Sunday, 9 April 2017

The World of Worry

In our mighty world....we worry.

We worry about gas prices, chicken prices, corn prices, electricity prices, natural gas prices, and pizza delivery prices.

We will worry about grandma's impending death, the dog who is fourteen years old this year, the 1978 Ford out back which is on its fourth transmission, and the tree that is leaning across the yard at a 12-degree pitch.

We worry about the Alabama governor who might actually be certifiably crazy.

We worry about the store being out of fresh grapes or strawberry's or melons.

We will worry that the butcher might only have fatty sirloin steaks tomorrow when we shop.

We worry that our company is crapped-out with incompetent managers and bonus money flows like the Mississippi into the CEO's pocket while talks of a merger or a bankruptcy occur.

We worry about cheap airline tickets which are non-existent today.

We worry about flying through JFK and if we might be stuck in Manhattan tonight at the Roosevelt, with a breakfast in the morning at $32 per person.

We will worry about the 44-year old bus at Grand Central Station that would take us back to JFK, for $19 and whether the Koran bus-driver understood what we asked.

We worry about the doctors office, Nurse Wanda and whether everything is sanitized there.

We worry about the wonderful nurse doing our blood-pressure check who has the open blouse and a 44DD cup....and whether our blood pressure is accurate or over-accurate.

We worry about McDonalds switching over to fat-free fries.

We worry that Wendys will give up on regular chilli and serve diet-chilli.

We worry if Pepsi will redo the receipe and add butterscotch to the recipe.

We worry about Coke adding 33 more flavors of Coke, including one that has turnip-flavor and B-12 vitamins.

We worry about aliens who might come tonight and "probe" us.

We worry that Bigfoot might actually come out of the woods and engage with us into a conversation on Trump's Syria bombing, and we just aren't prepared for this kind of chat.

We worry about cattle mutilations and whether the black helicopters are really the nuclear department or from the Mexican Army.

We worry about Matt Lauer and if he might one day just walk off the stage of the Today Show and marry Britney Spears.

We worry that Oprah might actually lose weight and keep it off.

We worry that the news people might actually run out of news to report tonight.

We worry that the networks might start a new soap opera for daytime TV entitled Washington Democrats (with sexy hot lust scenes).

We worry that Pro Wrestling might go bankrupt, with Roller Derby, and we'd be stuck with tennis or bowling to watch on Monday nights.

We worry that Mike Tyson might actually be able to act and get a Oscar next year.

We even worry about global warming, global cooling, global climate change, polar bears who might be dying or might be attacking environmentalists, and even the amount of peppermint in the air at any given time.

Frankly, we worry an awful lot. Not to criticize our magnificent world....but maybe things will just work out and tomorrow the sun will rise.....bacon and waffles will be in the air....and life will go on. Maybe. Just maybe.

The Column That Won't be Returning

This morning, I read a piece off the hometown newspaper where I grew up from 7 December 1961.  In those days, it was fairly common that every community in the county would have a column....maybe 40 to 60 lines that would lay out the news of that community.

It'd typically read; The such-and-such club held a coffee-social over at home of Ms Jones, Forty ladies gathered with various cakes and pies.  The son of Will and Ann Frederick arrived home after the semester ended at Texas Tech.  A tree fell on the car of Martin Fulks last Saturday, causing a complete loss, and he is reported to be looking at a new Ford.  The widow Norris has installed a new air conditioning system into her house .

I can still remember my dad pulling out these articles and pointing out names mentioned in these columns.

At some point in the early 1970s....they started to disappear.  It's hard to say the reason for the end.

I will admit that the clubs often mentioned (the Saturday Social Club, the Home Demonstration Club, etc) all started to disappear in the 1970s.  I will also admit that by the early 1980s....lives were more complicated with the gossip being less-friendly and more problematic.  One might also agree that stories were getting to a point of where you couldn't tell the whole story without someone getting offended.

If you were to try running one of these local community columns today?

- The Widow Hanks had her nephew visiting, after six months in a Dallas jail for meth distribution.  Warren says he's on a new track and just looking for a full-time job.

- A fight broke out as the Home Demonstration Club met at the home of Wanda Sinyard.  Witnesses say that several ladies had tossed back shots of Tequila and made offensive comments toward Ms Richards and her new Mexican boyfriend.  Police settled the social meeting and arrested two of the ladies for 4th degree assault.

- Cindy Pruitt took up with the Piggly Wiggly manager (sixteen years older than her) and has gotten a $700 tattoo to note her affection for the guy.

- Ronny Jones returned home after six weeks at the University of Florida.  It's noted that he was invited to leave the university and not come back.

- Mr and Mrs Smith announced that they will be divorcing shortly.  Mr Smith had taken up with the new UPS lady driver, and Mrs Smith was going to start a new relationship with a British cook.

By the time you throw in the gutter gossip, the drug-thug news, break-ins, off-and-on marriage woes, financial issues, and secret affairs going on....our local communities have become something that we'd rather not discuss much except behind closed doors.

It is a bold new era that we live in.  Some folks might go and wish upon some simpler time or return to a wholesome era.....but I kinda doubt that it's possible now.  We've permanently lost our innocence.