Monday, 5 June 2017

Trying to Do Andy Griffith in 2017

This weekend, I pondered upon someone coming up today and trying to remake Mayberry and do an Andy Griffith episode in today's atmosphere.  I doubt if they'd get past twelve episodes.

Andy?  He'd be a failed student at Liberty University, who quit and spent six months trying to make it in Nashville.  On the final night before leaving Nashville, before returning to Mayberry....he got drunk and banged out three tunes in sixty minutes to some guy for $500....enough to pay his ticket home.  Andy remembers nothing of the night but all three tunes went over the next year to make $20 million for the country guy now made into a star. Andy returns to Mayberry mostly as a failure but just in time as the old police chief dies in some trailer on the south-side of Mayberry while 'hugging' some trailer-trash gal.  Andy agrees to the chief's job but admits he knows little to nothing about the job.

Barney?  He's be some Gulf War-vet who has PTSD and goes nuts about every three weeks from some drug that he's taking.  What no one knows is that he got there in Iraq a month after the war ended, and ended up as the custodian to one of Saddam's palaces, and was mostly there to water the plants, arrange for clean-up crews, and ensure Army guys hanging out there don't break anything.  He's convinced Andy to let him tote several military assault weapons in the police-car but no ammo.
Aunt Bee?  She's a cigarette-smoking ex-bartender from Tulsa who tinkers with motorcycles, makes apple pies from scratch, and has some mysterious past from San Francisco (claiming to have known at some point Charles Manson).

Otis?  He's been on sixteen different alcohol rehab adventures.  He's under study now by a Swiss PhD guy with radical ways of treating this.  Otis's wife is a die-hard far-left liberal who mostly drives Otis to drink.

Floyd?  He has a secret history of dressing up as women.  He's secretly written a dozen romance books and flies into the Bahamas once a year for two weeks while he writes another successful book.

Gomer?  He's mostly a gas-sniffer and comes in and out of brilliance about four hours a week.

Goober?  He's PhD character who flipped out and gave up a life in computer design to just repair cars.

Ernest T. Bass?  He's mostly a crazy nut, who can't be put away in a home.

And Helen Crump?  She's a fireball teacher who does crazy stuff and never seems to get arrested or fired.

The show would be watched intently for two or three episodes and then folks would say that it just isn't the same as the old show.