Thursday, 6 December 2012

The Count

Amongst all the new regulations coming into effect in the spring of 2013....is a rule that says every single item on a restaurant menu....must have a calories count listed next to it.  For McDonalds or Wendys....it's a simple task.  They pay some smart science guys who huddle around a burger....and come to some conclusion of calories.  End of discussion.

Well.....you come over to Dominos Pizza, and there's a bit of a problem.  Today, the CEO came out to admit that Dominos has a huge issue.  There are 33 million varieties of pizza that they can serve.  The idea of them having a huge wall of calorie counts for 33 million variations of pizza....is just about impossible to imagine.

There's some meetings that Dominos will hold with the US government....trying to determine how they can meet their regulation deal.  The number of Dominos customers who might care about this?  Out of sixteen million folks who might buy a pizza regularly from them....I'm guessing 66 folks might actually care or be shocked over the calorie count.  The rest?  Frankly, they don't give a damn.

So this brings me to the small restaurants throughout America....especially in Bama.  Down at the Hank's Grill, the four-page menu is a problem.  Hank will stand there and admit that he doesn't a purely scientific method of calculating the calorie count.  His grilled ham and cheese sandwich is difficult to figure out.  That bit of Tabasco Sauce....then the pickle in the middle....and a bit of relish on the plate?  It might be 288 calories....maybe as few as 235 calories.  So he will estimate on this, and wait for some idiot to challenge him in court.

Does it make any difference on calorie count?  Well....some folks have taken up a lifestyle of counting every calorie and enthusiastically write this down each day.  They aim to stay under 1500 calories for 365 days out of the year.  To do that....they need people to cooperate with their system.  The rest of us?  Frankly, we don't give a damn.

Eventually, the regulation business will touch county fairs and even community bar-b-q's.  You will stand there at the fair and discover that corn-dog that you've been eating every year for forty-four years.....is almost 295 calories (without the mustard).  Or that roll of honey on a stick is almost 600 calories.  Or that can of beef stew you bought at the community picnic grounds is loaded with 750 calories in one XXL bowl.

Maybe it's best that we just don't know.

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