Thursday, 14 June 2012

The Fifth Grade Dilemma

Up in Onalaska, Washington....the local school got itself into hot water.  The state requires all fifth graders to get a dose of sexual education.  So in the last week....the Principal came down and briefed the kids in the fifth grade on lusty affairs.  It was supposed to stop at intercourse, thus allowing everyone to understand the evils of getting pregnant at fifteen.

Well....at the end of regular information....some kid asked if there were other methods to sex....other than intercourse.  Naturally, the Principal (a lady) goes off into detail about oral and anal.  The fifth graders rush home to inform the parents about this....probably in hopes of showing them something that they don't know.  I'd guess somewhere along the way, they informed the sixth graders....who knew nothing about this.  And they probably even discussed the situation with the bus driver on the way home.

As you can imagine....parents are visibly upset, and demanding action.  This is just way too information for a fifth grader to comprehend.

I sat and pondered over this.  Out of my old fifth grade in Alabama.....if this had occurred and the Principal had even started to say something....old Ms Barnett would have picked up the wooden paddle and whacked the Principal by the head.  She would have made every single effort to protect the innocence and naive nature of every Bama kid in that room.

For some reason, I envision this turning into a Southpark episode, where most kids yawn after being told the second and third methods of sex.....then Cartman would have stood up and announced there was a fourth method.....detailing something involving aliens, Manbearpig (the Al Gore creature), the use of peanut butter, and scenes from some 1977 Love Boat episode. The rest of the day would have involved hundreds of people walking around town in a daze.....trying to imagine Cartman's fourth method.

The sad thing here.....is you always have one loose cannon in a classroom.  So one punk kid wants to drag the conversation out to outer edges, and open the potential for more juicy stuff to be discussed.  The Principal was stupid enough not to stand there and just admit there's one one method in life.....and just lie.