Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Twenty Simple Lessons in Life

I will occasionally dispense advice via this blog.....so this is my twenty simple lessons that might be beneficial to some punk kid just wanting a moment of wisdom.

1.  Every penny that you toss toward an apartment rental contract....is a dollar in relationship to what you could have had via a mortgage deal and your own house.

2.  Sadly, most everything you need to know in life....occurs by the end of the tenth grade.

3.  I realize that a Honda Civic doesn't have any lust, any 5-star ornaments, or sparkle....but if you wanted a car from a new car sales lot that would last ten years and probably not cost you more than $2k on maintenance costs over ten years....then it's the best car in America.

4.  The difference in knowledge gain via four years at Harvard or four years at Mississippi State?  Zero.  The difference in cost?  Over $80k.

5.  Politicians will openly lie to you....steal from you....and travel to Paris, France on your tax money.  And if you accept them as your Facebook friends....they might even send a picture of their private parts.

6.  If you took a marker and pulled out an Atlanta Constitution newspaper....and just marked what was "fact-comments" only on the first sixteen pages.  You'd notice that it'd be barely enough to put on one page.  So roughly fifteen pages are mostly opinion or perceived comments.  That's what you pay for.

7.  If you had taken a guy out in 1920, and suggested that you could bulk-buy a whole pallet of dog food, and save half the normal costs.....he'd just look at you and why would you want to buy a whole pallet.  That's how much we've changed in 90 years.

8.  If you asked any Sheriff of any town in Bama how many folks from his deputy staff that he drug-tests each year....he'd just look at you.  He might grin....but he won't answer that because he'd never dare drug-test his guys....cause mostly half would fail.  And they are the ones enforcing the drug laws of the state.

9.  If you went to Walgreens back in 1966....they had maybe two types of laxative that you could take.  Today?  There's at least thirty types of laxative....some of which comes in cherry or lime-flavored.  Has this vast growth really improved anything?  No....it all still comes out the same way, and just as quick.

10.  In the 1960s.....most folks were willing to drink freeze-dried coffee and that was enough to make them happy....even though it didn't have much of a taste.  Today, these same folks absolutely must have some gourmet-type coffee, which costs $3.50 a cup....and came from virgin-ladies who live on some island in the Pacific Ocean.  And these folks would travel an extra five miles to get that fancy cup of coffee.

11.  Among all the things in life that you can ask for today....is Fiji Water.  They will ship it to your front door for $115 (four cases with a set of golf balls, the Father's Day special).  Why would you sip Fiji Water?  I can't really say.  We've reached a point where you've got too much money, and taken up some odd habit of drinking foreign water.  And strangely enough.....you haven't even walked on Fiji in your life.

12.  The harder you try to volunteer and get on some jury....the more likely they will knock you from the selection group.  If you want jury duty and the honor....act stupid, dim-witted, and talk about what you saw on Oprah's show from last week.

13.  Don't raise your expectations by attending a twentieth year high-school reunion.  Only half the folks will attend, and you might end up leaving early because you actually turned into a huge success....only because most other folks still work at Piggly Wiggly, change oil at the lube shop, and make custom-made fake jewelry 

14.  The cost of making a "safe-room" in your house to protect you from a tornado?  Usually less than $1,500.  Yet most folks will look at the cost and still say no.  The plain truth?  When the day finally comes and you got that tornado about 300 feet away from the house....you will pause and wonder why you were so stingy with your money.

15.  As you sit there and ponder over the 200-channel option or the 300-channel option with the satellite TV guy....just remember, most folks got by up until the 1980s....with just four local channels (one of them was the educational channel).  Is your life really demanding those 200 channels?

16.  There is nothing better on a hot summer afternoon....than a cup of crushed ice....ice tea....and a freshly squeezed half-lemon toss into it.

17.  If you took a poll....less than half of Americans have ever been to a city-hall meeting.  Before the 1990s....it was probably less than ten percent.

18.  A guy with five acres of property....can grow all the food he'd ever need....to include the beef, pork, & chicken.  Toss in the garden.  Toss in a private 700-gallon tank of water with your own grown catfish...and you could sustain yourself and your family for less than $500 a year for sugar, coffee, and the essentials you can't grow (soap, whiskey, and Clorax).

19.  It's taken almost a hundred years now for political folks and IRS to write over 70k pages of tax code.  You have to wonder how it will be in another hundred years?

20.  The sad truth is that the best company managers in America...are mostly coaches who get people into position to deliver....coaching each step of the way.  In effect, these successful managers....have simply adapted football strategies, acted like Vince Lombardi, and put their people onto the field to act like the 1972 Miami Dolphins.  They give pep talks, strategy huddles, toss out a bad "player", and energize the team to win.  And the sadder truth....is that we really don't want to admit this in public.