Wednesday, 17 December 2014

I Hate Final Episodes

Generally, I hate the last final episode of most shows.

Coming up in a five months will be the final episode of Two and a Half Men.  There's talk that Charlie might be brought back for the show.....but I really don't care.  It's been messed up ever since his character left the show.

Generally, I thought the last final episode of LOST was crap.  Maybe if I'd been drugged up and sipping straight Jacky D's.....I would have understood it better.

The last episode of Friends.....was a marginal two-star piece and it'd been better just to have all six sit down at a cafe....get drunk....and start some fight, then all walk off in separate directions.

The last episode of Magnum PI was supposed to come at the conclusion of the seventh season....with him dying and going off into the greater beyond.  It was one of the most disliked episodes ever, and convinced the studio to do another season, invent some way of bringing Magnum back and doing a final eighth season, with a slightly better conclusion.

The last episode of the Sopranos left you in a bad fix.....the four family members sitting at the cafe and the camera faded out just before something happened.  But you never know what.

This week.....Larry David, who wrote Seinfeld commented on the conclusion episode of the series.  It was described as "clever".

There are 180 episodes of Seinfeld.  I've probably watched every single episode at least fifteen times.  It's the only series that I can rewind, and watch over and over. The number of bad episodes?  I regard only the final (number 180) as the only bad episode ever made.  I can ever go back to season one, and the first five episodes.....which you'd expect them to be marginally acceptable.  Well....episode one might be just a tad weak, but none could be described as marginal.

How would I have ended Seinfeld?  I would have had Patrick Steward of Star Trek fame come to do a voice piece....leading into the first minute.  His question would have been.....what if the four had never met?

Jerry might have never met George....and gone off to be an insurance salesman and quietly married to Miranda....a Jewish lawyer from Queens.

George, without meeting Jerry?  He would have signed up for voice lessons and been a radio news guy for some New Jersey talk-show.  Married? age forty, he'd been on marriage five.

Elaine?  She would have quietly worked her way up to be a catalog with some car mechanic...and spending summers in Canada.

Cosmo Kramer?  He would still be Kramer, with all his eccentric qualities.

I would have tied the twenty-two minute piece all together.....telling their stories and how never meeting would have been a different ending entirely.  Then I'd come to the final minute where I introduced Newman.....fading in from darkness to a point that you can recognize him.  He'd just say a simple phrase....."I like to tinker with mortals....just to see if you can get a bunch of nothing to be curious or interesting".....then grin and walk away onto a cloud.

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