Saturday, 22 March 2014

Bama Patience and Understanding

Generally, things in Bama are simple.  You have a problem....it's a two-or-three step solution, or some cousin comes over to do it for you.  You get into a mess....you hire up some Republican lawyer....pay some guy under the table, and things get resolved.  Your house burns down?  The community comes up to support you and you feel somewhat whole again.

In the last week or two....there's this problem which came up...which cannot be solved, or simplified, or fixed by your cousin or some Republican lawyer.

You see....there's two gals....lesbians....who got all pumped up in the era of door suddenly opening and gay marriage was a magnet for a couple of months.  They were up in Iowa and got the license....got married....and felt like they were living on top of the world.  Things couldn't be better.

Then, for some odd reason which has not been detailed out.....the two ladies made a decision related to some job offers and moved to Bama.

Now, it's safe to say in Bama right now....things are kinda looking good if you live in and around Huntsville or Madison county.  You got some degree....technology background.....science expertise?  Well....there's a pretty good chance that you can get employed.  The downside?  You won't make what you'd make in Dallas, Silicon Valley, or Atlanta.  You still do fairly well with the cheaper lifestyle and house prices....but it's a step down from places like Nashville, Philly or Saint Louis.

So the couple settled down in Bama....found their jobs....found happiness....and came to discover that they conflict.  They just don't match up and like some marriages done in a hurry....they just guessed wrong.  Neither will say in public what is the issue.

One might be messy and one might be tidy.  One might be a Republican and one might be a Democrat.  One might be an environmentalist and the other might be anti-green.  One might be a hunter enthusiast and the other might be pool-hall player.  This part of the story is unknown.

So, after this issue of dissolving the marriage came up.....the ladies visited a lawyer.  Bama has a simplified version of divorce.  You go and input the data into a computer data file, and at the end....you indicate who is the male and who is the female.  Well.....the lawyer indicated both are female and the program came right back and said.....you can't have a divorce in Bama....under a female-female situation.

Legal folks got involved, and Bama law is kinda plain on this.  You need to live in the state for six months....to have residency for the divorce requirement.  The ladies had that part easily.  But there is no exemption to clear the men-and-women requirement.

Naturally, this has frustrated both gals.  Going back to Iowa to clean up this mess?  Well....they mandate that you need twelve months of residency.  Plus you'd have to give up whatever jobs that you've gotten and move to Iowa....strictly for a divorce.  This is something that no one ever does.

I sat and pondered over this.  It's clearly a mess.  When this gay marriage business opened up and a couple of states jumped into it....I had this feeling that folks didn't see the entire path ahead.  Americans have one odd characteristic when compared to other nationalities....they move.  So a year....five years.....ten years down the line.....you end up in some state like Bama, and suddenly your spouse just isn't all that thrilling or nice.  Divorce?  Well....no.

In this case?  I'd likely take both ladies and sit down at a coffee shop, and suggest a radical approach to this.  Since you can't easily divorce....step back....what is the irritating factor in this mess?  Could you learn to live some idiot in the house?  Could you develop some skills to politely tell someone they are wrong, but say in a humble nice way?  Could you change three or four habits.....like cleaning the house regularly, drinking less, sharing responsibility, cuss a bit less, stay a bit calm during arguments, and say charming things when you mean otherwise?

I know....it's not the intention.  Folks marry, and folks divorce.  In this case.....if you are a lesbian married couple....you kinda need to draw up a list of states where you can divorce....and only settle in those states.  This might make you hostile and demanding that everyone respect you.....but then....they thought you'd respect their states ethics and general expectations.

I'm not sure where this will go.  My humble guess is that both will sit around for six months....grumbling about this backward state, and one will eventually haul up and run off to Iowa or California.....just to be a state resident there and start the dang divorce twelve months after arriving.

All of this brings me to the reality of Bama.  Folks move to Bama for odd reasons.  Maybe it's the calm nature, the slow pace of life, the low crime rate, low taxes, or the cost of living. With all the positives.....you kinda have to accept the fifty-odd negatives.

There will be neighbors who get all fussy about grass-cutting procedures.  A neighbor three miles down the road makes meth.  Some neighbor has two dogs that crap on your yard daily. An associate wants to spend forty minutes explaining the Mazda Wankel engine to you.  The local fourth-grade teacher has a prayer each morning for the class, and generally prays for President....Democrat or Republican.  The local volunteer fire department has yearly fallings-out over wife-swapping within the group.  The local mayor has been arrested fourteen times in Memphis for hooker solicitation.  The past two town clerks have been hauled in for an audit and always found to have lost $50,000 over each of their periods of employment....yet never go to jail.  Most of the local folks watch O'Reilly from Fox News and recite his talking points like it was the gospel from the Old Testament.  And it's a well known fact that at least two thousand dead folks vote every four years in Bama.

If you were accepting of these oddball things....why wouldn't a gal just go ahead and accept someone you married in a hurry and now discover that they just aren't that charming, pleasant, or intelligent?  If you got patience to stand Bama's extremes....you ought to be able to handle some marriage associate....no matter what sex they are.

And if all else fails?  Well....if you wait a hundred years....Bama might change and rewrite the divorce rule.  Maybe.

Anyway....my humble two cents of thought.