The Old Military Worries

Today, it came out that an article appeared over several Air Force women, who were breastfeeding in public, while in uniform.  Naturally, this bothered a bunch of folks, and then made a bunch of folks all happy.  I looked at the picture, and figured I'd avoid using it.....because too many guys from Bama would freak out over such a picture.

After twenty-two years in the Air Force, I retired in 1999.  I've kinda been around the installations for the past thirteen years, and can attest to the fact that things just aren't like they were in 1977 when I joined.  There were typically ten big worries for a commander or the superintendent.

First, there was the worry that Airman Snuffy would show disrespect to the retreat ceremony at 4:30 PM each afternoon....while walking from the office to the dorm.  Typically, the disrespect meant that he just kept on walking when he was supposed to stop and salute.  Or, you'd have a case where Snuffy just stood there in uniform but wouldn't salute.  Or you'd have a case where Snuffy was pointing the wrong direction from where the base flagpole was located.  This would get Colonel Guffy and Sargent Peacock.....all disturbed.

Second, there was the worry that Airman Jones would be seen at the BX by Major Monty at 2:00 PM.  The Major would call up and report the Airman, who obviously was not at work, and screwing around.  This would disturb Colonel Guffy and Sargent Peacock terribly.  Course, they never bothered to ask Major Monty what the heck he was doing at the BX at 2:00 PM.

Third, there would be the episode where Airman Perkins was seen at the commissary with hair touching his ears.  Some retired NCO would call up Colonel Guffy and Sargeant Peacock, and they'd get all disturbed about his hair length.

Fourth, there would be lustful Airman Prince, who was seen with a military skirt that was higher than three inches above her knee.  Someone would call Colonel Guffy or Sargeant Peacock up.....getting both gentlemen to to pull out their tape-measure and check out the top of her knee to the actual hem of the dress.  She'd naturally grin at both guys as they were doing this.  Both gentlemen would argue over the extra half inch and if it was worth getting after her.

Fifth, there was always the guy who acquired a vast amount of wood paneling over the weekend and completely redid the walls to his barracks room in wood paneling (strictly illegal), and some dorm manager would inspect to discover this....then call up Colonel Guffy or Sargeant Peacock.....and there's be this fifteen minute viewing episode where they'd ask how he did all this....before they blasted him.

Sixth, there's the airman who bought a ultra-light at some sale with a busted motor.  He spends all weekend rebuilding the engine, and then ties the ultra-light up to the end of the barracks and runs the RPM up to maximum with forty people watching in disbelief at the ultra-light which might lift off at any moment.  Naturally, some idiot calls Colonel Guff or Sargent Peacock.....and there's some massive regulation that was broken in doing this repair out back of the barracks. (note: this actually did happen at Barksdale).

Seventh, there's Airman Vargas who is on his day off.....in the barracks while an inspection suddenly occurs. As the door flies open, there's some officer's wife in the Airman's bunk and in a state of undress.  Naturally, Colonel Guffy or Sargent Peacock get a call, and spend an hour trying to figure the fine details to this, and who the woman was.

Eighth, there's the drunken fight between three female airman on a Saturday night.....which starts from a argument over who stole one young ladies $10 panties from the dryer.  Colonel Guffy and Sargent Peacock both get called out and eventually discover that some male airman actually took the panties.

Ninth, both Colonel Guffy and Sargent Peacock get called out at 1AM on a Saturday night, where sixteen fire extinguishers were used in a massive barracks fight.  From everyone's memory....there's only six fire extinguishers in the entire building.....so there's this long night of trying to figure where the others came from.

Tenth and final.....Colonel Guffy and Sargent Peacock get called at 9:00 AM that twelve of the squadron's vehicles are at the back of the bowling alley on base.....with folks eating breakfast when they were supposed to be working.

In those days.....you got into real trouble.....for real stupid things.  Today?  Two woman at a bench on base, nursing babies, and Colonel Guffy and Sargent Peacock really lacking ambition to get involved in a mess like this.