Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Strange Things in Auburn History

It came as a shock to Auburn football fans today.  The story goes....back over twenty years ago....Auburn had this football coach named Pat Dye.  Pat offered up this football scholarship to Princess Di as Prince William was born.  It was on official Auburn letterhead and very straightforward.  Prince William would be having a chance....at age eighteen (from that day forward, eighteen years), to play for Auburn.  The royal palace sent a thank-you note.

So you can imagine this unique scenario playing out.  At age 13.....the Queen could have brought in a trainer quietly and secretly from America....to train Prince William and put some bulk on the kid.  Months would have passed secretly....as William had a dozen other retired NFL players show up and teach him every trick in the book.

So as this scenario would have played out.....at eighteen....Prince William would have shown up at Auburn...presented his paperwork, and they would have been forced to cooperate with Pat Dye's offer.

Weeks would have passed as Prince William went through the rookie red-shirt period.  By sophomore year, he'd been playing halfback, and getting fifty yards a game.

At some point, he would have carried the team onto a national championship and made Brits literally weep as they watched him carry Auburn to win after win.  Sitting off in the corner of the state....would have been the Alabama recruiters....kicking themselves because they screwed up and didn't recruit the kid.  And as the final seconds tick away at the national championship....out of the shadows would have stepped the Queen into the stadium.  A hush would have come over the crowd.  The Prince would take this last moment of inspiration to kick ass over Oklahoma State, and win the game.

At that moment.....the folks of Bama would have stood up and declared themselves a part of the monarchy and forever sworn allegiance to accept the Queen as the one and only leader of Bama.

Yes, it could have been this way.....maybe.

America on the Verge of Something

It was an odd moment.  The President stood up today and announced that the US will produce an additional 10,000 engineers over the next four years.  That's ten thousand more than what we were planning to graduate or need right now today.

So I sat there....kinda curious.  If you trained 10k more punks to be engineers...and in four years they graduate...they'd expect to find engineering jobs.

If these ten thousand engineering jobs don't exist today.....who will hire Johnny Junior or Mandy in four years? The only answer? The US government. Who would pay for their salaries? The US tax payer. And what would they research that we aren't already researching in the private sector? Hmmmm....that might be a curious question.

Course, any moment now....the President might announce that we will train 30,000 beauticians over the next five years as well.  That would likely make just as much sense.  Maybe we'll train 50,000 additional septic tank experts as well.

By 2016, we might have a whole nation of experts in something....mostly all unemployed or working for the government.  Something tells me that this is a bit screwed up.  But it never hurts to have a extra hand around to dig up septic tanks....that's my humble view.

Humbly from Bama

"Shovel-ready was not as ... uh .. shovel-ready as we expected."

-- Quote by President Obama today at some press conference.


Frankly, with the exception of the Pentagon construction in 1943....there's never been a shovel ready project like folks meant in this case.  It's like saying you're about to have a bowel-movement-ready situation, and then discovering everything ready except the lack of toilet paper which Aunt Vera forgot to buy at Piggy Wiggly today.  It's crap....literally....from that point on.

And the sad thing?  This sounds like something that George Bush would say....two years into his Presidency.