1. There's only one pony and one rider to get each polling station's ballots to the central warehouse. Also most of the riders are blind, and have gall bladder problems.
2. Ballots occasionally are written into Chinese language and have to be translated by certified experts.
3. Counting people sometimes have a problem going past one-hundred.
4. Some of the women counters show up in revealing clothing and distract the male counters from their job.
5. Poll managers are afraid to admit that they never made it past the sixth grade.
6. More than 40-percent of all ballot counters are members of a highly secretive cult.
7. Seven out of ten ballot counters....have a phobia about handling paper.
8. Half of all Arizona ballot counters, if they hear any David Hasselhof tune.....reset their count to zero, and have to start all over again.
9. Some odd feature has been noticed where you run a stack of 100 blank ballots through five times, and you get a different number instead of zero....each time.
10. Someone keeps bringing in a case of Captain Morgan Rum to start a four-hour shift.
My general solution? Hire up 175,000 Germans for three days (starting on Sunday)....fly them into the various locations, and let them handle ballot counting. Then give them the return ticket for Wednesday afternoon. The vote will be complete by midnight Tuesday.
Tough gig.
ReplyDeleteTakes almost two years to recover from the stress...