Friday, 10 August 2012

A Barney To Protect Us

I had an associate come by my office yesterday….he’s Indian….real Bombay Indian….but not Sikh. He’s of the Hindu group, which is a ‘cousin’ of the Sikhs.

They kinda held a deacon’s meeting Wednesday night, which expanded out to include most of the men of the temple/church. The topic? That shooting from the weekend. By the time things came to an end with the discussion…..it was on the future agenda to make a decision about posting a guard and maybe taking more protective measures.

I offered some advice in this case…..that most churches in urban areas already take this type of measure, and there’s nothing wrong with that attitude. My suggestion was to find eight competent men and just have a listing of rules…..one guy is the armed guard and brings his own weapon into the church. Swap the guy out each week, and maybe take the eight guys out to some range to make sure they shoot forty rounds and feel good about it.

I asked if they would allow women as the ‘armed’ guards, and that kinda got a laugh from my Indian associate. Based on the comments, Indian women aren’t trusted to the degree of handling pistols or such.

So this all brings up this interesting topic….armed guys in church. Having lived in a rural atmosphere for my youth…..I can say that most rural folks handle a rifle or shotgun on a monthly basis. But pistols? Well…..I’m guessing most folks will admit that the last time they shot a pistol was 1998 when they bought the pistol, and they haven’t shot it since then.

Folks then to have disagreements in church. It’s not much to get worried about, but guys will argue over so-and-so taking their ex-wife out on a date, or some woman accusing another woman of hustling in on her husband, or some young guy getting upset about comments spoken about his car.

To be honest, just allowing one guy to tote a weapon in church would be acceptable, but letting everyone tote weapons….just might not be wise. Ministers? Well….Baptist ministers get animated at times, and I’d be afraid of a minister hitting his side once too often, and setting the pistol from safe to full fire, and firing a round into his foot. A bunch of cussing would then following…..disturbing folks that the minister did know those seven words not to repeat in mixed company.

Who do you deputize? Well…forget the Deacons. They are mostly guys in their sixties and prone to falling asleep. I’d toss out any guy who has dreams of becoming a policeman one day. I’d also toss out the guy who routinely does security guard work. I’d probably toss out the guy who drinks a good bit on Saturday night, and I probably wouldn’t want a guy who gets up upset about NCAA football. The truth is….there’s probably only two folks I’d probably trust and they'd be Nam Vets.

We’ve come to an unusual point in life. You need to think in a fashion that you simply aren’t used to. When you leave home in the morning…..stopping to fuel up, pick up coffee and donuts, wander around the office building for eight hours, then stop by Wendys for burgers going home, and stop by the drug store for foot-powder…..the odds are…..you met one crazy nut on medication during the day.

The odds of that one person on Meds going off their Meds for a week, and threatening you? Well….you just don’t know.

It could happen at the coffee shop. It could be the bosses secretary. It could be the gal at the gas station. It could be that blue tie you wore when walking into Wendys. Yep, things have changed. It’s best not to ask a lot of questions, and just devote six seconds of every minute to a 360-degree observation, and have some means of protection on you.

So here's the thing, don't be shocked to have some Barney Fife-character at your church.....armed up in the next month, with a pistol and one bullet.  He'll be the guy who practices fast draw situations outside the front door of the church, and listens into cop calls on his hidden radio set within the fancy suit he wears.  He'll eventually screw up and drop his gun.  It'll go off, scaring the "Jesus" out of the church, and everyone will hightail it out the side door to the woods and hide out for four hours....meanwhile Lester, the old guy on the back bench sleeps through the whole thing, and wakes up to a empty church...wondering if this is a Twilight Zone episode.  

Life ought to be simple.....but things have changed.

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