Thursday, 24 May 2012

Your Einstein Team

Based on the reality of Washington and our current political agenda…..

If your car’s transmission was all screwed up….you’d best call a Senator and have him organize a committee to figure out why it was screwed up, who to blame, and to chat about it for half an hour on Sunday with two dimwits from CNN.

If your washing machine was broke….you’d best call a Senator and him organize a committee to figure out why it was screwed up, who to blame, and to chat about it for half an hour on Monday night with an idiot from CBS news.

If your septic tank is overfilled…. you’d best call a Senator and him organize a committee to figure out why it was full up, who to blame, and to chat about it for half an hour on Tuesday night with an idiot from ABC news.

If your dog was foaming at the mouth…. you’d best call a Senator and him organize a committee to figure out why Spike was foaming, who to blame, and to chat about it for half an hour on Tuesday night with an idiot from MSNBC news.

If your garden was being raided by rabbits and deer…. you’d best call a Senator and him organize a committee to figure out why it was screwed up, who to blame, and to chat about it for half an hour on Wednesday night with an idiot from NBC news.

If your kid was in a math class at school, with a teacher as stupid as a brick…. you’d best call a Senator and him organize a committee to figure out why idiot teachers are in the school, who to blame, and to chat about it for half an hour on Thursday night with an idiot from USA Today.

If your dentist mistakenly yanked the wrong tooth during surgery today…. you’d best call a Senator and him organize a committee to figure out why the dentist was screwed up, who to blame, and to chat about it for half an hour on Friday night with an idiot from the AP.

If your Uncle Karl went nuts and spray-painted your garage with pink paint…. you’d best call a Senator and him organize a committee to figure out why Uncle Karl was that crazy, who to blame, and to chat about it for half an hour on Saturday night with an idiot from Fox news.

Finally, if the NCAA did screw up and not invite Bama or Auburn to the NCAA championship game…..well…. you’d best call a Senator and him organize a committee to figure out why the NCAA bowl process is so screwed up, who to blame, and to chat about it for half an hour on Saturday evening with ESPN folks.

The sad thing is…..there’s just nothing that a Senator can’t do….after you think about this for a while. We ought to have forty thousand Senators instead of just a mere 100.

Three Billion?

The New York Yankees are apparently up for sale.....reportedly for $3 billion.  I'm guessing because  of impending tax issues in the next year....now is the time for the family who owns the Yankees....to cough up a sale and profit off this.

Who buys into this type of situation?  Well....I doubt if any one mortal could afford more than $500 million.....so it's probably one minor guy who partners up with a syndicate of sorts (maybe sixty guys).  If you were holding onto $30 million.....with a chance to get favored seats or a skybox at the stadium....then this just might be the deal of your life....being a minor partner.

But there's other thing to ponder.  2012, the price is $3 billion.  What happens by 2030?  Will the Yankees be worth twenty-five billion?   You could almost buy the entire country of Bolivia for that much money.  And here I'm suggesting that the New York Yankees might be worth that.

The Rest of the US Airways Story

It took another day or so....for the story to fully conclude on that US Airways flight story that I blogged two days ago.  It becomes a kind of comical episode.

The Cameroon gal, who ended up being described as "full-figured, light-skinned, and hair down to the waist" got into some kind of conversation with a stewardess.  It's hard to imagine how this chat starts, but the Cameroon gal ends up talking about a personal body condition....where something in her body is totally out of control, thus hinting that it's a surgically-implanted device....although this was never clear.

Now, if you are a liberal-minded guy, and have traveled outside of the rural south.....you know how some ladies will start talking about bodily functions in a way that would make a Baptist minister kinda upset.  I'm guessing that the Stewardess started taking this conversation in a totally different way.

So at this point....they want to isolate the woman from the folks in the plane.  The pilot ends up asking if there are any doctors onboard.  Typically, you dentist folks can raise your hand.....and even veterinarians can also come forward (just don't say much and refer to yourself as "Doc").

You can imagine this little group of two or three guys who gather in the back.  They might have all been foot doctors on their way to some convention in North Carolina for what we know.  So they come up to the stewardess who relates this story of the device in this passenger's body....which is "totally out of control".

The doctors are all confused.  There just ain't no scars on this Cameroon gal's body.  You can't have a surgically-implanted device in someone....without a scar, unless it's some kind of birth-control device.  Course, they don't mention this idea at the time.

By this point, pilot-Joe is all sweaty and upset in the front of the plane.  He can handle about forty issues an hour, but if you toss in some Cameroon-gal, with a potential threat.....that's a lot of pressure.  So pilot-Joe makes the decision and lands.

The TSA guys now admit, in court.....there just wasn't any threat.  So the best anyone can advise the judge here.....is to send this woman out of the US....back to France.  The crime?  Well....if you stand around and think about this....there just isn't much of anything to get arrested for, or worried about.  I would advise women....to avoid discussing things within their body, which appear to be "out of control".  


A Fly Problem

This was an odd news item which a guy from Bama would appreciate in some fashion.

The folks in charge of public bathrooms in Beijing, China.....the Municipal Commission of City Administration and Environment.....issued out a new directive this week.  It's considered a new new and improve standard for the public.

Basically, when they come around.....inspecting....there should be no mroe than two flys in any stall at the restroom.

Naturally, this got folks in Beijing kinda peppy.....wondering exactly how this would be enforced and if it meant more inspectors would be coming around.  Then the topic came to how they'd count the flys in the stall.  The response from the government has been kind of limited.  They didn't want to admit this was quantitative or absolutely by the book.

Obviously, bathroom flys are bothering folks in China, and it got to the attention of the government folks.

So I sat and pondered over this story.  In Bama, we have this odd fly problem as well.  We tend to utilize various some scientific-type items to limit our fly problem.  A roll here, a roll there, and pretty soon....there just ain't no flys.

Would folks in Bama issue out state rules over this kind of situation?  Well...if it came down to the point where you had sixty flys permanently appearing in some bathroom at some school, and this was documented.....I suspect that we'd start up a rule like this too.  A fly inspector?  Well....yeah, we'd probably appoint some guy in the county.....as fly inspector...give him a pick-up and a clipboard....and just him roam around inspecting public bathrooms.  I admit, there's not much future in a job like this and you pretty will stay in the same line of work for the next thirty years....waiting on retirement from the state.

So this gets me back to the China situation and possible fly inspectors.  I think they have the same problem....too many guys with no job, talent or skills, and you gotta make up a job....to pay them for something.  So you hire up your cousin Hunung and deputize him as the local county fly inspector....give him a pick-up and clipboard....and just let him inspect.  Doesn't matter if you have a problem or not.....it's the philosophy of keeping your cousin employed at something.  Just my humble opinion.