When Robbery Doesn't Mean Much

I get my old hometown newspaper, and it's amongst the fifteen odd papers that I tend to read to stay abreast of the world.

So this week....comes the issue noting a robbery attempt (actually two) back on 27 April.  A gal walks up to the Subway shop along the main drag leading to the town around 7:30 PM.  She enters....wearing a hoodie and sunglasses.  She indicates to the guy running the shop that she's there to rob the shop, and she's got a gun (although it's never shown).

Now, here in Arlington....the Subway guy would have tossed open the cash register and thrown the $188 to her in a heartbeat.  No argument.  No hassle.  Just give the lady robber the money.

But this is Bama.

There's apparently a ten-second pause here.....although the newspaper journalist doesn't really indicate that. It's a fairly long pause.

On second one.....the Subway guy is thinking....man, this is like one of those TV show robberies you see on Barnaby Jones or CHIPs.  This vision of a 1973 TV show flashes in his mind.

On second two.....he's now thinking about the possible TV interview with the Channel thirty-one blonde gal and how he'll explain the whole situation in simple direct quotes.

On second three....he's now thinking about that Jeopardy episode from last night where he answered all of the New Testament questions in rapid fire.....impressing Grandma and Aunt Jean.  Grandma suggested he ought to go off to divinity school....maybe launch a TV minister's career.

On second four....he was thinking if he'd paid back his neighbor for the can of turpentine that he needed for the paint brushes.

On second five....that episode at the Memphis hotel flashed for a second....over that strange lady from Burlington, Vermont and how he lost his billfold that night.

On second six....he was contemplating the wasted time he'd spent watching the whole Lost series, which really crapped out by the final eight episodes.

On second seven....he was thinking maybe learning golf really wasn't a bad idea.

On second eight....he was wondering if Subway would ever give him a regional division chief job.

On second nine....he was wondering if Diet Mountain Dew was really that bad.

And by second ten.....he kinda figured if you were going to rob someone....you'd flash the gun.  And she didn't really flash no gun.

So the unnamed Subway guy.....just said "no".  He wouldn't hand any money over to the dopey young gal.  He had violated every rule in existence in DC, Maryland and Virginia.  The gal turned around and left.

A while later....she showed up at the Minnow Bucket....telling this guy that she had a knife and wanted cash from his cash register.  In the same fashion....the clerk at the Minnow Bucket paused....did his ten-second thing.....and refused.  She ended up walking out again.

Cops indicate that she let in a black Oldsmobile Alero and very distinctive because it had a sunroof....which the vast number of Aleros just never were ordered with that option (I can only assume on this).

The thing about guys from Bama....is that unqiue pause.  In ten seconds....we are calculating a fantastic number of things....thinking about episodes of Steinfeld.....comparing 1988 F-150 against a 1998 F-150....and thinking about fresh pancakes with extra syrup.  By the tenth second......we usually come around to this stupid question....if you had a gun...you'd show it.  So if you aren't that serious about this....then it's not a big deal.