20 Things I Think Of

 1.  Every time I see a FBI official speak....I sit and contemplate....what's the odds of a false narrative that might fit into his 'talk'.

2.  Each time I see any politician promise something....I'm wondering how many lobbyists paid to influence him.

3.  Each time I see George Bush, I tend to wonder if he was ever fit to run a Burger King.

4.  Each time I hear Benghazi mentioned....I wonder....why would there be forty-odd CIA guys/contractors....sitting less than two miles away from the Ambassador's house?

5. Every time I see Bill and Hillary Clinton, I contemplate how many women 'serviced' Bill (BJ-wise) over the past forty years, and if Bill was given the 'green-light' back at year one of the marriage.

6.  Every time some PhD guy/gal indicates to me their position in life.....I kinda feel sorry for them, and contemplate offering them a coffee or a shot of cheap whiskey.

7.  When I get moral lectures from Christian folks (ever since age 12)....I tend to sit there imagine if Moses got these lectures over and over, and he walked off into the desert mostly because he was tired of the lectures.

8.  When I tend to see four policeman at the same time...standing there.....I size up the guys and figure the donut count to reach 250 pounds each.

9.  When I watch CNN (ever so rarely)....I'm continually counting the seconds before I either mute the sound or change the channel.

10.  When I (rarely) fly these days...I tend to sit and count the folks in the aisle yet to come....who are fifty to one-hundred pounds over their weight and require 1.3 seats to really sit comfortably, and hope none of them sit by me.

11. When I notice a gal wearing a pair of pants that are two sizes too small for her 'build'....I often wonder if she's so poor....she can't afford to buy the correct size.

12.  When I'm talking to a college graduate (four-year degree) and they seem to be eighth-grade high school material.....I'm wondering if I should recommend they seek part of their tuition back.

13.  When I'm in conversation with someone who seems to have paranoid schizophrenia (they actually describe imaginary people).....I tend to view and develop an escape plan.

14.  After I get home with a new TV these days...it's around day two that I realize there's around 600 extra functions....I didn't ask for....and contemplate if I should read further into the manual, or just stick with the dozen things I really asked for.

15.  I've come to realize that any conversation on the porch in 1975....centered on a dozen simple topics and you could engage without being embarrassed or put on the spot.  Today, there's likely 3,000 different subjects, and a quarter of them are pretty hot-topics that you'd rather not discuss....even with your barber, your wife, or the landscaper guy (Pedro).

16.  When I'm sitting in a ultra-modern car, it pains me to admit that there's probably six hours of training required to use all of the functions within the car.

17.  When I pull into any gas station in a highly urbanized city....I'm evaluating the lighting, security and my safety situation.

18.  When VP Harris speaks....I tend to wonder how she made it past the 8th grade.

19.  When I'm at a doctor's office and they hand me some interview-letter...asking me my feelings over X, Y and Z.....I tend to want to write that I feel great since I developed a relationship with my invisible friend (Marvin).  

20.  When I board a plane....I'm often wondering....from the 300 folks who are doing their best to make sure it runs perfect.....the movie mechanism works, the bag is there, and that the drink cart is full.....will any of them fail on their one vital task?