Tuesday, 29 October 2013

The NSA and Tonga (A Parody)

In a fit of anger, the King of Tonga.....Tupou VI.....acted quickly on Tuesday.....demanding the US ambassador to Tonga come and have urgent talks.

It'd come to the King's attention that the NSA had not been collecting on his emails or phonecalls....like other countries (Spain, Germany, France, Italy, Greece, etc).  The king rattled on for an hour....about the lack of spying on Tonga.

The US ambassador finally agreed....that there ought to be some spying.....but he didn't know to what extent.

The King....seeing an opening....suggested that a group of three hundred NSA personnel ought to be required in Tonga to properly manage the spying apparatus there in the country.  They'd have to be paid a particularly high housing amount.....which would relate to more expensive houses being built in Tonga.

The US ambassador was a bit disturbed about this part of the deal....confessing that normally....most of the NSA folks resided in Virginia or Maryland.  This would not do....confided the King of Tonga.  They'd have to be living in Tonga....to experience the true picture of spying on a foreign land.  This would include eating Tonga food, drinking Tonga booze, and paying Tonga taxes.

Back and forth, for six hours this conversation went.

Finally, there was some agreement....just to continue the discussion later in the week.  The US ambassador agreed to bring in some NSA representative to help conduct these talks, and the King promised a dinner....fit for a king.

All of this.....was of course....reported by the Chinese....who are already spying on Tonga and the Americans.  Hu Wang sat in his Tonga villa.....amazed that he was already well established and no NSA operation existed on Tonga.

At the end of the day, Hu Wang sent his full report on the Tonga request for NSA reporting back to China.  Of course, this was monitored by the French secret service, and quietly reported back to France.

The French report?  Well....it was quietly seen also by the German BND, and the Russians.

A week later.....two thousand various intelligence collection folks flew into Tonga and began major surveillance operations.....pumping in $40 million a month into the Tonga empire.

The King was eternally happy over the vast change of economic fortune, and personally sent a bottle of wine to that Snowden guy for the idea to get surveillance economics brought into Tonga.

Simply Observations

Somewhere in the heat of Monday....the President signed an order that extends out the mandated date that you must sign up for the Affordable Healthcare Act.....for an extra six weeks.  There is this simple belief that all computer issues can be resolved in November, and everything will be fully operational by early December.  I'm guessing computer software writers are putting in seventy-plus hours a week now.....trying to make this mess work to some degree (whether successful or not).  If they reach mid-December and it's not working?  Well....that would be a curious thing to expect.

From the public side, there's now reports that various churches are entering into this mess because a fair number of their members simply don't understand the program, its benefits, or have a computer.  It's hard to imagine some church group suddenly have a great deal of understanding or skill with the program.  An enormous amount of trust is being put into this effort.  If you ask me....I'd prefer God's crew stay within their lines and stick with the spiritual needs of their members.

There's word this week that San Francisco political figures will put a public tax to the ballot....over sugar drinks.  Anything that would be sold within the city.....would have two cents of tax attached to each ounce.  Figure an extra 24-cents for a soda, and possibly a Big Gulp $1.20 tax.  It's all to make life miserable for soda drinkers, who later have health issues because of their 'addiction'.  The public view?  Hard to say......I would guess half the city is agreeable with such a tax.

Military folks are now admitting that they are doing liposuction.....to lessen their fat situation.....in order to pass the mandatory fitness requirements.  The experts say there's nothing illegal about this, but you have to look down the road at health issues and if someone were to visit a liposuction doc every two years.....this might lead to various issues later on.  I'd admit.....when I was in the Air Force and in that final six years of service.....if liposuction had been around and reasonably cheap....I would have likely done the same thing.

It won't make the national news....but the Long Island cops out of New York.....had a busy Sunday afternoon.  All together, they arrested around seven bikers who were reported by residents and folks on the road....as 'issues'.  The accepted behavior of bikers over the past decade.....has kinda dissolved into a bunch of punk-kids who thought the road was a playground and anything goes.  For these seven....I would suspect the judges to be reasonable and just suspend their motorcycle license for a year or two.  Maybe that will get their attention.

The Farm and Life Skills

Growing up on a farm in Bama....often gave you life skills....that would shock you later in life as having massive value in the real world.

If you go cheap and buy everything for your farm in a cheap fashion....then you spend an inordinate amount of time working maintenance issues and rigging something to work when it just won't work.  The same is true in the real world.

If you have a 400-lb calf that is acting crazy in the chute.....having you in the chute area isn't that smart.  The same is true in the real world if you are in a bar with some drunk dimwits who are acting crazy at 1AM.

If you are waiting for some Auburn-educated county agricultural agent come out and advise you on the solution of something, and the best he can do is hand you a pamphlet....then there's something wrong.  The same is true in the real world when some political figure says he's out to help you.

There are fourteen thousand ways to get accidentally killed on a farm.  In the real world, curiously enough, there are fourteen thousand ways to get accidentally killed.  The only difference is that you as a kid on a farm....have to be thinking twice as fast.

Credit and debt on a farm....are a major cause of frustration and entanglement with bankruptcy lawyers.  Strangely enough....credit and debt in real life....basically go down the same avenue.

Maintaining decent relations with your neighbors and relatives on a farm....is worth a million bucks when all heck breaks loose.  The same is true with real life.

A six-dollar repair on a $40,000 piece of farm equipment....might be all you need, and thus avoid paying some fancy mechanic $500 just to advise you of the nature of the repair.  It works the same way in real life. Duct tape works in all situations.

Living a soap-opera lifestyle as a farmer....mostly leads to problems and issues.  The same is true in real life.

Stress, frustration, and worry are the greatest threats to a farmers sanity.  The same is true in real life.