Thursday, 4 April 2013

The Austin - North Korea Conflict

It kinda reads like a comedy.

North Korea in recent days....has put up a map of where they intend to target the US....when war finally starts up.  Among the standard targets you expect (DC, naturally), they've also selected San Diego, and Austin, Texas.

Naturally, folks in Austin woke up and are a bit shocked.  They just never did expect to be targeted by anyone except mostly right-wing or Republican political candidates.

So far, they haven't gotten any words directly out of North Korea....on why Austin had to be selected.  I'm assuming that someone in the North Korea government possibly went through Austin long ago.  They probably had some drunken episode downtown, got trashed by local Texas ladies, and have decided on the list of possible targets....to put Austin on the list.  Or maybe it was just dumb luck...with Austin picked at random.

What should you do if you live in Austin?  First, you need to pull out the map and eyeball North Korea.  Measure the miles.  Then start to consider the amount of technology that it takes to launch missiles and ask yourself if you worry much about Burma, Poland, or Peru launching attacks against Austin?  Your answer ought to be....no, you might worry about Wal-Mart invading Austin in droves....but generally, you just don't have many invaders there.

So you move on.  Let's say that sequestration did cause a slightly weaker military and one little missile gets through our defense....because it was on a furlough day.  Well...it might hit on the west part of Austin, and most of you real Austin folks won't care.  A direct hit in the center of town....near the bar district would be troubling and difficult to recover from.  But from that distance, you just can't expect accuracy to be that great.

Should you lay in a supply of beef jerky, beer, and bottled water?  If I were Wal-Mart, I'd offer up "invasion-sales" and give a ten-percent discount for bulk purchase.  You could probably get an extra million in purchases easily within a week.  A guy ought to have a fourteen day supply of beer always on hand, and enough toilet paper to survive an entire month if necessary.

Sending an envoy from Austin to North Korea?  Well....sending Willie Nelson might be an interesting angle.  Maybe Willie could talk to the North Koreans, and get them hooked on the idea of hitting Waco or Dallas....ahead of Austin.  Maybe mention up the music industry in Austin, and how folks in North Korea would harm progressive country music.

Finally, to be truthful....if there ever was a time for Austin to break off and become part of Mexico....this is the moment.  Just send over a couple of maps....detailing the fact that Austin is now a state within Mexico, and how Mexico is a good friend of North Korea.  This all might be believed.  Even folks in Austin might start believing this.

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