Wednesday, 25 December 2013

Duckaphobic

If you look up Anatidaephobia, it's a phobia that some folks have....when they notice that a duck is watching them.  Call it anxiety, stress, or just some mental issue....but these folks freak out when a duck watches them.

After sitting back and watching Phil's issues the past week and the way that A&E, a bunch of journalists and ordinary folks freaked out......I figure a new word ought to be created....duckaphobia.

Duckaphobia is basically a fear of hearing some guy quote from the Bible, and the quote interferes with the lifestyle or perception of the person hearing the quote.  Note, it could be a verbal response from some TV commentary, or some written response from a magazine or newspaper.  You sweat a bit....you get aggravated.....you feel the mighty Earth standing against you....you feel like some Bible-freaks are totally against you.....and you quietly suspect that no one can correct or fix the Bible.

Naturally, Duckaphobia is treatable.  You can use the standard treatment....just sip whisky or dope up enough to not be bothered by the phobia.  You could go and visit some treatment guy who'd talk for sixty dollars an hour and help you over the next year get over your anxiety and stress.  Or you could just just raise a big stink and hope that Phil and his crowd just go away and never come back.  Ceasar had this feeling around two thousand years ago that he could fix up the crowd enough by judging one guy and put enough fear in the crowd to just shut up.....evidently.....he was wrong.

What should you do to help a person with Duckaphobia?  Hug them....tight.  Tell you that you are a forgiving person even when they get to swearing against you and threatening your livelihood.  Don't yank on their chain.....getting all these confused folks stressed out.  Assure them that the Bible is over two thousand years old and sooner or later, it will be going through some revision....like Microsoft's package, then this bad stuff will be edited out.

So as you sit there and notice some interview coming up on the pub TV with Phil, and a person or two at the bar get all peppy and freaked out.....diagnose correctly....Duckaphobic.  Offer them a drink to settle their nerves, and ask the bartender to flip the channel over A & E and see what reality show they have on.  Just my humble suggestion.