Saturday, 25 October 2014

Ebola Balls?

Late yesterday, I got to reading over the New York City doctor with Ebola.  They got to some point in the story, and noted that the day or two prior to being identified with Ebola.....he'd been bowling.  You can imagine this scene.....a guy sweating a good bit.....got a slight fever....handling a bowling bowl over and over for an hour or two.

There's probably four hundred bowling bowls in this alley, and I would imagine the bowling manager is standing there and feeling very uncomfortable.  Naturally, he'd like to sanitize each and every one....but you'd have to handle them, and you'd best do it in a haz-mat suit.  If you start something like this....folks who work at the bowling center will freak out and leave the place in fear.

You can sit and imagine this guy calling around to the CDC....asking them how to properly sanitize bowling balls infected with Ebola.  The CDC geeky science guy will stand there for five minutes contemplating how to officially answer this, but truthfully, they've never had such an episode.

A day will pass and then some new team is brought in, to study bowling balls and Ebola.  They will sit around and note the amount of sweat generated, then the potential for thirty-nine different bacteria of a major concern, then discuss at length the composition of bowling balls.  Some guy will call the National Bowling Ball Federation, and then the Canadian Bowling Ball Federation....to clarify the general construction of balls.

Days later, a major meeting will occur at the White House.....with the new Ebola Czar discussing the impact of infected bowling balls and where this might lead the nation.  The President will notice at some point that he's sweating a bit, and folks have backed off a foot or two from him.  He feels a bit sickly.....but it's mostly over this stupid meeting, a ill-fitting jacket, and poor air circulation in the room.

A decision will be made....a special Army team will be activated with National Guardsmen from Omaha.....to deploy to all affected bowling centers in America.  When called, they will respond.  They will run the affected bowling balls through a state-of-the-art sanitizer developed secretly at a site in southern Maryland.  The device....costing $16 million.....cleans eighty-two balls an hour, and then certifies them as each being "fit and clean".  The Guardsmen mostly set it on automatic, then go and eat a hearty and greasy burger meal at the bowling alley.

A parody?  Maybe.  Maybe not.

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