Wednesday, 11 December 2013

NSA and World of Warcraft (A Parody)

NSA's General Joe is getting his daily intelligence briefing from Captain Snuffy, with Colonel Mort in attendance. It's the special briefing of the week, to cover intelligence analysis of World of Warcraft.....a gaming area for nerdy guys, freaky women, and folks overdosing on non-reality.

The General has been very disturbed over the past year with trends of increasing Syrians playing World of Warcraft, along more Saudis than usual, and a high number of Libyans playing World of Warcraft.  All of this, in his mind, is a connected platform where people are there....mostly to swap jihad ideas....rather than taking over digital lands, kill fake characters, and raid the "Fields of Wendy".

The Captain leads off the briefing with the highlights.

- King Luky (aka Lawrence, a 15-year old kid from Tampa) captured dozens of digital unicorns during the week, and is currently leading up a posse of various characters...mostly from Argentina and Lebanon.  The kid ditched school on Thursday, and his mom was called by the school counselor.

- Winky of the Hill People (aka Freddy, a 40-year old unemployed Irish woman) suddenly came out and admitted that she was also Diva Number Nine....a pretender Russian gal.   All of this was noted as she introduced some new Turkish guy named Ahmet to the game, and whacked on some South Korean peasant characters.

- Airman Jones had done more search into forty odd characters all pretending they were from Orange Beach, Alabama.....but in reality....they were all North Koreans....dressed in fine digital clothing that came from some design studio in Seoul.  So far, the forty characters have lost almost every battle they've gone into.....but Airman Jones predicts they will eventually get better.

- Lt Betty's high level analysis over Russian mafia folks taking roles in World of Warcraft, has lead to a discover of sixty different mafia groups having a role or two in the game, and that meetings are being held nightly in some created village called "New Jersey City".

At this point in the presentation.....Sarge enters the room.  Sarge was ordered into this top secret analysis business of World of Warcraft.  He was supposed to be on his final two years and then retiring.  Personally, he's never played the game....kind of mentioning at some point that he doesn't even play chess or poker.  The Air Force didn't care.....they knew he had the skills they needed.

The General asks Sarge for his update.  There's a long pause, and finally Sarge says: "More or less....a bunch of killing going on...digitally....a bunch of losers sitting in basements.....letting their lawns overgrow....skipping two-for-one beer nights at the local pub....and more in love with a fake digital goddess named Greta than with their own wife.

The General nods.  He knows that Sarge will eventually come around to understanding the threat here.

After the meeting....everyone leaves the room, and marches off to the "Fields of Wendy" to battle the evil of the digital world.  Well....except for Sarge, who walks over to the NCO Club and has a double Jack Daniels shot, and sheds a tear or two over lost Soviet empires and the old world that he could touch.

This is not reality or non-reality.  This is a bunch of goofballs with no life.

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