Sunday, 16 December 2012

License Paradise

I sat and watched a piece on CNN yesterday....which weighed heavily upon the idea of fixing America so no more mass shootings would occur.  So the license issue came up.  They actually found one gun-shop owner who agreed....if you own a car, you have to have a license...in order to operate it.  For about two minutes, they ran through this process.  You'd go and get training to be certified to handle a weapon.  You'd register at the county office.  You'd present this license when buying or trading weapons.  America would finally be safe, and the evil people would not be able to do anything evil.

I paused and pondered.

The real way that this would work in such a paradise then....is simple.

A license requirement is established by the federal government.  Naturally, you need a bureau in DC of seven hundred federal employees to run this.  Across the US?  Around 12k employees are hired and sworn in....to occupy every single county office in America (3,033 total counties).  Because of the huge amount of cost involved....there has to be a significant fee paid by the gun owners....to make this all work.

It's decided early on.....that you have to do an initial registration and entry, then two years later....visit to do an updated license.  The original registration?  It's $125.  The updates?  $24.  These are my humble guesses on the fee business, not that of the government.  To be honest....the fees will never be able to pay for all twelve thousand employees.  In the end, almost $300 million a year is thrown at the new agency, and this comes out of the nation's tax revenue bucket.

You visit the county office to find out the requirements.  Basically, you start with a $70 fee to open an license and have your background check run (figure a seven to fourteen day period).  After you pass that, then you go and attend a gun-training class which meets "national standards".  Strangely enough....it all fits into an eight-hour class.  Amazingly enough....almost every single gun shop in America now offers such a training class for $199.  After the class, you then get a note from your doctor to say you are in good health and sane, which costs another $75.

The training class?  You and Gus drive over at eight on a Saturday morning, and an instructor spends the first hour mostly telling stories about guys who accidentally shot a cousin, or shot their foot, or got shot by their wife (accidentally of course).

By the second hour.....you are into gun cleaning 101.  Somehow, the instructor is able to spend an entire hour covering the art of gun cleaning, but it should have taken eight minutes max.

In the third and fourth hour.....you get into gun safety.  You are shocked that ten simple rules take two hours.

You all break for lunch, and gulp down a beer at the sports bar across the street while eating up on chicken wings.  In fact....you have a second beer....while the instructor gulps down three beers.

You meet back at 1PM, and then comes the hands-on session where everyone fires six rounds from a rifle, a pistol and a shotgun.   The instructor signs your receipt around 3:30, and you drive home.  The passage rate for the class?  100 percent.  In fact, across the nation.....only twelve people are disqualified during the course during the first initial year.

Then comes this doctor business.  Well....some doctors start to admit that they feel uneasy because you take pain killers.  You have to shop around and eventually find some Doctor Hugo-character who signs anything....for a $100 fee.

Finally, you return to the county office and hand over the paperwork.  It takes the kind ladies there ten minutes to put all this info into the system....which triggers the final fee of $45.  Altogether?  You paid almost $425.  You feel a bit hostile about this.

A Congressman feels that it's not fair for such a burden, so he creates the tax credit for the whole mess.  You can deduct the $425 off your taxes.  Naturally....all the poor people in America aren't paying taxes, so they aren't getting this free.  It's the rich (evil rich) and the middle class that benefit from such a fee.  A Senator starts a hand-out fee of $425 for every poor person in America.  This adds up to $935 million in the first year.  By the time you figure the poor-guy deal, the tax credit, and the cost of starting this massive operation....there's almost $3 billion that has to be covered by loans from China.

Things seem great for about eight weeks into this program, but then a shooting occurs at a grocery in Tampa.  The President talks how the program will save America, when everyone is finally forced to be licensed.  Another shooting occurs nine weeks later.....same words.

As the first year passes and the registrations are counted....it's an odd thing.  There's only around sixty million Americans who registered.  They expected around one-hundred-fifty million.  Undercover operations reveal most gun-shops still sell ammo to folks without a license.  Gun-shop owners are arrested and some shops are shut down.

Eventually, around one-fifty-million Americans are now registered.  It's an odd thing though with the law.  Every single law enforcement officer is exempt from this, and every Senator and Congress is exempted.

Around eighteen months into the program....a mass shooting occurs in Del Rio, Texas.  The shooter?  He's a licensed gun owner.  A week later.....another licensed gun owner in Nashville shoots down five people at a Wendys.  By the end of the second full year.....the President admits that the license hasn't really done much....as most mass shootings are now done by licensed shooters.

So, now Congress comes around to a new angle to the license....there has to be a mental exam attached to the deal (Congress and the Senate are exempt from the mental exam....if you were wondering, as are all law enforcement folks).  The mental exam?  It has to be done by a licensed mental health guy and generally costs $288 for a two-hour exam.  Strangely enough.....99.9-percent of all applicants pass the mental exam.

Yes, you can license everyone....like you license them for a car, and how 15k people a year die from car accidents.  The license deal means little, in the real world.

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