Sunday, 10 October 2010

TV Observations

I spent fifteen years outside of the US and missed alot of TV shows.  Since January, I've had a chance to view a number of shows.  Most are disappointing.  Some are kind of interesting.  And a few are getting me addicted.

The Real Housewives of DC (Bravo): It's the most bogus show that I've ever seen.  Oh, I agree, the characters are real, but these trophy wives are all nuts.  I've watched two episodes and sworn off the show now.  My real question?  How could any guy come up and marry these bogus trophy wives?  Have these guys lost their intelligence?  Are they doped up?

Flipping Out (Bravo): I've now come to watch around a dozen shows.  I realize Jeff is an actual businessman and probably does good work, but I truly believe Jeff is a better comedian than anything else.  Yes, he has almost no management skills or leadership ability.  Yes, he needs guidance badly.  Yes, there are alot of good people around Jeff.  Would I hire Jeff to remodel my place?  Never, in a thousand years.  But I watch the show because of comic value, and nothing else.

American Pickers (History Channel): It's a reality show over two guys who roam America looking for undervalued "junk".  To be honest, they hustle up old Pepsi signs, gas station pumps from the 1920s, and 1960s scooters....and somehow make a profit.  Mike and Frank are the kind of folks that I'd like to hang out with.   But to be honest, it's that Danielle-gal that makes me watch week after week.  I'd personally like to see Danielle go out on a run with the boys....but I suspect that she'd get too chatty with everyone they dealt with, and the show would bog down.

Ax Men (History Channel): Basically, lumberjacks.  It's a crazy formula for a show but I find myself absolutely addicted to it.  Nothing ever goes right, but by the end, you appreciate the effort these guys make for just an average day's wage.  And frankly, I think if you asked them to change jobs....they'd feel insulted.

Swamp People (History Channel): The channel went down to Louisiana, and found a dozen-odd swamp folks....and turned them into Hollywood stars.  I would readily admit that I'd never go out on any trip with these guys but it's fascinating to spend thirty minutes watching them at work.

Dog (A&E Channel): My bounty-hunter show.  You get a dose of management, leadership, prioritization, logic, ethics, and business administration in every episode.  It's like the university of life.  Dog hands out various lessons.  His wife corrects him at least once every eight minutes.  His sons will pull a rabbit out of the hat once in every show.  And the bad guys end up back in jail.

Dancing With the Stars (ABC): I've watched eight minutes of the show since January.  Frankly, I don't see what brings folks to the show or the audience.  I'd rather spend two hours at a Tractor-pull, than sit and watch ten minutes of "Dancing".

The Huckabee Show (Fox News): On Sunday nights, this is probably one of the worst shows on.  At various times, I've flipped through and watched three to five minutes of it.  Huck is a terrible moderator.  The show might actually have a decent guest on, but you start laughing over Huck's method of running the show.  Sadly, right after it is usually the Geraldo Show which is equally bad.  Luckily, NFL football is on.

There are actually evenings where I turn off the TV by 8, and just read or gaze over the internet for news.  I have to admit that TV hasn't improved much in fifteen years.  It's just about the same.

Slurpee King

Thanks CBS. They finally did some real research and determined that the President has allured to Slurpees and Republicans on twenty different political speeches over the past two months.

I thought this was very observant and must indicate something.  Typically....in this usage....the Republicans are always sipping Slurpees in some fashion....while hard-working Americans (mostly Democrats) are usually in some ditch.

The typical start-up of a Slurpee moment?

"We're down there. It's hot. We were sweating. Bugs everywhere. We're down there pushing, pushing, pushing on the car. Every once in a while we'd look up and see the Republicans standing there. They're just standing there fanning themselves -- sipping on a Slurpee."

After that, there are twenty odd ways that the speech can change slightly.  I sat there for a while.  I'm a Slurpee fan....and personally...it bothers me to a degree when the President starts up a Slurpee moment.  I thought about the various moments that haven't been described yet.

First, We're down there. It's hot. We ought to be sweating but we were mostly drinking lots of Pabst Blue Ribbon. There's bugs everywhere.  We're down there pushing, pushing, pushing on this golf cart.  Every once in a while we'd look up and see the Republicans standing there. They're just standing there fanning themselves -- sipping on a Slurpee.  They should have drunk the Pabst like us....and gone off in the ditch with the cart, but they were standing by the ninth green.  They were out there discussing economic and border issues.  They've started taking pictures of us, with the Pabst in our hand and the cart in the ditch.  We aren't sure, but we think the golf course won't be allowing us back on the green, ever again.

 We're down there. It's hot. We ought to be sweating but we were mostly drinking lots of Fresca. There's bugs everywhere...mostly flys.  We're down there pushing, pushing, pushing on this John Deere tractor.  Every once in a while we'd look up and see the Republicans standing there. They're just standing there fanning themselves -- sipping on a Slurpee.  They should have drunk the Fresca like us.  To be honest, we mixed vodka with the Fresca and smoked a joint or two on the 3rd trip around the field.  Our dog has fleas, our girlfriend Marla is hosting a aluminium siding salesman at the trailer, our septic tank is about to overflow, and all we can see is some Republican drinking a Slurpee on a hot afternoon right before he pulls our tractor out with a chain, dusts our dog for fleas, and fixes us up a date with a new trailer park hottie who really cares for Fresca/Vodka guys.

There, we're down there. It's hot. We ought to be sweating but we were mostly drinking lots of fruit juice. There's bugs everywhere...mostly because the county is broke and can't spray for mosquitoes because they had to pay all the county employees bonus money they didn't have.  We're down there pushing, pushing, pushing on this school-bus.  Every once in a while we'd look up and see the Republicans standing there. They're just standing there fanning themselves -- sipping on a Slurpee.  They'd like to pass on by and just let us sit there in the ditch, but they were in this spot before.  They remember how bad the ditch was, and how long they had to sit in the same ditch.  They've called for a tow truck...they've brought up folks with vans to take kids home....and they've offered everyone Slurpees from the local store, free of charge.  There was no one else there anyway to help us. They kept murmuring about some 'golden rule' but we don't remember much.

We're down there. It's hot. We ought to be sweating but we had expensive Canadian glacier water that we'd brought from the fancy coffee shop in Nashville.  There's bugs everywhere.  We're down there pushing, pushing, pushing on this airplane.  Every once in a while we'd look up and see the Republicans standing there. They're just standing there fanning themselves -- sipping on a Slurpee.  They've come to ask questions about how we could run out of fuel or miss the runway by six miles.  They'd like answers but we'd rather just not think about lack of planning, poor coordination, or no real basic knowledge over flight operations.  Yeah, we admit we screwed up but we didn't care to hear about it from a bunch of Republican Slurpee drinkers.

We're down there. It's hot. We ought to be sweating but we were mostly drinking lots of water from our canteens.  There's Iraqi bugs everywhere.  We're down there pushing, pushing, pushing on this tank.  Every once in a while we'd look up and see the Republicans standing there. They're just standing there fanning themselves -- sipping on an imaginary Slurpee.  Everyone has imaginary Slurpees because we've got no damn 7-11 or anything within 2,000 miles.  To be honest, we'd really like to have that imaginary Slurpee right now ourselves, but we took that curve too short, and flipped the tank into the ditch.  Eventually, some guy.....who's not a Republican or Democrat came along.  He says he's from Alaska.  He looks at both of us folks and then at the tank.   He wants answers....but none of us will offer much of anything.  He pulls out a bottle of Lipton Ice Tea and sips long and hard on it.  He's disgusted with both of us and is pretty angry.  He says he wants us out of the ditch....out of trouble....and going somewhere positive, in a hurry.  He doesn't care which of us pushes harder on the tank....but he wants things fixed.  We tell the Lipton guy off.  He won't back off though.  He says he owns the tank as much as we do, and he ain't going to leave it in the ditch.  I think we've got trouble.

Frankly, I'm Slurpeed-out.  I think if this is the best you can do....is "Slurpee" some folks....you got issues.  Get on and start avoiding the ditches.  If you go into ditch....don't worry about the idiots around the ditch....just get yourself and your vehicle out.  Life is short, and the longer you sit in the ditch....the worse things get.