Monday, 16 September 2013

Fake Work

I've come back from vacation to discover that the Senate Judiciary Committee is working on some kinda media shield law.  Basically.....they are trying to define a real "reporter" and protect them.  The fake reporters?  Well....the Senators (Dianne Feinstein of California) are generally saying that bloggers and citizen journalists.....aren't legit.  They are bogus reporters, and thus can't be real reporters.

You stand there for a while.....wondering what the heck happened and how this episode revolved around to being so big and important.....that they had to waste time on it and try to make up a law.  The other side of this mess?  No one is even sure that the Republicans in the House....will vote to agree, so it might all be a bogus effort.

I pondered over this.

Would we need a law to identify and define farmers now?  Real farmers....not those fake or bogus guys who pretend to have a tractor and a row-crop, but most tell the tax guy this for bogus tax credits.

Would we need a law to identify honky-tonk bartenders?  There are so many bogus country-and-western bars now.....that maybe we need to say who is legit, and who is fake.

Would we need a law to identify ditch-diggers, or septic tank salesmen, or 2nd basemen, or banjo players, or bad actors on some TV series, or flea market salesmen, or perhaps even real chiropractors (not those fake guys from Florida with the fake chiropractor degree on the wall)?

After a while, you get to thinking that maybe someone ought to define political figures, and tell you who is fake Republican and fake Democrat.

Then you start to think about identifying engineers....is a degree from University of Arkansas enough.....or do you need a fancier degree from Auburn University?  Should there be some kinda test where you get a hundred questions on some ancient database code, or have to throw seventeen pieces of Chinese fake computer boards together to show your remarkable ability.

With a thousand important things on the minds of Americans....I'd generally say that this identification of real reporters....is maybe around problem 7,841 on the list.  Generally, you sit and read bad journalism articles nightly, question the CBS guys on their ethics, wonder what happened to 60 Minutes, and feel like everyone at CNN is a loser.  And this would fix everything?

Yeah, it's all fake....even the senators at work.

Obama Healthcare and Sex

In the last couple of days....reporters at the New York Post have come to realize that there's a series of open-ended questions that doctors can and will ask....as you trot into the initial steps of Obama Care.

One of those questions......is your sex life.  Do you have sex?  Do you have multiple partners?  Do you have same sex partners?

The Post reporters asked a few doctors about this, and generally.....you can sense that doctors aren't happy about this and will avoid it....unless ordered by the clinic or hospital to comply.

Your answers?  Well....he will write them down....put them into a database somewhere, and some goofball guy by the name of Snowden or Mannning or whatever.....will one day release a copy of 100 million Americans and their sexual answers in the database.

So you can imagine the significant nature of this episode.  You wake up one day and realize at work that the guys have noted that you gave almost six pages of information to the doctor over five years, and they put it into some database.  The doc noted that you had forty partners since high school.....never using birth control.....that you had a fetish or two revolving around police uniforms and prison scenarios.....that you once dated a school teacher who wore fancy black lace.....that you often read Italian sex novels......and that you had this thing with a Chinese Communist gal back in 1988 while in college.

The necessity of this information?  Well.....it's hard to figure.  Doctors usually don't need info until after they note you got some disease or some health issue.  The idea of planting data ahead of time?  Usually, they ask if you drink, or smoke, or walk regularly (exercise).

A Bama guy could ponder about this for a while, and then have a standard theme answer.....yes, sex with aliens.

Course, the doc will ask if you meant Mexican or Chinese aliens, and you will respond.....no, real aliens....UFO folks.

So you make up this big long story.  You got beamed up into some alien craft.  Some alien gal probed you.  Then she seduced you.  You remember right lights, a bar-b-q smell, some funny clothing that the gal wore which reminded you of Jeannie on I Dream of Jeannie, and some Roy Clark country and western in the background.

The doc will be suspicious but you nudge him a bit to write this down.....clearly, concisely, and absolutely.  You linger on about this alien gal....tall, dark tan, a third boob, muscular like those guys from the University of Bama football team, and chatty (often talking about septic tanks, corn prices, and fishing lures).

For at least an hour.....you linger there....talking away at the doctor and wasting his time.  But he's got this full eight-page story on your remarkable sex life with some alien gal.

One day.....you convince several of your buddies to tell the same stories, and then across the whole spectrum....maybe for a decade or two....there are millions of people who start describing all this remarkable sex stuff with aliens.  The database?  Well...some government guy will eventually stand up in front of Senator Snuffy, and say it's corrupted.  They don't know what's true or fake.  Senator Snuffy gets all upset......mostly because he'd like to get into some alien sex too.

The day comes....thirty years down the path....where the database is deleted because everyone is laughing over American health records and the number of folks talking up alien sex.