Thursday, 11 August 2011

Baptists and Tasers

This is what we know.  Down in Saint Elmo, Alabama....the cops got called out to the local Baptist Church.  To be honest.....this was at the New Welcome Baptist Church.  It's not a familiar name, but I'm guessing that they practice mostly Baptist traditions and incoporate a few new things.

What the cops ended up finding....here was the church minister....all tased up and some older gal who'd been cut on the arm.  In Bama....this is a pretty dire situation when cops get called to a Baptist Church.

The best we can say.....somewhere after the Sunday service.....things went out of control.  The minister had decided that the music director was not the kind of guy he wanted working for the church.  So there was notice given after the service, and the music director....Simone Moore....got fairly riled up.

Simon is apparently a locally known  R and B musician and he had run for the US Senate (unsuccessfully).  Simon took things personal when told he was fired....and then pulled out a taser.  Things got heated up....so one of the deacons (Harvey Hunt) pulled out a pocket knife to let Simon know that when you come to a fight.....tasers are mostly for wussies and knives for real men.  Sadly, Simon's mother was attending services reached up to protect her son....and got jabbed with the knife.

All total....six folks got hurt....none seriously.

Presently, both Simon and the deacon are the ones in a fair amount of trouble.  Typically in Bama, the next Sunday will be this occasion where the minister asks everyone to pray for the deacon and just kinda skip over Simon's situation.  I'm guessing neither Simon, his mama, or any of their relatives will ever attend this church again.

From my prospective....the best question to ask....is it really necessary to carry a taser to church, or a fair-sized knife?  I'm asking this because most of us guys who've all attended some service at a church....all get fairly bored.

I can just see this episode developing....where Gus is sitting in the back pew....bored....and he pulls out his fancy new taser to check things out, and accidentally presses the on-button and gives himself a couple hundred watts of juice....falls out on the aisle floor.  The minister seeing this....naturally in a Baptist Church....yells out that Satan is amongst you folks....trying to bring harm.  A dozen folks will want to run and confess something that it'd be better off not confessing.

Meanwhile, Denny, buddy of Gus, is trying to pick up the tasered guy and just lay him flat on the pew until he comes around.....hoping that no one figures out how stupid Gus really was.

Only in America.

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