Back in 2008, in the heat of the election period....I wrote 63 questions which I thought any guy running for President ought to answer. Frankly, these ought to be pulled out and used for the Republican guys running for President right now. My guess is that they'd prefer my questions stay hidden.
1. Can you name all fifty states and their capitals?
2. Explain the concept of the bill of rights.
3. Name any neighbor who borrowed stuff but never returned it.
4. Identify five presidents since 1900.
5. Are you saving energy by using twenty-two times the amount of power that a normal American family uses?
6. What should you do when bitten by a rattlesnake?
7. Who won WWI and WWII?
8. Isn't Brittney Spears the most beautiful woman in the world? (Yes or no only)
9. Should Lance Armstrong run the 2009 Tour de France?
10. Hank Williams or Elvis, who was better in the end?
11. The Pacer, was it the worst car ever made?
12. Should Zombies be declared authorized voters?
13. Should Brittney Spears play Joan of Arc for Mel Gibson?
14. Is Elvis truly dead?
15 If you made any public speeches....were any directed toward circus folks, dwarfs, Texans, or abstract art?
16. Have you ever been in Memphis, New Orleans, or St. Louis (negative points if you have)
17. Do you keep at least six guns in your house or car? (bonus points if yes)
18. Do you believe in Bigfoot, Loch Nessie and aliens? (bonus points if yes)
19. If you had to dig a septic tank, would you call a cousin or a neighbor for help?
20. Have you ever paid more than $19,999 for a car? Cite the model and brand if yes.
21. Would you pay $350k for a $240k house? (negative points if yes)
22. Would you toss out forty percent of your paycheck to cover a mortgage?
23. Would you buy a $300k house with only $30k in down payment?
24. Who was the best Bond?
25. Have you ever been in a Wal-Mart? (Negative points, if no)
26. Explain in detail any speech that Alan Greenspan has given (positive points, if you can't)
27. Where is Gitmo?
28. Show a 8x10 photo of any tatto on your body or your wife's body (in color please)
29. Provide all of the names of your dogs that you've owned since 1988.
30. Describe on a plain piece of paper your feelings toward Tonga.
31. Do you know anyone from Red Bay, Alabama?
32. Provide a listing of friendships and girlfriends, since 1978. Use red ink if they are former friends now.
33. Which weighs more? A ton of bananas or a ton of peanuts?
34. Which Star Trek commander would you prefer to be Janeway, Kirk or Picard?
35. Have you ever shopped QVC?
36. Have you ever watched wrestling?
37. Have you ever forgotten your wife's birthday?
39. If you lived in a dry county, would you honor the laws of that county?
40. If your minister was a nutcase, would you be willing to say that in public?
41. If a bunch of union cars and US car makers came up to you and asked for $50 billion...would you ask why they can't make cars that folks want or just hand them the $50 billion?
42. Does it bother you that the car union guys get $17 million a year in Viagra, which is built into the cost of every single car made?
43. Do you have a problem with burning leaves in October in your front yard?
44. Have you ever bought a mower that you felt very dissatisfied with?
45. If Tab was the only drink left on the face of the earth....would you accept it and drink it?
46. On a hot day...cold beer or cold wine cooler?
47. Whats your belt size?
48. Can you cook up your own breakfast?
49. If a bunch of Harvard/Princeton/Yale/Colombia business school graduates came to you and said they had bankrupted America...would you halt the entire business school program at these four universities?
50. How many times should a guy be allowed to vote on election day in America?
51. Do you know any hippies?
52. Do you mow your own grass?
53. Are there any true explanations to putting a septic tank in the front yard instead of the back yard?
54. Is Keith Olbermann of MSNBC a dope?
55. Give five good reasons why any guy should stay 30 years in the Senate.
56. Have you ever dated a deranged man or woman?
57. When was the last time you attended a county fair?
58. Do you know any women who wears a blouse a size too small?
59. If you needed help...who you would not call and why?
60. If you had to talk real personal to someone....would you do it on the front porch or the back porch?
61. Why do most Democrats take money from bankers and most Republicans from oil companies?
62. Can you point to Mongolia on the map?
63. Are you a forgiving kinda guy or a revengeful kind of guy?
The truth is that a guy who can answer all of these honestly.....ought to be the President....no matter what party he is stuck to. The sad thing is that most of my questions would be avoided at all costs.