Tuesday, 29 October 2013

The NSA and Tonga (A Parody)

In a fit of anger, the King of Tonga.....Tupou VI.....acted quickly on Tuesday.....demanding the US ambassador to Tonga come and have urgent talks.

It'd come to the King's attention that the NSA had not been collecting on his emails or phonecalls....like other countries (Spain, Germany, France, Italy, Greece, etc).  The king rattled on for an hour....about the lack of spying on Tonga.

The US ambassador finally agreed....that there ought to be some spying.....but he didn't know to what extent.

The King....seeing an opening....suggested that a group of three hundred NSA personnel ought to be required in Tonga to properly manage the spying apparatus there in the country.  They'd have to be paid a particularly high housing amount.....which would relate to more expensive houses being built in Tonga.

The US ambassador was a bit disturbed about this part of the deal....confessing that normally....most of the NSA folks resided in Virginia or Maryland.  This would not do....confided the King of Tonga.  They'd have to be living in Tonga....to experience the true picture of spying on a foreign land.  This would include eating Tonga food, drinking Tonga booze, and paying Tonga taxes.

Back and forth, for six hours this conversation went.

Finally, there was some agreement....just to continue the discussion later in the week.  The US ambassador agreed to bring in some NSA representative to help conduct these talks, and the King promised a dinner....fit for a king.

All of this.....was of course....reported by the Chinese....who are already spying on Tonga and the Americans.  Hu Wang sat in his Tonga villa.....amazed that he was already well established and no NSA operation existed on Tonga.

At the end of the day, Hu Wang sent his full report on the Tonga request for NSA reporting back to China.  Of course, this was monitored by the French secret service, and quietly reported back to France.

The French report?  Well....it was quietly seen also by the German BND, and the Russians.

A week later.....two thousand various intelligence collection folks flew into Tonga and began major surveillance operations.....pumping in $40 million a month into the Tonga empire.

The King was eternally happy over the vast change of economic fortune, and personally sent a bottle of wine to that Snowden guy for the idea to get surveillance economics brought into Tonga.

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