Back in the spring period of 2009....in the midst of Swine Flu being "HOT", I wrote this blog (remember, I typically write for Alabama folks):
What should a Bamaite do in the midst of Swine Flu? This is a curious question. Since we are the likely ones to sit and ponder....lets not waste any time on this effort.
First, if you were a Baptist church goer....drop it. You should stay home and avoid crowds who might give you the flu. Watch Godzilla movies....bar-b-q....restore furniture....or maybe even do that oil change that you've been talking about with the tractor. It wouldn't hurt to read a paragraph from the Bible like every other week....just to stay tuned into the Baptist theme. Plus you can pretend not to drink.
Second....lay in a supply of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.....at least twelve pallets. Tell the Sam's Club guy that things might get a bit serious and you want the pallets ASAP. Hide them under a tarp out back and ensure that few neighbors know about this.
Third....avoid relatives...especially the stupid ones or the ones in trouble with the law. This flu thing works out in your favor. You can even make up stories that you are sick when you aren't.
Fourth....get in a major supply of catfish, frozen ribs, and fried chicken. Expect to bar-b-q alot during this period.
Fifth....get in a supply of "Quarantine" signs. My suggestion is to use them on your neighbors....after the sun goes down. Put it up and then in the morning....see how they react. Act curious as you approach the sign and then keep asking how long they've been sick. When they deny they are sick....tell them that you heard that some medical folks from Auburn were around and think they quarantined a number of homes but you suspect its because they were identifying anti-Auburn football freaks. Then leave in a hurry.
Sixth.....whenever around Democrats...tell them you heard over Fox News that Democrats are more likely than Republicans to get the flu...something about sanitary practices. When they ask which show....tell it was O'Reilly. That'll get them to pinging.
Seventh.....while it is customary to shake hands as a southerner.....this might cause you to get the flu passed onto you. Always carry a small can of diesel around with you to wash with. If you start to have skin rashes....switch over to WD-40 and just spray it on.
Eight.....don't pass around or drink from the same whiskey bottle with anyone else under any circumstances.
Ninth....even if that neighbor gal is giving 5-star indications that she is free from her boyfriend, wearing a tube top, sipping whiskey from the bottle, and rather lusty....it just might not be the right time to get friendly with folks. But get a rain-check and tell her that you might be free in a month or two.
Ten....lay in a supply of cheap books on WW II, old-fashioned farming, how-to-make-whiskey and septic tank repair. You might be spending a fair amount of time at home.
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