If This Had Been Alabama:

After looking over this whole hyped-up Hawaii worry of the missile launch warning from North Korea, I sat and pondered what would have happened in Alabama....had someone there accidentally pushed the 'green' button on missile warning.

Most folks in Alabama (probably over 90-percent) would not have seen it unless it was in the middle of local news, Judge Judy, the Andy Griffith Show, or aired via the Fox News.  Some folks would have felt their channel from the satellite was messed up and flipped it to the Braves Channel or some Mexican soccer game.

Four percent of Alabamians would have asked what 'BALLISTIC' meant.  Various meanings would have been offered and every college graduate in the state would have been getting calls to explain the term.

The first reaction by the Baptist crowd would be to arrange up a quick prayer over something misguiding the missile to land in some state. 

Some folks would have asked if this was a warning similar to tornado warnings, or just a tornado-alert (which tends to mean nothing unless Doppler-Radar shows it impacting).

Most local TV news folks would have argued about who would be the guy talking folks through this....either the weather guy (the chief science expert), or Misty (the blond gal from Tulsa). 

Bars and public drinking establishments would have offered up a two-for-one deal on drinks, but demanded cash for each drink served.....no credit cards.

Some guys would have debated putting feed or hay for cattle, or just waiting till after the impact to see if there were any cattle left.

This might have triggered some of the more long-term bachelor guys to finally agree to date some of the more long-term single gals.  Course, this is a 30-minute window and it's hard to figure how much of a date you can accomplish in that period.

Discussions would have occurred with the more intellectual Alabamians.....over whether storm-cellars or tornado-shelters would provide adequate protection over a nuke missile from North Korea. This would have triggered various comparisons to shelters that had been seen on the History Channel.

Finally, some Alabama kids would have called into their local school and asked if the missile alert was enough to cancel school for tomorrow. 

The Missile Warning Story

I noticed this in the news this morning, which worried a lot of folks.

The basic story is that in Hawaii...because of the North Korean missile business....they stood up a system to warn the public of incoming missiles (if it should ever occur).  Well....some guy hit the 'green' button and for thirty minutes across Hawaii....the alert said that there were missiles coming in.  It noted.....THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

From my Air Force period, we had two typical emergency warning episodes....one would always hint that this was an exercise or drill, and the other would openly state....this is not a drill or exercise.  You knew what you were supposed to do in the fake warning and the real warning.

In this case in Hawaii....folks saw this on the TV and heard the internet chat, and got freaked out.  I think they finally got a dose of reality, in that you actually need to worry about this North Korean missile business.  It could actually happen.

Course, another thing came out of this.....it simply took one single guy to make a mistake and activate the alarm.  No one has said how he made the mistake or if this was just a new guy problem, or if the button is too easily turned on.

This also got everyone hyped up on Saturday...like the Pentagon, the FBI, the missile-watching folks....all of them had to stand up and say that they were monitoring the episode and were 'vigilant' (even if they weren't).

This of course then triggered CNN to ask how the US military would track missiles IF THEY WERE LAUNCHED.  So everyone got this mega dose of military explanations about missile launches, satellite tracking, and geometric-chat....most of which is way past the understanding level of approximately fifty-percent of American society.

Then it also forced interviews with Hawaii state folks to explain what the hell they would do....IF there was really a missile hit on Hawaii.  They pulled out some checklists, noted the emergency response plan, and mostly hoped that more intensive questions didn't occur.

Somewhere out there, there's some Hollywood producer noting all of this and racing now to produce a script and convince CBS to make a movie for this fall entitled...."Doom Over Kepuhi Beach", where a nuke missile has slammed the beach and failed to detonate.  Racing to the scene will be 'Buddy' (David Hasselhoff playing a down-and-out former CIA guy who is a PhD electrical engineer and part-time marijuana-farmer) and 'Micky' (Cuba Gooding Jr, playing a retired Navy Seal who mostly drinks in the afternoon to excess and runs a coffee-shop).  Together, Buddy and Micky disarm the nuke missile, save Hawaii, and get a heroes welcome at the White House by President Trump, who refers to the potential nuke blast 'would have made Kep-U-ALL beach a sh**-hole live if it'd gone off'.  Hawaiians will be furious over the mispronunciation of Kepuhi by Trump, and that he suggested sh**-hole status on a beach if a nuke had gone off.