather or the fine assembly of news folks....but don't volunteer to say anything. Because if you do....and anything is NOT true....you are screwed.

So that's my advice. And if you were a stupid baseball player on steroids...thinking an appearance before congress is not a big deal....that's plain stupid.

Doctor Laura

There came this bit of news yesterday....via the Larry King Show, which alot of us don't view much anymore....of Dr. Laura Schlessinger saying adios to radio at the end of this year.

There's a trigger to this deal...in that she used an inappropriate word (n-word) on the air. They was condemned by the big news media folks. The funny thing was that she was commenting how a bunch of black comedians could use the word but she couldn't, and then spoke the word several times.

It's a comical episode in a way.

Around seven years ago....on the way home, I'd listen to fifteen minutes of the show and mostly laugh over stupid problems that folks brought up. After about a year of listening to it....I stopped. I kinda felt sorry that folks were that screwed up and Doctor Laura basically settled their whole situation in three minutes flat.

I'm pretty sure I won't miss Doctor Laura....so this exit to me isn't a big deal. As for the n-word setting....she's actually proven that it's correct. Only black comedians are free to use it....and that's the end of the discussion.

The best Doctor Laura episode? Some guy called...from Bama....and got all up into his problem with his Catholic wife. This went on for about three minutes. At some point, between the accent and the direction of the problem....I began suspecting the whole thing was bogus. About sixty seconds later....it finally came out...totally bogus. Doctor Laura rattled off how upset she was and how immature this behavior was. She said that her business was very serious and this just wasn't right.

The neat thing now....is that radio has to fill that hour or two after Doctor Laura retires. So the race is on...we need a new doctor (other than that Phil-guy) to tell folks that they are plain stupid or they need to get right with something.

My suggestion is to find a doctor who has vast talents...like carburetor repair, fishing skills, septic tank replacement background, hay baler experience, an ex-wife from Spokane, had a drink or two in New Orleans, owns a Cub Cadet mower, done a visit or two to Reno, has some Methodist relatives, been on a tour of the Jack Daniels facility, voted Democrat at least once, knows four women by the name of Candy, can make fresh waffles, and can tell folks to dump Loretta or Bob in the middle of a call if he feels like it. And it'd be nice if he didn't have an opinion on the New York City mosque.

Just my humble opinion.

Churches and Taxes

I have an work associate who is a member of a religion and fairly dedicated to it. He's so enthusiast that he's willing to give the ten-percent tiding deal. For folks from Bama, that's a radical move and we'd really be hard pressed to cross that line. Tossing forty bucks in the plate is acceptable enough on Sunday, but to sign up for a ten-percent deal....then to stick with it....is fairly serious.

Adding to my associates dedication....is his wife who works as well....and gives her ten-percent. So it's a fair amount of money over the year for them to give.

Well....he's got this letter from the IRS folks, and they are questioning this mess, and hinting of a $10k tax bill. Naturally, they want proof from his records on donations. He's a bit worried.

I asked him....did the church maintain good records. Oh yes, he said they were very strict on keeping tax paperwork in line at the church. And his own personal records are perfect. I sat there and suggested that IRS is just poking around to find a mistake....but I doubt they will.

After that meeting, I thought about this.

A guy could start his own church out in his barn. He could ordain himself a minister of some radical free-thinking group. He could work forty hours a week and then donate his entire paycheck to his church. The church could then pay for his house, car payment, gasoline, cable TV, and food requirements. The church could decide (with the wife's permission as a deacon) to send the minister on a vacation to Hawaii once a year. The church could even guy him clothing, tooth paste, and Jacky D's whiskey.

All of this would be legal. The IRS would have a fit about it.....but our stupid tax rules allow this.

Why is the IRS poking around? They are pretty near the bottom of the bucket, and need the cash. They also are realizing the number of ministers driving BMWs, traveling on private jets, and buying houses for their ministers. The law is in the favor of the religious groups....not the IRS.

It's a stupid situation....religion has become this tax joke. And we merely accept it.