Tuesday, 4 January 2011

$330 Million

Our local lotto is up to $330 million.  That means....should you win....you could opt for the $165 million in cash. Course, then you'd have to give $40 million to the IRS folks, and you'd likely walk away with $125 million.

It's hard to ponder a life where you wake up and you have $125 million in your hands.  Guys go through fantasy in their mind....how to spend it....how to hide it from the wife....how to double it in three years with help from a fancy New York investor guy....and how to buy property in Aruba.

I'd like to think that I could take the money and actually handle the investment part myself.  I'd prefer to keep as few people around in the helping process because of a lack of trust.

Cars?  Yeah, I'd probably buy a dozen but then you'd just issues over which to drive today and how to monitor oil changes.  So I'd be better off with just two or three cars.

Houses?  Well....it'd be nice to have five houses but frankly I'd probably own a regular house somewhere with a mountain view and have a condo in Vegas (to spend more time watching those chimp acts and Nudes on Ice).

Suits?  Yeah, I guess I'd actually go out and have a couple of Italian-made suites made up....to go along with my $50 easy-slip-on Hush Puppy loafers.  

I'm probably not the right guy for the $120-odd million because I just wouldn't spend it the right way.  And I'd probably accidentally turn it into $500 million within ten years.  Heck, I might even waste it on a Pizza Hut franchise or give it to some political party.

End of Times

It was a news story that started out as a curious item....maybe around 2,000 birds (mostly blackbirds) that were dead and on the ground in Arkansas.  Then they started adding them up, and it turned into 5,000.   All within a one-mile area.

Then someone came up to notice that there were tons of dead fish in the region as well.  Drum fish.....apparently near 100,000 total.  This was spotted about one hundred miles away from the bird location.

The smart guys are talking about two separate episodes that have no relationship.  A fireworks type explosion of a massive nature may have startled the blackbirds and caused them to fly into each other....if they were all around one structure.

The fish?  Well....some guys have suggested some kind of dumping along the river.  Tests are being conducted on the water.

Naturally, some Arkansas folks with Bibles....pulled them out and started to quote from Revelations.  There's a piece amongst all the texts of Revelations that hints of dead fish and dead birds.  Discussion groups have now started up and folks are talking of 2011 being a significant year for God and the end of time.  I would imagine some TV ministers are studying this and will likely feature this on their money collection efforts....talking up dead birds and dead fish.

I have three observations to make over the episode.

First, no one has yet to connect the two events and I seriously doubt it's anything more than luck.  Some idiot dumped some trash in the river from the meth lab and probably killed the fish.  Some idiot created a homemade bomb for New Year's celebration....and really upset the natural takeoff of the blackbirds.  End of the story.

Second, it'll take a month for scientists to come up and establish facts.....but they will eventually accomplish that.  There will be five or six college kids dissecting a thousand blackbirds for Professor Marvin.....and he'll write a forty-page paper on the episode that would likely make you weep from scientific jargon.

Third, you can take just about anything from Revelations and turn it into the end of the world.  It's a chapter of the Bible that one could almost see being written by some guy on LSD.  In fact, you have to wonder about the management crowd of the Bible when they made the decision about which books to leave in the Bible and which to toss out.  To arrange this and have it at the very end....is almost like some modern-day writing staff who wants a thrilling end to a book.  Naturally, the fact that nothing really makes sense out of Revelations....doesn't bother anyone.

It's a nifty way to start a new year.....and if you do start to notice all your cows pointed in the same direction on your drive around the field....then there's likely a chapter in Revelations to cover cow directions as well....and we might be at the end of our times.  Well....maybe.