Thursday, 2 August 2012

Fake World

There's a difference between a real world and a fake world.

In a fake world....you can be a loser of a company, moving toward failure, and no company like Bain Capital will come to your door to save you....the boss just locks the gate and you get a slip saying today is absolutely the last day of operation....go home early.

In a fake world.....you can make the best pizza or chicken in the world, but because you are pro-Israel, anti-gay, pro-Muslim, anti-rap, pro-wiccan, anti-Texan, pro-Wal-Mart, anti-coffee, pro-global warming, anti-Fox News, pro-Senator Reid, anti-Tea Party, pro-silky underwear, anti-wallpaper....then you can't consume that great pizza or chicken.  So you publicly cross off three hundred different stores, restaurants, or things that you won't be concerned about.

In a fake world.....you watch Jon Stewart on the Comedy Channel for a realistic view of the world and the news of the day.

In a fake world.....you watch forty hours of C-SP*N a week and claim to be an expert on twenty-eight different national topics.

In a fake world.....you voice support for gun control, but admit privately that you are scared to death of driving around after dark in your local town.

In a fake world....only the rich ought to be paying taxes.

In a fake world....you trust the NCAA never to make a mistake.

In a fake world....you really do care about sugar, sodium, color ingredients, nicotine, caffeine, and sixty-four different health aspects of life, and would never do anything to harm your body.

In a fake world.....there's logic in assuming $75k in government/bank loans at age twenty-one, after finishing a degree in media art, French literature, or women's studies.

In a fake world....you absolutely believe in global warming, global cooling, and climate change.....yet, you won't give up flying, your car, disconnect yourself from the power grid, or live a Mennonite-lifestyle.

In a fake world....you absolutely believe in Saturday delivery of your mail, but you admit privately that you can't remember anything delivered being worthily of Saturday delivery from the past five years.

In a fake world....that Matt Lauer guy from the Today Show is absolutely brilliant and ought to be on Sixty Minutes.

In a fake world....that Katie Couric from CBS was absolutely brilliant on the nightly news, but you kinda admit you stopped watching CBS nightly news two months after she started working at CBS.

In a fake world....the Tea Party is an actual political party, and you are told this constantly by the MSNBC news analysts.

In a fake world....you really talk up train travel, but in private, you admit you haven't been on a train in your life.

In a fake world....you live in a dry country and often comment on the positive virtues of such a wonderful atmosphere, but privately, you admit that you've bought cases of Jack Daniels across the county line, and sipped Margaritas on the back porch away from public view on really hot days.

Sadly, we live in mostly a fake world, and only occasionally allow some sunlight to appear over the shadows.

The $3k Question

Congress got around to grilling the GSA folks today in DC.  The thing is....this week....down in Nashville at the Gaylord Opryland resort hotel....there's a GSA conference.

Naturally, this conference involves money and is drumming up a huge amount of Congressional interest.  At some point, someone bought up the fact that there is a Presidential Suite at the Opryland resort hotel, and it's being rented...at $3k per night.

This got Congress all peppered up and they wanted the GSA boss to say who it was in the Presidential Suite at the Opryland hotel.  Well....the gal from GSA just didn't know.  You could tell that she'd like to say no one from GSA was at the $3k room.....but she couldn't say that.

So you can imagine this scene tonight at the Gaylord resort in Nashville.  Some GSA dude is standing at the front desk and asking Ms Stephanie or Mr Gus.....who is in the $3k Presidential Suite.....and hotel management just doesn't want to say.  This GSA dude would then walk up to the room and knock on the door.

Then you have two scenarios to occur.

The GSA guy renting the room....just won't answer, and hopes the government rep just goes away.

Or, some fancy-pants governor from Alabama or Arkansas opens the door with his hot lusty girlfriend, and suddenly gets pictures taken of himself at the swanky Presidential Suite and wondering who the heck is bothering him while he's on a secretive liaison.

I'm guessing the Gaylord resort management guys are pretty upset by the negative press, and wondering how they got into all this trouble.

Meanwhile, back in Bama....some guys are sitting around and wondering what exactly you get with the $3k Presidential Suite, and if that hot lusty premium "Channel X" cable station is offered free in this room, and if you get a free complimentary six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Note: there are 6k rooms at the Gaylord hotel in Nashville....so you'd wonder how Congress knows about the status of the Presidential suite on one particular evening.  We may need another congressional hearing....to find out the methods of hotel analysis being done by Congressmen.